At Death, A Proclamation
by SARuhh
Summary: Set after "Teach Me Tonight." An unexpected death leaves a shaken Jess back in the care of Luke. Jess and Luke centric!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. WB owns Gilmore Girls while the musician Phosphorescent owns the title!**

Sorry it took so long for me to come up with another story! I was finally struck with inspiration a day ago.

Well, I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter, and please review!

:)

* * *

Luke clicked the top of his pen against the counter and let out a sigh. He had been doing inventory in the back of the diner for what felt like forever, and at last he was finally done. He looked around the dark, empty diner, the moons glow lighting the room, giving it an almost eerie feel. Things felt so empty in the diner now a days, since he shipped Jess back to New York. He had to do it though, he repeated that to himself daily, it was for the best. He scoffed. No it wasn't, he _knew_ it wasn't. Liz could barely take care of herself, what made Luke think that she could take care of her own son?

He had tried to call them, check up on Jess, make sure the kid wasn't laying dead in a ditch somewhere and made it back safe, but no one in their apartment seemed to ever answer the phone. He always got the machine and he always left messages. He never got any replies though. No phone calls from his nephew or his sister assuring him that the kid was fine and safe. Maybe he was worrying too much. Liz would have called him if Jess didn't arrive, wouldn't she? He knew he just had to believe his nephew was fine and back in that cramped apartment living with his mother.

Luke's reverie was cut off by the loud ringing of the phone, causing the man to jump a little. He turned his head and looked towards the phone, a look of confusion crossing his features. Who could be calling him at this hour, he thought. He let out a laugh and stood up.

"Lorelai," he mused as he made his way over to the phone. Of course it would be the infamous Gilmore, she was the only person he knew crazy enough to call someone this late at night.

He grabbed the phone off the hook and placed it to his ear.

"Hello?" he spoke into the phone, a smirk on his face. He wondered what Lorelai wanted. A late night pancake run perhaps? Or maybe some of his hot brewed coffee?

"Luke," he heard a panicked, rough, voice of a boy speak up. That voice was definitely not Lorelai's. He felt as if he recognized the voice somehow, but the hoarseness in the kid's voice kept leaving him with blanks.

"Who is this?" Luke asked, scratching at his head with his free hand.

"Luke, I don't know what to do. She won't wake up Luke, she won't wake up!" the words came out quick and frantic, almost jumbled together. Something clicked in Luke's head and he finally recognized who the voice belonged to.

"Jess?" he called into the phone, "Jess, calm down. What's wrong?"

"She won't wake up, Luke. Liz won't wake up!" Luke heard a harsh breath escape his nephew's lungs. "She's not breathing Luke! I think she's dead!"

Luke's heart almost stopped. Dead? Liz can't be dead, she can't be. He knew that he couldn't start panicking like Jess, he knew he needed to keep his cool and instruct his nephew on what to do. Jess needed him and so did Liz.

"I think she overdosed on something," Jess panicked voice continued, "Luke, what am I supposed to do!?"

"Jess, you need to call 911?," Luke instructed the boy, "I'll come down there, alright? I'm going to leave now, but you need to call 911."

He heard Jess sharply inhale. "Yeah, I will." he responded with a much calm voice. Luke could still hear a tinge of panic in his nephew's young voice. "Luke," Jess added, "Please hurry."

"I will," Luke nodded, "I'll get there as fast as I can." He heard a click on the other end of the line before the tone started beeping in his ears. Luke just stood there for a moment. The whole event just felt unreal to him. This couldn't be happening, there was no way this could be happening. He suddenly snapped back to life and rushed upstairs and grabbed his keys and a jacket. He had to get up to New York, and fast.

* * *

Everything felt like a blur to Jess. The call to Luke, the call to the paramedics, everything. Nothing felt real. Liz wasn't laying on the floor next to him, her face pale and gaunt, eyes practically glued shut. It couldn't be happening.

Oh God, he thought, her skin was so white, she looked almost transparent. It felt like she was going to disappear at any moment, leaving him all alone. If he lost her, he'd have nowhere to go. Luke probably wouldn't take him back, not after what happened with Rory. What would happen to him if she didn't wake up? One thing he knew though, he was not going into foster care. He had been taken away from Liz once, when he was just a child, and they sent him to a group home. He hated it and vowed to himself that he would never go back. The only option he had if she did die -- which she wouldn't, he assured himself, Liz couldn't die, not now, not like this -- was to live on the streets. No, that was not going to happen.

Jess grabbed Liz's limp arms and shook her, "Wake up!" he yelled, "Don't you do this to me Liz! Stop being so selfish! Don't abandon me like this!" He shook her and shook her, but she just wouldn't wake up.

He could hear the sirens now, their buzz getting louder and louder as the paramedics made their way closer to the apartment. He let Liz's arms drop to the ground and backed up against the wall.

Jess ran a hand through his hair and banged his head against the back of the wall.

"Fuck!" He cursed, "Fuck fuck fuck!" So many emotions whirled around his mind. Anger, sorrow, confusion, helplessness, fear. God, he couldn't handle this. He just wanted it all to go away, he wanted Liz to stop being such a selfish _bitch_ and wake up! He felt tears threatening to fall, but fought them. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't shed a tear. Because Liz _wasn't _dead, she was going to be fine. She had to be fine. Of all the crap she put him through throughout the years, she was _not_ putting him through this. It wasn't fair.

The door to the apartment banged open, startling Jess. A crew of paramedics and two police officers rushed in and swiftly made their way over to Liz's unconscious form. One of the male paramedics looked up towards Jess.

"Get him out of here!" he called to the officers. The chubby officer made his way over to Jess and kneeled down in front of him.

"Come on, let's go outside and let them work," the officer helped him up and lead him to the door. Jess was too worn out to fight with him. The past twenty minutes had been filled with a whirlwind of emotions and he was just too exhausted to yell or scream or feel anymore. His emotions vanished and he felt nothing. He welcomed the feeling of numbness. This was all too much for him and feeling nothing was sure as hell a lot better than feeling as helpless and scared as he did minutes before.

The officer led him outside and sat him down at the front of the building. A rush of cold hair hit Jess hard, causing his body to let out a shiver. He hugged his torso tightly.

"Here," Jess looked up to see the officer from before. He held out a blanket towards the kid, "you look cold." Jess grabbed the blanket out of the chubby man's hands and wrapped it around his body. Jess dug into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. All of the stress that this event was causing him left him craving one bad. He grabbed out a stick and placed it between his lips. He pulled out his lighter and flicked the thumbwheel frantically. A small flame sparked but didn't last. He flicked it again, this time more panicked, but the lighter barely sparked. Shit, he cursed, his lighter was not out of fluid now! Not when he needed a smoke more than anything! He flicked it one more time, thankfully a flame finally appeared. He protected the flame from the harsh wind with a cupped hand and lit the end of his cigarette. He took a deep, shaky inhale and let the smoke out slowly.

The cop didn't say a word about it. He didn't scold him for being underage or take his pack away, all he did was sit down next to him and keep him company. He liked the man for that. It had to be the first time he'd ever actually _liked _a cop. Once his first cigarette was reduced to barely nothing, he pulled out another and lit it with the end of the first.

"What's your name?" the officer asked. He felt the need to talk to the kid, maybe get his mind off of the situation going on above their heads.

The boy tapped the ash off of the end of his cigarette, "Jess." The kid stared straight ahead, his eyes never darting to take a glance at him.

"My names Randle Jones," he told the teenager.

A small, but fake, smile formed on the kid's lips, "Like Patrick Randle McMurphy, from _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_." He inhaled deeply and slowly let out a cloud of smoke. Randle didn't know if the kid was talking to him or thinking aloud.

"Yeah," Randle smiled, "you've read the book?"

"Over twenty times," Jess hugged his knees and rested his head on them, "it's a great book."

"It is," Randle nodded his head and watched the boy take another drag. He should be stopping that kid, he knew Jess wasn't old enough to be smoking, but the boy was dealing with a lot right then. He'd let the kid have a few cigarettes. Hell, from the way the kid looked, he definitely needed them.

"Jones!" He heard another officer call his name, his head snapping in the direction of the call. The man motioned him over. He looked back over at Jess. He didn't know if he should leave the kid or not.

"Would it be alright if I left you for a few minutes," he asked the teenager. The boy barely reacted to the question. If he hadn't noticed the small shrug the came from Jess' covered shoulders he would have though the kid hadn't even heard him. "I'll be right back," he assured Jess before standing up and making his way over towards the officer.

"Is the woman alright?" he asked as he reached the man. The officer didn't respond, his eyes fixated on something behind them. Jones turned to see what the other officer was looking at. He spotted another officer and a paramedic talking to Jess. The boy was now standing up, the cigarette that was almost glued to his hand thrown somewhere on the ground. He watched as the paramedic spoke, the boy's skin going instantly pale. The kid suddenly went weak. His knees suddenly gave out on him and he collapsed. The paramedic and officer quickly caught the kid and gently set him on the ground.

* * *

Luke parked his truck across the street from his sister's apartment. There were police cars and ambulances parked out front, their red and blue lights flickering in the darkness. Oh God, he hoped Liz was okay. The whole event felt so unreal to him. Luke opened the door and stepped out of the truck. He quickly made his way across the street.

"Excuse me," a police officer called, speedily making his way over to Luke, "you can't go any further." He blocked Luke from taking a step further, his hand pressed against Luke's chest.

"Liz Danes is my sister!" Luke told the officer, his eyes scanning the scene, trying to spot Jess or Liz, "The woman in there is my sister!"

The officer gave look a hard look up and down before nodding. The cop lifted the tape up for Luke and he ducked under, the officer flowing swiftly behind.

"Is she alright?" Luke turned and asked the officer. He was hoping for a good answer, he didn't want it to be bad. He didn't know what he would do if Liz was gone.

There was a pause before the officer spoke, "I'm sorry, she didn't make it."

Luke felt like he had been hit by a truck. Those six words almost made his heart stop. He couldn't believe it, Liz was his little sister. She wasn't supposed to die before him. His mind quickly went to Jess and the frantic phone call that brought him here.

"Jess," he spoke, his eyes darting around him, trying to spot the kid, "where is he? Where is my nephew?"

"This way," The officer led him towards the ambulance, "he's being treated for shock." The officer led him to the back of the truck. Jess was resting on a stretcher, an oxygen mouth covering his face. Luke entered the ambulance and made his way over to his nephew. The boy looked so pale, his skin almost taking on a bluish tint. Jess had a blanket wrapped around his skinny frame, protecting him from the cold. Luke ran his thumb over Jess' nephews skin felt clammy and sweaty.

"It's going to be alright, Jess," he assured his nephew, the boy's eyes finally locking with his uncle's. Jess gave a weak nod in response. Luke grabbed his nephew's hand and squeezed it tight. Jess squeezed back. God dammit, Luke cursed, this wasn't supposed to happen. None of it.

* * *

Thank you guys so much for reading. I hope you liked it.

I don't know when the next update for this tory will be. Soon perhaps? This is the first story that I've ever posted before actually finishing.

But in the meantime, please review! I really would appreciate it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title belongs to Phosphorescent while Gilmore Girls belongs to WB.**

Thank you all so much for the reviews, I'm so glad you liked the first chapter.

The lovely weather around here put my in such a good mood that I decided to post the second chapter up today.

I did a lot of research for this chapter, so that the facts would be precise and all.

I hope you enjoy it and please review!

* * *

The first few days after Liz's death were almost unreal. Luke stayed with Jess in New York, the two sharing a room in a hotel nearby Jess' apartment. Luke knew that Jess would probably not want to go back to that apartment anytime soon, not after what happened there.

They had taken Jess to hospital soon after Luke had gotten there that night. After a couple hours and a lot of paperwork, the doctor concluded that Jess had acute stress disorder. The doctor explained to him that the ordeal Jess experienced with Liz had brought on the symptoms. The doctor went on, explaining why it had happened and what they would do next. At the end of the night, he was handed three prescriptions and a pamphlet with more information. Jess was prescribed an anti-depressant, a mood stabilizer, and a beta-blocker. The doctor had told him that he needed all of these medications to successfully treat the disorder. The mood stabilizer was to help with the mood swings that his nephew would be facing and the beta-blockers were to help with the physical symptoms, like tremors. This was all so much for Luke to take in, and he barely even understood any of it. All he wanted was Jess to be okay.

He let Jess rest during their stay in New York. He made the arrangements for the funeral all on his own. He called Caesar and informed him of the situation and told him that he would be back in a few days, after the funeral. He knew the town was buzzing with gossip, each nosy resident making up their own story as to why Luke suddenly disappeared. He couldn't think about the rumors then though; he needed to think about the funeral and his nephew.

The funeral was hard on both the uncle and nephew. Luke couldn't help but let out the tears he'd been holding in since he had heard those six words days prior. His sister was gone. He remembered the days of their childhood, how innocent and naive Liz had been with her love for dolls and her favorite spots in the town for hide and seek. He thought of her young teenage years, how grown up she had become, all the boyfriends she had that both Luke and his father despised. Then he remembered Jess' birth. Liz loved that child more than anything. He was so small and Liz was so young. He remembered the visits to New York, all the times Liz had called him her "hero." Fuck, Luke cursed, why did she have to do this, why did she have to overdose? She left her son and him way too early. It wasn't right.

Jess didn't shed a tear at the funeral. He just watched, his tired eyes staring into space. Liz's death had really shaken his nephew and he hated seeing the kid like that. All the boy did during those days in New York was lay in bed. Luke had to force the teenager to eat and he couldn't get any of the medication down him the first few days. Jess finally agreed to take the three pills the day after the funeral. It took a lot of persuading on Luke's part but the kid finally budged.

Luke watched as his nephew slept. He was up bright and early, as usual. Today was the day they would leave New York and go back to Stars Hollow. He was now Jess' legal guardian. He was the only person Jess had left. He knew it was a huge responsibility, but he could handle it. He had to be able to handle it.

He studied the boy's sleeping form. His messy black hair was in tangles and his thin shirt was halfway up his torso, exposing his pale and flat stomach. Jess adjusted his position on the bed, kicking violently at the sheets covering his legs. Luke heard a whimper come from his nephew and his eyes widened. Jess was having a nightmare. He had read something in the pamphlet about this. Sometimes some people relive their trauma in the form of flashbacks and dreams. Jess was going through it all over again. He was watching her die all over again!

Luke quickly grabbed his nephew's arms and shook him gently, "Jess, Jess!" His nephew's eyes opened wide and the boy sat up straight. His body was shaking madly. He looked over at Luke and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

"Shit," he mumbled. He rubbed at his eyes and kicked the blanket covering his feet.

"Are you alright?" Luke asked the boy, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Just peachy, Luke," the kid sarcastically responded as he pushed Luke's hand away. He turned his body and let his feet hang off the bed. Jess rubbed his temples and looked at Luke.

"We're going back to Stars Hollow today, right?" he asked his uncle with a tired voice. He could still feel his body shaking. Damn this stupid acute stress thing, it was driving him insane.

"Yeah," Luke nodded as Jess stood up. He made his way over to the dresser and dug through the top drawer. Luke watched his nephew carefully, "Jess, what are you looking for?" he asked the boy.

Jess slammed the drawer shut and moved over to his duffle bag, "Those pills," he told Luke as he dug through his bag. He turned to face the man, "You know, the ones that make me stop, you know..." He motioned to his shaking form with his hands.

Luke nodded, slapped his knees, and stood up. "They're on the nightstand." Jess' eyes darted to the nightstand where the three bottles sat. He quickly made his way over to the table and studied the bottles.

"Which one do I take? Depakote, Sectral--"

"Uh," Luke gently pushed his nephew aside and grabbed the bottles from his hands, "I think the one you want is the blue and red one. It's Sectral...I think." Luke opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out the pamphlet he had gotten from the hospital. Jess rolled his eyes as his uncle flipped open the leaflet.

"You can't remember which one," Jess plopped down on the bed and rested his head in his hands, "God Luke, you're the one who's been forcing these things down my throat. You should at least know which one is which." Jess let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around his shaking body.

Luke finished scanning the pamphlet and threw it onto the table. He grabbed the bottle of Sectral and held it out to his nephew, "It's definitely this one."

Jess snatched the bottle out of his uncle's hands and fiddled with the child proof lid. When Jess finally got the bottle open, he poured out two pills and went to down them.

"Whoa there!" Luke swiftly grasped his nephew's hand, stopping him from swallowing the pills, "You have to eat before you take those. They'll tear your stomach apart."

Jess scoffed and rolled his eyes, "I think I'll survive."

He went for a second attempt. "Hey!" Luke suddenly pulled his wrist back, causing the pills to fall out of his hand an onto the bed, "Jess, you have to take them with food! Will you listen to me, dammit?" He released his nephew's wrist and grabbed the two pills from off the bed, "Besides," he added with a much calmer tone, "You're only supposed to take one."

Jess let out an exaggerated moan and let himself fall completely onto the bed. "You're going to drive me crazy," the kid mumbled into the covers. He let out another sigh and grumbled, "Order room service."

"What do you--" Luke started with a worried voice.

"Anything Luke!" the boy snapped, "Pancakes, cereal, a steak--anything!" Jess curled up onto the bed and let out a sigh, "I just want the tremors to stop."

Luke sat down on the edge of the bed and ruffled his nephew's hair, "Alright," It pained Luke to see his nephew so distraught. The boy was shaking profoundly. Luke watched his nephew's shaking form for a minute before reaching over to the phone, "I'll get us some pancakes." He told the boy, receiving a small nod and a mumbled "okay."

* * *

Luke threw Jess' duffle bag into the back of the truck and turned to face the boy. They stood in the parking lot outside of the hotel, the bright afternoon sun beaming down on them. After breakfast and Jess' medications the tremors thankfully stopped and the boy was able to get himself showered and ready to leave.

Jess stood a few feet away from his uncle, his arms crossed. He watched the man with a careful eye. Luke was dressed in his usual attire: a flannel shirt, jeans, and his famous backwards baseball cap. He still resembled a lumberjack, his unshaven face and red flannel shirt causing Jess to make mental comparisons of his uncle to the mythical Paul Bunyan, but something seemed different in the man. Maybe it was his new responsibility of "legal guardian" or perhaps it was about Liz. At the funeral days before he had seen the usually tough lumberjack cry for the first time. He didn't even know Luke had the ability to shed a tear until that day. Luke always seemed so...strong. It startled Jess to see him like that. _He_ didn't cry though. His mother's funeral came back to him in flashes. He couldn't remember the whole thing, only bits and pieces. He had been completely numb. At the time he wasn't taking his medication, and the depression was full on. He should have been able to save her. She shouldn't be dead. He was an orphan now. His dad was God knows where and his mother was dead. He was just like Dodger.

"Ready to go?" Luke questioned, snapping the boy out of his thoughts.

It took a minute for Jess to process the question. After a long pause, he finally responded with a shrug. "Yeah, I guess," he spoke with a nonchalant tone as he made his way to the passenger door.

Luke nodded, made his way over to the driver's side, and got into the truck. He shut his door with a slam and looked over towards his nephew, a smile on his face. Jess glanced over at him and returned the gesture. A strained smile, but that was good enough for now, Luke thought. He started the engine and pulled down the parking brake. His hand grasped the shift stick, but paused before putting the car into drive. Luke looked over at his nephew, the boy's eyes staring at the gear stick.

"So..." Jess started, his eyes falling onto his uncle, "Are you going to start the car, or are we going to sit here all day?" The boy crossed his arms, impatiently waiting for a response.

"Jess," Luke began. He didn't know if he should be asking this, thinking that maybe it would start up a fight between him and his nephew, but he felt he had to, "Do you want to go back to your apartment before we head to Connecticut? Is there anything you need to pick up from there?"

Jess suddenly got tense, his shoulders tightening up. He stared ahead for a moment, his mind lost in thought. Luke felt a singe of regret for bringing up the apartment. Of course Jess wouldn't want to go back there, he had watched his mother die there! He was about to speak up, apologize for bringing it up, but Jess beat him to the punch.

"No," he shook his head, "you picked up pretty much all of my stuff for me when you went the first time." He slumped down into his seat and looked over at his uncle, "Besides, most of my stuff is still in Stars Hollow. You never shipped it back."

"Oh," Luke nodded, "Alright then...so I guess we'll get going then?" he looked over at his nephew, awaiting some sign of approval.

"Yeah," Jess responded as he reached over and switched the radio on, "Put her into drive."

Luke tightened his grasp on the stick shift and pulled it into drive. He gave one last glance towards his nephew, who was surfing channels, trying to find something worth listening to, before turning his eyes back to the road and exiting the parking lot.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading!

I'll try and get an update up again sometime soon; this story has been coming along pretty well.

Thanks and again and please review. I really love to hear what you think.

:)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual.**

Sorry it took me so long to get this up. My week ended up being pretty busy.

Thank you all so much for the reviews, I really appreciate them all and I'm so glad to here you liked the story!

Like I stated before, I did do some research for this story, but don't flip out if there are some mistakes. I tried to be as accurate as possible.

Alright, well, here's chapter three. Enjoy!

* * *

About an hour into the drive, Luke noticed Jess getting antsy. The boy had given up on the radio forty-five minutes ago and had instead pulled out a book. The book had kept him occupied for quite some time, but being stuck in the cramped truck was really getting to the kid. From his mirror, Luke watched the boy kick his legs around, trying to fight the cramps. The feeling was mutual: Luke felt he too was definitely in need of a stretch.

"Take this exit!" Jess suddenly screamed, startling the man. The kid's finger tapped on the window steadily as he pointed to the right. "Luke, there's a gas station. I need to get out this car. Come on, take the exit!"

Luke obeyed and merged onto the exit ramp. He drove into the parking lot of the gas station and pulled up next to a gas pump. Once he shut the engine off, Jess unbuckled his seatbelt and swiftly exited the car. He stuffed his book into his back pocket and stretched his legs.

"Thank God," he mused aloud, "my legs were about to go numb." He turned to find his uncle putting the gas pump into the car. Jess made his way over to Luke's side of the truck and leaned against the pump.

"Hey Luke," Jess called, causing Luke to glance over at him, "You think I could borrow a few bucks, to buy some food, you know? A growing boy's got to eat."

"Uh, yeah sure," Luke dug into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He flipped the black leather billfold open and pulled out a ten, "Here."

Jess snatched the bill from his hand and stuffed it in his pocket, "You want anything?" he asked, still facing his uncle as he took a step back towards the convenient shop.

"No thanks," he told the boy as he placed his wallet back in his pocket, "I'd rather not clog my arteries."

Jess snorted, "I forgot; you're a health nut. All greens and no fats."

"It's not a bad thing, you know!" Luke informed the boy, waving a finger at him. Jess turned and walked towards the store.

"Yeah, yeah," He shrugged his uncle off, "Suit yourself then." He opened the door to the store, the sound of a bell above his head greeting him. It reminded him of Luke's diner's bell, except the bell there was more of an annoyance. He made his way over to the counter and spotted what he really came in for: cigarettes. He eyed the pack that he craved, those Marlboro Reds. He had almost begged Luke to buy him a pack of cigarettes after he ran out, but the man resisted. He gave him the speech about how smoking was bad for him and how he wouldn't "feed into his addiction." Jess found the speech quite hilarious looking back now, but at the time he almost jumped Luke for refusing to get him a new pack. Once he was done staring at the beautiful display of Marlboros, he quickly made his way around the store, grabbing candy bars and chip bags. He even grabbed a bag of trail mix for Luke. That was healthy, wasn't it? Once he had completed his shop for food, he made his way to the counter and placed the items down. The man behind the counter was younger, which was good, Jess noted. It meant it was less likely that he would check for ID.

The man greeted him with a quick hello and began ringing him up.

"Could I get a pack of Marlboro Reds?" Jess asked, eyeing the packs behind the man. The cashier studied him for a moment, his eyes darting up and down. The man nodded and grabbed a pack from behind him. Jess smiled, a genuine smile. It had been the first time in days that he had really felt good enough to really smile. Sure, he'd given Luke the occasional assuring smile, to ease his worried uncle, but those were never real. This was the only time in days that he could actually remember _really_ being happy_. _Maybe that meant he was getting better?

Once the cashier had finished ringing up his items, Jess handed the man the money and thanked him with a smile. He stuffed the pack in his pocket and pushed the door open. He made his way back over to the truck where Luke was waiting for him patiently.

"Bought you a bag of trail mix," Jess threw Luke the bag and made his way over to the passenger side. He opened the door and threw the chips and candy bars into the backseat of the truck.

"Thanks," Luke said as he got into the truck. Luke and Jess both shut their doors and buckled their seat belts. Luke looked over at the boy and gave him that all-too familiar worried look. Jess had been receiving that look for days, and it was driving him insane. Luke didn't need to worry about him, he wasn't the diner owner's problem. He should be Liz's. But no, his mother had gone ahead, been selfish, and died instead.

Jess ran a hand through his hair and glanced back over to Luke. The worried stare still greeted him, this time much more apparent. "Fuck," Jess cursed under his breath. _Time for the fake smile and sarcastic remark._

"What can I say?" Jess followed the cue, giving Luke a smile as the man started the engine, "I'm a giver."

* * *

As the uncle and nephew continued their drive, the scenery began to become much more familiar. They were nearing Stars Hollow. The ride had been silent for the most part, Jess occupied with his book while Luke concentrated on driving. Once Jess saw the sign reading _Stars Hollow 10 miles,_ however, he shut his book and turned his attention to his uncle.

"So..." he started, his voice trailing off, "Who in the town knows?"

"Uh," Luke glanced over at Jess for a quick moment before focusing once again on the road, "I told Caesar of course. He had to know that the diner wouldn't be open for a few days. I also made a quick call to Lorelai--"

"Good job, Uncle Luke," Jess sighed as he cut Luke off and rubbed his temples, "Tell the chatty Gilmore. You should've of just called the press, given me the front page of the newspaper. The whole town probably found out anyway within five minutes of your call." Jess shut his eyes tight and rubbed harder.

"Jess, it's a small town--"

"And gossip spreads there like virus, I know," Jess sighed and leaned his head against the head rest, "You didn't tell anyone about, you know...?" He couldn't remember what it was called, the thing he had. The name slipped his mind.

"The Acute Stress Disorder?" Luke glanced over at his nephew, "Lorelai knows, but she _also _knows to keep that between us." Luke recalled his quick call with Lorelai. He had felt the need to call her that night at the hospital, after the doctors had told him everything. He needed someone to talk to, and he knew Lorelai would be the one to listen. He told her about Liz's death and Jess' problems, and she had given her condolences and advice on what he had to do. She told him that she would help him in any way she could, and even offered to come down to New York and assist with Jess and the funeral arrangements for Liz. He had turned her down, knowing that Jess probably didn't want to see Lorelai at that moment. Besides, Luke knew he had to keep his full attention on Jess, and if Lorelai was there it would have been a diversion. In the end, she promised to keep quiet about Jess' disorder and vowed to help the two once they returned. That was something Luke liked about Lorelai: she was always there for him, and even though she was still a bit upset with both Luke and Jess after that accident, she pushed all that stuff behind her and volunteered to be there for both of them.

Jess let out an exaggerated sigh and stuffed his book in his pocket, "Great, thanks Luke." He flipped on the radio and laid back in his seat. He looked out the window and watched the familiar scenery pass by. They were driving through Town Square now, Ms. Patty's Dance Studio to their right and Luke's to the left. Jess noted that there was no mob of townsfolk waiting outside of the diner for Luke's return. Maybe no one really knew yet. Maybe he was wrong about that Gilmore, maybe she kept it all to herself.

Luke pulled the car up to the curb and shut the engine off. He looked over towards his nephew, who had already unbuckled his seatbelt and was now opening the door, before doing the same. Jess met him on the other side of the car and Luke pulled out the boy's duffle bag from the back. He handed it over to Jess and the boy slung it over his shoulder.

"Oh, Luke!" the familiar but unpleasant voice of Taylor Doose called from behind. Both Jess and Luke turned to see Taylor hastily make his way over to them. He wore his usual cardigan and khaki pants, and greeted the two with a somewhat apologetic smile.

"Taylor," Luke spoke the name with a hint of annoyance. He wasn't in the mood for any of the man's annoying antics. All he wanted to do was get inside the diner and up into his apartment. He'd reopen the diner tomorrow, in the meantime he thought he'd try and spend some quality time with Jess.

"Oh my, I heard about your loss," he spoke with a tinge of sorrow in his voice, "It's just terrible. My condolences to you both." His eyes darted from Luke to Jess then back again, "While I'm here, I wanted to talk to you about--"

"Taylor," Luke growled, "Not now." He didn't want to talk about or hear about any suggestions Taylor had about his diner or anything that had to do with the town. He noticed Jess give him an amused glance, the boy's arms crossed, waiting to see what would happen next.

"But Luke--"

"Taylor!" Luke threw his hands up in the air, "I'm not going to be accountable for what I do to you if you don't get at least one block away from me in ten! Nine! Eight...!"

"Alright, alright," Taylor started backing away, fear in his eyes, "We can discuss it tomorrow." He back up into the street and turned his back towards the two before hurrying off.

Luke heard a soft chuckle from his nephew and looked towards the kid. Jess stood there with a smirk on his face, his eyes following Taylor as the man continued to make his way towards the other side of the street.

"Thanks Luke," he gave the man a pat on the back and walked over to the door, "I really needed some comic relief right then."

"Glad to be of service," Luke retorted, pulling out his keys and followed his nephew. He unlocked the door and opened it for Jess. The boy walked in, Luke following close behind. Jess stopped in the middle of the diner and looked around.

"Wow," his eyes darted around from table to coffee pot to menu, "I see nothing's changed since I left."

"No," Luke shook his head, "We got a new special." He pointed at the chalkboard. Jess' eyes followed, and he read the special off the board.

"Bacon omelette," Jess nodded and looked back at his uncle, "You added bacon to the omelette. Wow, Luke, you really are taking a risk there."

"Jess..." Luke's voice trailed off, a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Jess raised his hands up in defense and made his way towards the stair. He quickly disappeared behind the curtain and rushed up the stairs. Luke started to make his way up to the apartment, slowly following his nephew. By the time Luke made it in the room, Jess' duffle bag was spilled onto the floor and the boy was back to reading.

"Unpacked?" Luke asked, staring down at the pile of clothes, CD's and books that lay on the floor. Jess glanced up from his book to Luke, then down to the pile of clothes.

"Seems that way to me," Jess dropped his book onto his bed and stepped over to the pile. He began digging through it, tossing shirts and pants around the room. When he finally found what he was looking for, his lighter, he stood up and sat back down on his bed.

"Okay, Luke," Jess pulled out his new pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took off the plastic, "I'm going to smoke a cigarette and you're not going to say one word. I need one bad but I'm not going to go out there to take the chance of running into any of the mental patients that make up the inhabitants of this town." Jess placed the stick in between his lips and flicked the thumbwheel of his lighter. He lit the end of the stick and shut his lighter.

"Jess!" Luke scolded. Where had the kid got another pack of cigarettes from? He refused to buy his nephew any--he wasn't going to feed into that deadly habit--but somehow Jess found a way to get them. God, it was hard enforcing rules with that boy.

"Shh..." Jess stood up and opened the window. He sat down on the couch and took another drag. It felt good to smoke again. It had been days since he had had a cigarette, and he'd been craving one bad. He took a long drag and let it out slowly. God, it was relaxing. It amazed him how the simple motion of inhaling and exhaling could calm him so much.

Luke took a seat next to his nephew and watched the boy continued his death wish. The kid suddenly stood up and tapped the ash off the end of his cigarette out the window. He then sat back down and rested his head against the back of the couch, eyes shutting. The moment brought back memories of the old days: Jess and Luke sitting in the apartment near dusk, finally past the fighting and screaming part of the day, the boy reading a book while Luke was drinking a beer. The nostalgic calm he felt during those times was revived. This calm now, however, was different. It would never be the way it used to be, not for a long time. He watched as Jess brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his skinny arms around them. The boy stared out the window and took another drag.

"I was wrong," Jess suddenly acknowledged. Luke turned his attention to his nephew, waiting for him to explain. The kid's gaze was still focused on the window. He took another drag before continuing, "Everything's changed."

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading!

I'll try and get another chapter of this up as soon as I can, as well as a chapter from another story that I just started writing.

Thanks again for reading and please, please, _please_ review.

:)


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to get this up. I'm working on like three stories right now and I haven't had time to edit this chapter until today.

Well, I hope you guys enjoy it, and please, please, please review. I really appericate every one of them!

:)

* * *

Luke reopened the diner the next morning to a herd of customers. It seemed that everyone in the town decided to come to the diner for breakfast. He hurriedly made his way from table to table, taking orders and filling up coffee mugs. He was hoping the crowd wouldn't be this large; he wanted to be upstairs when Jess got up to make him something to eat. Luke knew that if he wasn't there to make sure the boy took his medications, then the kid wouldn't take them at all. All hope seemed lost though, the diner filling up with more curious customers by the minute.

The bell above the door rang once again, alerting Luke to another customer's arrival. He glanced up to see who it was and his lips formed a small smile. Lorelai entered the diner, followed by Rory. They both scanned the room, trying to find an empty table.

"They're all full," Luke informed the two as he made his way over to them, "The whole town decided they wanted to eat at my diner this morning."

"Wow," Rory commented, her mouth slightly agape, "I don't think there has ever been this many people in the diner at one time." Her eyes darted from familiar face to familiar face. She saw Miss Patty, Kirk, Babette, Morey, Bootsy, pretty much everyone. It was such an odd sight. The only time the town was all together in the same room was at the town meetings, but even at those not everyone attended. It really seemed like _everyone_ was in the diner.

"Isn't this breaking some sort of fire code?" Lorelai asked, receiving a gruff "probably" from Luke as he made his way over to a table a few steps away to refill a mug.

"Guess we take the stools then?" Rory turned to ask her mother. The woman nodded and led her daughter to the two remaining stools that were not occupied at the counter. She couldn't believe so many people were in the diner. Once the news spread about Luke's loss and the town heard that it was Jess' mother, rumors began to flow. Some joked that all the trouble that her son made for her probably caused her to keel over. It angered Lorelai to hear the rumors like that, the ones that were harsh criticisms of the boy. How could people make such a harsh joke about this situation? Yes, she wasn't Jess' biggest fan and normally even she would, but this was difference. The kid wasn't that bad. And besides, she knew the real story. She knew Jess had found his mother lying on the floor. She knew about the boy going into shock. She _knew _about the Acute Stress Disorder. The teenager was going through a lot right then, and the townsfolk had no right to make some sort of joke out of it no matter how funny.

"What can I get you two?" Luke cut her rant short. He stood in front of her, an order pad and pencil in hand. She studied her friend. He looked exhausted; she could see the gray circles under his eyes. She didn't understand why Luke opened the diner up again the day after he got home. He needed some personal time. He had just lost his sister. He needed time for himself, and he needed to be with his nephew. She wondered where the boy was now. Upstairs, perhaps? Still asleep, sprawled out on his mattress, sheets kicked every which way. That was where Luke should be as well: sleeping in for once and getting some time to himself. She'd bring it up to Luke later though, for now she'd just order her food and leave Luke to his work.

"I'll have the omelette." Lorelai pointed up at the special's board with a smile, "I must say Luke, putting bacon in the omelette was a marvelous idea."

Luke gave a light chuckle and wrote down her order. He looked over to Rory.

"Just some pancakes for me, Luke," she gave the man a smile and took a sip from the coffee mug in front of her.

Luke nodded and finished writing down Rory's order. He suddenly heard the thud of light footsteps pacing down the stairs. He turned and looked towards the curtain right as Jess pushed it aside and emerged from behind. The boy looked worn. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt, a pair of black sweats. He could see the kid trembling a little, a symptom that seemed to be plaguing the boy lately. It wasn't as bad or noticeable as it had been the morning before, but it was hardly hidden. His hair wasn't gelled like usual, instead it was a messy mop on top his head, black curls going in every which direction.

Jess made his way over to his uncle, who greeted him with a smile, "Hey Jess." The room suddenly went silent, all eyes falling on the boy and his uncle. Jess paused and his eyes glanced around the packed diner. He was little startled by the amount of people that occupied the diner. It seemed like the _whole_ town was sitting in the cramped room.

He let out a sigh and turned around, "Screw it," he mumbled loud enough for Luke and the rest of the town to here. He made his way to the steps and pushed the curtain back, "I need a smoke." He let out a small groan and made his way back up the stairs. Once the apartment door was heard shutting, the diner roared back into conversation.

"Shit," Luke quickly handed the order to Caesar before hastily making his way up the stairs. He opened the door to find Jess laying sideways on his bed, a cigarette in his mouth. The boy glanced up at Luke as the man walked in but quickly turned his attention back to the stick in his hand.

"I see the whole town wanted to welcome me back," Jess remarked gruffly. He was feeling like crap and the town wasn't helping.

Luke could tell the boy was just too out of it to put much effort in his retorts. It was what he had dealt with those first few days in New York: a more apathetic and sometimes silent Jess. They were practically back to monosyllables when he was like this.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Luke inquired. He received a glare from his nephew and quickly regretted asking.

"Irritable," Jess took a drag and turned onto his back. Luke took a few steps closer to his nephew, his eyes quickly glancing over the three pill bottles lined up on the kitchen counter.

"How about I make you something to eat?" Luke offered, a smile on his face, "Then you can take your medications."

Jess inhaled and responded, "Nah." He shrugged as he let the smoke escape his lungs, "I'm not hungry."

_Great, _Luke thought, _The fighting begins_. "You need to eat." Luke told the boy as he crossed his arms, a stern and authoritative look crossing his features.

Jess snorted. He placed the cigarette in between his lips and sat up crisscross. "Well, right now I need to smoke, and that's more important to me." He took another drag.

"I'm making you something to eat," Luke announced with some sternness. Jess was now irritating him. The kid could be so hard to deal with sometimes. Luke made his way towards the door and slammed it open with a bang. He had used more force than he thought.

"Fine," Jess called back, "Doesn't mean I'll eat it though!"

Luke just continued his way down the stairs, his feet stomping louder and louder with each step. God dammit, why did the kid have to be so stubborn? He made his way into the kitchen and called to Caesar.

"I'm going to be upstairs," he told the cook, "You and the guys can handle this, right?" He pointed to the packed diner with his thumb.

Caesar gave a nod and Luke nodded back. Luke turned around and found the whole diner's eyes on him once again. He let out an irritated sigh and yelled, "Would you stop staring already!? Jeez..." He made his way to the stairs and pushed the curtain aside with force. Luke's feet stomped up the stairs and the door slammed shut with a loud boom.

Lorelai looked over towards her daughter, the girl's face meeting her with a look of distress. She felt the same way. Both Luke and Jess were going through a lot right then, and the entire town acting as an audience was definitely not helping any. There was no way to stop their curiosity, but they could at least be courteous enough to give the two men some space.

Rory sighed and took a sip of her coffee, "Jess looked terrible." Her friend had indeed looked awful. She didn't know much about his mother's death, other then the fact it was an overdose, but she knew it had to be dreadful to lose a parent. She couldn't even imagine losing her mother or father. The thought brought tears to her eyes.

"Yeah," Lorelai nodded, "And the town isn't really helping any." She took a sip of her coffee and turned to take a quick glance around the diner. She could hear whispers between neighbor's, hushed words about Jess and Luke. It really angered her how insensitive the town was being.

Rory looked out towards her bus stop. She looked at her watch and gave her mother a sad look, "My bus is going to be here soon," she told her mother. She stood up and grabbed her backpack from off the ground.

"Go," her mother motioned to the door with a smile, "I'll hold down the fort while you're gone." Rory gave her mother a weak smile and hoisted her backpack onto her back. Lorelai could tell she was hesitant. She was really worried about Luke and especially Jess. Lorelai knew that Rory had taken a liking to the troubled rebel ever since he first got into town, and her liking for the boy grew more and more the longer she knew him. It worried Lorelai at first; she didn't want her daughter becoming fond of a kid like him, the boy was troubled. At first she wanted to try to stop the friendship, but after many fights with Rory, she knew she couldn't really stop the two from being friends.

"I'll go check on them," She gave her daughter an assuring smile, "Now go!" She shooed her daughter. "Get off to school!"

Rory gave her mother a nod and made her way outside. Lorelai watched as her daughter made her way over to the bus stop. The bus arrived right as she got to the bench and the girl got on. Lorelai turned around and took a sip of her coffee, her eyes traveling to the curtain that led to the apartment above. She took one final sip of her coffee and placed the mug onto the counter. She slowly got off her stool and made her way towards the curtain. A few curious eyes followed her footsteps. She glanced back at the packed diner, the eyes of the customers quickly darting away from her, before pushing the curtain aside and making her way upstairs. As she opened the door, she found Luke hastily making his way around the small apartment kitchen, making toast and eggs. Jess sat near the window, knees up near his chest, a cigarette between his lips and a book in his hand. Luke turned and looked over towards her. She greeted him with a smile.

"Hey," she spoke and gave a small wave. Jess looked up from his book. His eyes went from Lorelai to Luke then back again.

"Hey," Luke responded as he grabbed a plate from one of the cabinets and placed it on the counter next to him. He put a piece of toast on the plate and scrapped on some scrambled egg.

"Hi Jess," Lorelai greeted the teenager, giving him a warm smile. Jess gave a curt nod and took the cigarette out of his mouth. He tapped the ash out the window and returned the cigarette to where it had been.

"I just wanted to see how you two were doing," she informed the uncle and nephew. Jess shut his book and stood up. He walked over to his pile of possessions and pulled out a shirt and a pair of jeans.

He scoffed as he threw the two articles of clothing onto the bed, "Just honky dory," he took a drag from his cigarette and turned to give Lorelai a look. He wanted her to leave. He didn't want to see anyone from the town right then, especially Lorelai. He didn't need their pity or apologies. He hated how everyone knew his business, and the way they all _stared_ at him that morning, with those looks of pity and sorrow in their eyes...he didn't need them to feel sorry for him; he didn't _want_ them to feel sorry for him. All he wanted was for them to pretend like they knew nothing and to just leave him alone. He wanted them to treat him like they used to: with hateful glares and whispered insults. He wanted things to be normal. He went to the window and tossed his cigarette. He quickly made his way back to his bed and grabbed his clothes. He turned his attention to Luke.

"I'm going to get dressed," he made his way over to the bathroom.

"Jess, you're breakfast is ready! Come eat --" the slam of the bathroom door cut Luke off mid-sentence. He let out a sigh, placed the plate on the table and sat down in one of the chairs. He rubbed at his temples. Lorelai walked over to her friend and sat down next to him. She laid a gentle hand on his leg.

"I'm still terrible at this whole parenting thing," he let out a sigh and let his hands drop onto his lap, "He still won't listen to me."

"No, you're not, Luke. You're doing fine," she assured her friend, "He just lost his mother, he's dealing with a lot right now. You both are," Luke looked over at her, a sad expression gracing his features, "You and Jess should just take some personal time. Be with each other, you need time to grieve."

Luke knew that he should have waited to open the diner back up, but he needed something to do. He had to keep his mind off of Liz's death. Whenever he was alone, or Jess was keeping silent, his mind would drift back to his sister. The only way his mind wouldn't wander to his late sister was to keep himself occupied. The diner kept his mind occupied. He had barely thought about his sister while his was working that morning. Now he couldn't help but think about her.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he spoke after a pause, his eyes falling to the floor, "Things shouldn't be like this."

Lorelai grasped her friend's hand and squeezed tight. It pained her to see one of her best friends so miserable. "Everything will be alright, Luke," she guaranteed. Things needed to work out with the man and his nephew. Luke had lost his whole family--his father, mother and sister were all dead--his family was practically all gone. He and Jess were the only two left. They were all each other had.

"You should get to the inn," Luke insisted, "I don't want to keep you from your work."

"You're not keeping me from anything," she gave the man a smile, "The only thing I'm missing is Michel complaining about half the staff. That's a regular occurrence."

Luke smiled, "Go on and go," he stood up and looked toward the bathroom door, "I'm going to try to get James Dean in there to switch from cigarettes to food."

Lorelai stood up, "I wish you luck, that may be a hard feat." she patted her friend gently on the back and made her way to the door. "I'll come back later tonight and we can talk more."

"That would be nice," He nodded as she turned the handle, "Thanks Lorelai."

"No problem," she stepped into the hall and turned back, "I'll see you tonight!"

He heard her feet lightly stomp down the stairs. He was thankful Lorelai had offered to come back later. He really needed to talk things out. He needed advice on Jess' situation as well as some company other than the moody teen. His eyes moved over towards the bathroom door, where Jess had emerged fully clothed. Their eyes meet. Jess quickly looked away and diverted his attention to the plate covered with eggs and toast on the table.

The kid made his way over to the table and sat down in front of the plate. Luke took a seat next to the boy and watched as Jess stared at the food in front of him. His eyes traveled from the scrambled eggs to the toast, then up to the glass of orange juice. His eyes stopped on the three pills that rested on a saucer next to the glass. He looked up at Luke before pushing the plate away.

Luke let out a sigh as he watched his nephew rest his head on the table, his arms becoming a pillow. "Jess, come on." Luke took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair, "Please eat." The boy didn't even flinch. He just sat there as if a word hadn't been said. "Jess, why do you have to be so stubborn? Please, just eat."

Jess glanced up at his uncle. The man looked as bad as he felt, gray circles standing out under his drooping eyes. His uncle was taking it pretty bad as well. He didn't want to cause the man any more unnecessary stress.

Luke watched as Jess suddenly sat up and moved the plate back in front of him. He grabbed the fork from off the table and stabbed at a piece of egg. Luke felt accomplished as he saw Jess eat a tiny bite. A small smile formed on his lips as he watched Jess take a bite of his toast. The boy glanced over at his uncle before placing the toast down and going back to the eggs.

"Last night," Jess started, taking another nibble of his eggs, "I dreamed about it again." He never took his eyes off of the plate, not letting himself glance at Luke.

"You did?" Luke asked. He was somewhat surprised but then again, he was told that it would be a regular occurrence for a while. Jess finished up his eggs and went back to the toast.

"Yeah," he nodded slightly, trying to keep a nonchalant composure, "It was around three." He took a bite of his toast. He finally took his eyes off of the near empty plate and looked at his uncle, "I was wondering, how long is this..._thing _supposed to last?"

Luke rested his elbows against the table, "The doctor said it could be two days at the shortest, four weeks at the most," Jess looked down towards the table, "But he said if we didn't treat it correctly it could turn into Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which could last up to six months."

Jess' eyes went wide. He couldn't stand feeling this way for four days; there's no way he could last for six months. His eyes darted over to the saucer holding his medications. He picked up the three pills and grabbed the glass of orange juice. He downed them quickly, the cold juice helping him swallow. He placed the half empty glass onto the table with a thud and looked over towards his uncle. "_I'm _not going to be like this for six months, Luke," Jess protested, "I can't even handle a few days."

Jess was still shaking lightly, the calm the cigarettes had brought quickly disappearing. Luke laid a hand on his nephew's shoulder, "We'll get through this, Jess," he assured the boy, "Everything will be alright."

His nephew looked so weak then, so vulnerable. It was killing Luke to see him so distraught. This wasn't fair. Liz had put him and this kid through so much but she had to put them through this. She had no right to overdose like that. Her kid needed her. Luke suddenly got up and kneeled down in front of Jess. He wrapped the kid up in his arms and held him tight. "Everything is going to be alright," he repeated, this time trying to assure not just his nephew but himself, "I promise you that."

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Well, there you have it! I'll try to update as soon as possible, as usual.

Thank you all so much for reading and sorry for the long wait.

Please review!!!!

:)


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter, I really appreciate it!

Sorry it's taking me so long to get chapters up now a days, I'm nearing my finals and school's been getting in the way of my writing.

Well, here's chapter five. Enjoy!

* * *

The morning passed by quickly for Jess. He sat up in the apartment, reading and smoking. Luke was getting a little irritated with coming into an apartment that reeked of cigarette smoke, but Jess had promised the man he'd go outside for a bit and smoke out there. He had yet to do that though. He still sat in the apartment, using a plate as a makeshift ash tray, simply becoming too lazy to walk over to the window and tap the ash off of the cigarette's butt. The sun was beginning to set on the crazy town, the sky taking on a swirl of blues, pinks, and oranges. Jess figured this would be the best time to head outside. Most people in the town tended to go home around dusk. He still didn't want to run into any of them, especially the chatty Miss Patty. He knew for sure that she would stop him and express her sorrow for his situation in a dramatic tone. He got up from his bed and walked towards the window. He took one good look around the town square, eyes scanning the streets for any pesky neighbors. Once he saw the coast was clear, he tossed his cigarette out the window and stuffed his book in his pocket.

He opened the door to the apartment and made his way swiftly down the stairs. Pushing the curtain aside, he quickly scanned the diner for Luke. When he spotted the man refilling the coffee mug of an unfamiliar customer, he made his way over to him. He could feel some of the more familiar customer's eyes following him as he moved, but made no notion he was aware of it.

"I'm going to head out for a bit," Jess informed his uncle as he reached him. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and felt for his cigarette pack.

Luke looked at his nephew and nodded, "Be back before ten, alright?"

"Yeah," Jess nodded and made his way over to the door. The bell rang as he pushed the door open and made his way out. He started his walk towards the bridge, his eyes taking in his surroundings once again. It felt like ages since he had been there, since Luke had sent him back to Liz. It felt weird being back in the small, little town, when just days ago he was living in a large, crowded city. Days ago, his mother was still alive, and his life was normal. He quickly pulled out a cigarette and blocked the thought out. He couldn't let himself think about that again; he needed to stop forcing his mother back into his thoughts. He lit the end of his cigarette as he stepped onto the bridge.

"Jess," his head snapped up at the sound of his name. He was greeted by the smiling face of a blue-eyed girl. Rory held a brown paper bag in her hands, filled with what looked like junk food and candy. He saw a bag of marshmallows sticking out from the top along with a couple of chocolate bars.

He gave the girl a small smile and spoke, "I see you've bought out the whole candy section of Doose's Market."

She laughed and looked at her overstuffed bag, "Yeah, my mom told me to pick up some junk food. She wanted to have a _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ movie night after she headed over to Luke's."

"Hmm," Jess nodded, "Sounds very unhealthy but at the same time very tempting."

She smiled and looked down at her feet. She didn't know if she should ask him how he was doing, with the death and all, but she felt she had to. The way he looked that morning was terrible. He looked a bit better now, but she could still tell something was off. When she looked back up, her face had taken on a very serious look. "How are you doing?" she whispered. She didn't want to just blurt out how sorry she was that he lost his mother. She knew Jess, and she knew he wouldn't want to hear it. He didn't want pity.

"Decent, I guess," Jess shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pocket, "How have you been since," a pause, "The accident?"

"Don't worry about me, Jess," she gave her friend an assuring smile, "I'm pretty tough." Jess smirked and inhaled. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and let his hand fall to his side, "I'm all healed though," she continued, "No cast anymore." She waved her hand with a bright smile.

"I'm really sorry--"

"No," Rory stopped her friend mid-sentence, "It wasn't your fault. It was both of ours," she shook her head, "Let's not talk about that though. The past is in the past."

"Well then, Miss Gilmore, what would you like to talk about?" He gave the girl a smirk and lifted the cigarette to his lips.

"Hmm," Rory pondered, her eyes traveling up. When the idea hit her, she looked back down at her friend, eyes sparkling, "We could talk about you."

"No," Jess shook his head sternly, "I don't want to talk about me or anything that has to do with my mom. I want things to be normal again and in order for things be normal, we can't talk about her." Rory watched as he took an almost frantic drag from his cigarette, "I don't want to think about it." He tapped the ash off of the end of the stick. "We can talk about anything else but that. Music, books, even," he shuddered, "Ayn Rand."

"Hey," Rory exclaimed, "Ayn Rand is great. You just need to give her another chance." She stomped her heel against the ground with authority.

Jess chuckled and took a drag, "Then you need to give Hemmingway another shot."

Rory sighed and shook her head, "Fine," she announced, holding out her hand, "Deal?" Jess stared at it for a minute before grasping it with pleasure. They shook on it, smirking.

"Deal," Jess agreed.

Even though he tried to hide it, things still didn't feel right. Thoughts of Liz kept popping up in the back of his mind. Her face pale and transparent as she laid on the floor, her body paralyzed. Dammit, he just wanted things to be normal again, that's all he really wanted. He didn't want to keep thinking of what she looked like on that day; he didn't want to keep waking up, feeling completely out of it as his body shook with tremors. He wanted to be normal again. He wanted everything to be the way it used to be, but he knew nothing would ever be that way again. Things were forever changed.

* * *

The bell above the diner door rang loudly, causing Luke to look up from the counter. He was going through orders and checking the cash register to make sure everything was there. He suspected it was Jess, getting back from his quick escape for fresh air but instead he found it to be the smiling face of Lorelai Gilmore.

"Hey," she greeted as she made her way up to the counter. She sat down on the stool in front of Luke and rested her elbows against the table top.

Luke placed the stack of orders on the table and waved, "Hey yourself."

"I'm here to talk about whatever you want," she informed the man as if it was some favor, "Jess, Liz, your unhealthy love for flannel. Anything." She watched as Luke made his way over to the stool next to her and took a seat.

"I'm really worried," Luke took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair.

"I see. The old therapy session, huh? Well, Dr. Lorelai is here." She waved a hand jovially.

"I'm being serious, Lorelai." Luke reinforced. He sighed. Of course the woman wouldn't understand...

"And I'm being serious too. I'm seriously worried about your addiction to flannel attire." She took his arm, "I want to help you get through it." The man rolled his eyes and pushed her hand away, resting his arm on the countertop.

"I'm talking about Jess," he announced, "He won't talk to me. He just sits there half the time, smoking a pack a day. Lorelai, I don't know how to help him. He hasn't even cried yet. He should have cried, right? I mean, it was his mom. He hasn't shown any signs of grieving. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting, maybe he's dealing with it in a different way--"

"No," The self-proclaimed doctor interrupted, "You're not overreacting at all. It's not normal for someone to not even shed a tear when someone dies, especially when it's their mother."

"She wasn't the best mother though," Luke explained. He wanted a reason why his nephew was acting like this. Why the boy practically avoided the subject of Liz like it was the plague. He wanted an explanation to why he hadn't cried. He wanted rationalization.

"She was still his mother though, Luke!" Lorelai exclaimed with her voice raised, "He's not over this. He's far from it. He needs to talk about it. He needs to let go and let it all out. The more he keeps it inside, the longer he'll be like this."

Luke rubbed his temples and shut his eyes, "And that's what I'm worried about," Luke looked up at Lorelai, "What he has now could develop into something more long term. He can't even live with it well now--it's driving him crazy--how could he possibly live with it for months?"

"Try to get him to open up," Lorelai suggested. Luke scoffed at the suggestion and crossed his arms. He knew there was little chance that Jess would open up to him easily. It took him months to get the boy to have conversations with him that consisted of more than a few monosyllable words. "Or maybe," Lorelai paused. She didn't know if this was any more likely of an option, but she had to at least put it out there. She continued, "You could send him to a therapist," She thought for a moment, remembering her own title, "A _real _therapist."

It took a second for Luke to fully take in what Lorelai suggested, "A...therapist?" Luke shook his head, "No, Jess wouldn't go for that." He knew his nephew well enough to know that the boy wouldn't be open at all to talking to a shrink. The doctor from the hospital had suggested that too, but Luke had dismissed it as almost impossible. He sat there for a moment and thought more into it, "You think that would really be a good idea?"

"I looked a little more into Acute Stress Disorder," she explained, "And I read that they suggest some sort of therapy to help the patient cope and get over the traumatic event that they faced."

Luke remembered reading something about that. "Wait," Luke spoke, eyes widen, "You did some research on ASD?"

Lorelai gave him a smile and nodded, "I told you I would help you in any way I could," she grabbed a donut from the display tray near her, "And I needed information on ASD to help you help your nephew." She took a bite of the jelly filled donut she picked up.

"Thank you, Lorelai," Luke gave the woman a kind smile, "It really means a lot to me that you're helping me out like this. You didn't have to do it."

"What are friends for?" she smiled and looked at the time, "Oh crap, I told Rory I'd be home thirty minutes ago." She picked up her purse and unzipped the bag.

"It's alright, go ahead," Luke motioned towards the door with a smile.

"Are you sure?" Lorelai asked as she stood up and hoisted her purse on her shoulder, "'Cause I can just call her and tell her--"

Lorelai stopped mid-sentence when she heard the sound of a bell ring. Both Luke and she turned to see Jess walk in, an odd look gracing his features. He looked from Luke to Lorelai before making his way towards the curtain and up the stairs.

"Go," Luke smiled at Lorelai, "I'm going to go try to get Jess to talk to me."

Lorelai nodded and made her way to the door, Luke following shortly behind. "I'll see you tomorrow." Luke opened the door for her, and she walked out.

"See you," He ended and watched her walk off. He shut the door and flicked the lock. Music suddenly started blasting from above him, the loud sounds of 80's punk ringing from up the stairs. Luke made his way over to the curtain and turned to face the diner. He suddenly heard a loud crash from above him, causing him to jump. Quickly flipping off the lights, he rushed up the stairs

He entered to find the apartment torn apart. There were CD's, shirts, and books scattered everywhere. Luke's dresser was torn apart, drawers, and articles of clothing scattered all over his bed and the floor. Luke heard a loud bang and turned to see Jess rip out a drawer from his dresser. The boy was in a sort of blind rage, tearing apart everything he could get. Luke hastily made his way over to his nephew and grabbed his wrists.

"Jess, stop it!" Luke yelled, tightening his grip on the resistant boy's wrists. Jess tried to fight the man's grip, pulling away from his uncle with force, but Luke keep his hold.

Luke didn't understand how he felt. He was so _confused_. He didn't know what to think or feel anymore. He wanted to hate his mother for all the things she did to him, but he felt he should still love her. God, why did she have to do this? Did she even think about him for one minute before taking all those drugs? Did she even care that whenever she shot up, she was taking a chance with her life? Her decision affected him, but he doubted she ever thought about that.

"Jess, calm down!" Luke pulled the kid close to his chest. Jess finally stopped fighting and came back to his senses. He was suddenly just too tired to fight his uncle off anymore. His legs abruptly went weak, and he fell to his knees, bringing Luke down with him. Luke released his grip on the boy's wrist and studied his nephew. He was panting heavily, and his head was down staring at the floor.

"Jess," Luke watched as Jess covered his face with his hands and gripped fistfuls of his hair.

"I hate her, Luke," he heard a soft cry from his nephew, "I hate her for doing this to me." Luke watched his nephew rubbed his eyes, "But I can't help but love her still." It pulled at his heart strings to see his nephew like this. The boy was falling apart right in front of him. He pulled his nephew into a hug and held him tight. He rubbed the back of the kid's head with his thumb. Jess shut his tired eyes and let his head sink into his uncle's sturdy chest.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading!

I'll try and get the next chapter up sooner, only nine more days left of school!

In the meantime, please, please, please, review! I appreciate every one of them!

:)


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thank you all so much for the reviews last chapter. I always appreciate every single one!

Well, enjoy the next chapter!

* * *

Luke let himself sleep in that morning. It was a pleasantry he hadn't granted himself in ages, and it felt good to hit the snooze button on his alarm. When he got up, his eyes wandered to his nephew's bed. The boy was sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling steadily. After Jess' violent mood swing, the boy had went straight to sleep. Luke stood up and stretched. He heard the creak of a mattress and turned his attention back to his nephew. The boy had turned to lay on his stomach, his left hand now hanging limply off the bed. Luke smiled and looked towards the clock. God, he thought, he couldn't believe he had slept in till eleven. He felt as if he had wasted practically half a day. He should have been working hours ago, but he had decided to take off. Lorelai was right, he needed a break.

Luke decided to go ahead and make breakfast. Jess would wake up soon; the kid had been sleeping for almost twelve hours straight. Luke pulled out different ingredients and placed them on the counter. He decided he'd make some of his pancakes; Lorelai always said those were the best. He began to combine the ingredients into a bowl, stirring each essential item in with care. Once the batter was complete, he poured small spoonfuls onto the heated pan and watched them cook. He heard the familiar small creak of springs and turned to his nephew's bed. Jess was awake. The kid pushed his body slightly up with his hands and looked around with his tired eyes.

"You cleaned up," he simply stated, his tone dry and dull.

"Yeah," Luke nodded and glanced around the room, "After you went to bed, I got everything fixed up."

Jess didn't say another word. He just fell back down on his bed. He wrapped himself up with his blankets and grunted.

Luke scooped the cooked pancake from the pan and placed it on a plate before placing the turner on the counter and heading over to Jess. The boy rested on his side now, his back facing his uncle.

"I'm making pancakes," Luke informed the boy. Jess didn't make noise. Luke watched as Jess took a long breath. _Great,_ Luke thought, _Today I'm being greeted by a silent Jess._ The last time he had dealt with this was the day of the funeral. Jess barely spoke a word to him or anyone else that day. It had been almost torturous to deal with an almost zombified version of his nephew.

"Jess," Luke called again, laying a hand on his nephew. The boy darted from his touch. "Come on," the man begged. Jess turned to lay on his back and looked at his uncle.

Jess heaved a sigh and sat up, "Do you like to irritate me?"

"I live for it," Luke crossed his arms and nodded towards the kitchen, "Now, get in there and eat, mister."

Jess let out a reluctant sigh and slowly got out of bed. He gave his uncle a sardonic glare as he made his way to the table. "Glad you're here for me, Uncle Luke. What would I do without you?"

"Probably end up as the world's first human stick," Luke retorted as he followed the boy to the table. The kid plopped down in his chair and slid back. Luke made his way back to the stove. He flipped the pancake on the pan with a swift flick and turned to give his nephew a look. The boy was resting with his head on the table like the day before, eyes shut. His nephew was wearing his usual sleepwear: a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. The pants seemed to almost be falling off him, his waist too small for the large fabric. It was like Liz never fed the kid or something. He _was_ a stick.

The boy opened his right eye and peered over at him, "You're staring," He simply pointed out, slightly adjusting his position with a shrug of his stiff shoulders. Luke quickly turned his attention back over to the pancakes and flipped it onto a nearby plate.

Jess watched the man with one eye, studying his swift, almost nervous movements. Luke had no clue how to handle things now. Liz was gone, and now he had to deal with her leftover trash: the kid with the serious emotional problem because he had to find his dead mother lying in the middle of their apartment. The boy felt bad for putting Luke through all this crap. The man didn't deserve it. Liz should be the one taking care of him. But no, she can't because she decided to die on them. He was so angry at her for doing this, for leaving both he and Luke like this. She had no right to be so selfish. But then he felt like he couldn't hate her; she was his mother. A part of him felt that unconditional love crap and he wished that part would disappear. It was really irritating him. He wanted to hate her so bad, but he couldn't help but love her.

Luke turned around with a plate in hands and Jess reluctantly sat up, giving the man room to place the plate on the table. Luke slid the plate on the table and pointed a stern finger at his nephew, "Eat everything."

The kid rolled his eyes and picked up a fork, "Yes, sir!" He gave the man a mock salute, fork in hand, and smirked as his uncle turned around and mumbled something to himself.

Luke went back to flipping pancakes while Jess slowly ate his meal. He wasn't that hungry at the moment, but he wanted to please his uncle. The man didn't need any more stress because of him. He was already burdening the man as it was.

Jess' eyes darted to the clock, catching the time. The green digital clock read 11:32. He couldn't believe it; he had slept for almost fourteen hours. Even with that long rest, he still felt exhausted. He groaned inwardly and squeezed his eyes shut tight. They quickly snapped back open though, a sudden thought emerging in the boy's mind.

His eyes traveled to his uncle as he let his fork slightly drop on the table with a small clank. "Shouldn't you be working?" he questioned. The boy noted that Luke was still in his pajamas and was lacking his usual baseball cap.

Luke turned his head towards the boy while he flipped another pancake and placed it on a plate. "I took off today," his head turned back to the pan as he placed the turner down on the counter and turned off the burner, "I thought I should take some personal time."

Jess stifled back a laugh. Luke sat down next to his nephew and placed a plate of pancakes down in front of him. "You never take off," Jess picked up his fork and stabbed at the pancake, "Not even when you're sick. You're like a workaholic."

"I am not!" Luke protested, pointing his fork and sending a glare towards his jibing nephew. Jess gave him a satisfied grin as he took another stab at his stack of flapjacks.

"Yes," Jess retorted while taking a bite, "You are." His smug smile suddenly vanished from his face, the kid taking on a more serious look. "Luke," he started, letting his fork droop in his hand, "if you're doing this because of me--because of what happened last night--don't. I can take care of myself and believe or not, I'm better."

"I'm not taking some time off just because of you, Jess," Luke watched his nephew give him a hard glare, "I need a break." He wasn't completely lying to the kid. Yes, the real thing that convinced him to take some time off from working was the boy's violent mood swing, but it wasn't completely that. With all the things going on with the kid and Liz's death, Luke just needed some time to work things out. He'd only take off a few days and then get back to work.

Jess felt a tinge of guilt as he watched his uncle's worn form. The man rubbed at his temples forcefully, eyes shut. He'd been causing the man so much grief, and Luke didn't deserve it. He never deserved it. It seemed that either him or Liz were always causing problems for the man, and it wasn't fair. "I'm sorry," Jess blurted out, his voice soft and eyes low. Luke's eyes opened wide and his hands fell to his lap.

"What?" Luke was confused. He didn't understand why the kid was apologizing.

"If I had gotten back to the apartment sooner Liz wouldn't be dead," Jess kept his eyes focused on the ground, hanging his head in shame, "If she was still alive, I wouldn't be your problem, and everything would be fine."

"No," Luke shook his head, "Don't you say that Jess." The diner owner was almost enraged by the boy's sudden apology. The kid wasn't a problem, and Liz's death was not his fault, "Don't you blame yourself. There was nothing you could do, alright?"

The boy didn't respond. He just sunk lower in his chair and gave a quick glance towards the man.

"Jess," Luke reached out and placed two firm hands on the boy's shoulders. His nephew met his gaze, "Don't you blame yourself, you got me? It wasn't your fault, and you are no problem."

Luke was wrong. There was so much he could have done to save his mother. If he had gotten home earlier, called 911 right away, he could have saved her. If he hadn't of gotten so _scared_, he could have saved her. But no, instead he freaked out and ended up with Acute Stress Disorder and a dead mother.

Jess nodded his head in agreement, not wanting to fight with the man anymore. He needed someone to blame, and he was the right person for it. Even if Luke didn't believe it, Jess did.

Luke sat with his hands rested against this nephew's shoulders for a moment. He wasn't sure if Jess was truly agreeing with him or was just complying to what he thought the man wanted.

"Luke," Jess spoke as he pushed the man's hands off of his shoulder gently and motioned toward the three pill bottles, "I need my medications."

Luke snapped back to life and pushed his chair back, "Oh yeah," he rushed his way over to the three bottles and grabbed one up at random. He struggled with the cap for moment before finally twisting it off. Jess was next to him in a second, his hand swiping the open pill bottle from his uncle's hand.

"You know, I'm fully capable of twisting off a lid," he told his uncle while pouring out a capsule into his hands. He swallowed it dry and handed the bottle back to Luke. "I hate all this medication," Jess commented, his hand twisting off the cap of another bottle, "I feel like I'm one of those mental patients," he suddenly laughed and gazed over at Luke, "Hell, I am one of those mental patients. I mean, after what happened last night..."

"Jess, you're not crazy," Luke sternly informed the boy, "You're completely normal." He watched as the kid swallowed another pill and went for the last bottle.

Jess snorted and opened the last bottle, "_Normal_ people don't tear apart apartments in a blind rage," Jess stated as he popped the final pill in his mouth. He glanced over at his uncle and cursed to himself. Luke was giving him that worried glance again. Time for a smile and some sarcasm. "Looks like I finally fit in with those mental patients that make up this town," he gave his uncle a wide, fake smirk and placed the lid back on the final bottle

* * *

After both Jess and Luke got dressed, the two took to lounging around the apartment. Jess sat on one end of the couch, a book in his hand with his legs curled up to his chest while Luke sat on the other. The TV was on, an old rerun flickering on the screen, pretending to attract Luke's attention. The man couldn't concentrate on the show though, his mind forcing itself to wander off to his nephew and occasionally his sister. His eyes traveled to Jess, the boy completely absorbed in his book. The kid's hand gently slid down to his pocket and fingered the pack of cigarettes that were being kept in it.

"Jess," Luke called, causing the boy to look up from his book, his fingers still laying on his jean pocket, "How about we do something?"

"I am doing something," Jess pointed out, shaking his open book lightly in the air for emphasize.

"I was thinking we could do something _together_," Luke told the boy. The kid chuckled and turned his gaze back to his book. After a long pause and no response from his nephew, Luke pressed the issue, "I'm being serious Jess," he added.

The kid sighed and shut his book. He looked over to his uncle and shrugged, "I'm not too good at the whole bonding thing," he explained, "Liz and I never really did that stuff." He adjusted his position and sat crisscross on the couch, his book lying in his lap.

"I'm not too good at it either," Luke informed the boy, "But we could at least give it a shot." Luke was never really one for bonding or those warm and fuzzy family moments that most others lived for, but the night before, while Jess was sleeping soundly in his bed, he had an epiphany: Jess was the only family he had left. The two were practically alone in the world. Jess' father, the scum that he was, had disappeared shortly after the kid was born, and the boy was practically an orphan. He hated calling his nephew that; the boy had him, and Luke would take care of him no matter what. He wanted to form some sort of relationship with his nephew. The kid needed some sort of family and Luke did as well.

Jess reluctantly nodded and let out a sigh. "I guess," he shrugged and played with the book in his hands. After he was done fiddling with the paperback, he let the book drop in his lap and looked up towards his uncle, "What do you want to do?"

"Uh...I don't know," the stocky man ran a hand over his face and pressed at his temples with his palms. He let out an exasperated sigh and clapped his hands onto his thighs, "You decide."

Jess snorted and shook his head firmly, "No," he wore an amused grin, "You wanted to do something, so you get to decide." He crossed his arms and gave the man an impatient look. This was quite entertaining for the boy, and he was going to get the best out of the situation.

"Umm..." Luke suddenly perked up as he was hit with an idea, "We could go to Hartford!"

"Hartford?" Jess gave the man a bemused look, "You hate the city, and if I remember correctly, Hartford_ is_ a city." Of course, Jess wouldn't mind going to the city and escaping the confinements of the small town. Everyone knew his business here, and the city had a sense of anonymity to it. He could feel almost normal there. No pitiful glances, no whispered condolences; it was the perfect place for him. Luke, on the other hand, absolutely despised the city. The man just didn't fit in there. His clothing was a big factor; no man in the city dresses up as a lumberjack except authentic lumberjacks. The city environment wasn't as comfortable to Luke as it was to Jess. The chaos and non-stop pace was something Jess thrived on, but the boy had grown up the city unlike Luke.

"Well, they have book stores and CD stores down there, right?" Luke waited for his nephew's nod of approval before continuing, "You'd like that."

"And what will you do down there? I hate to break it to you, Uncle Luke, but I don't think there are any Bass Pro shops up there." The kid couldn't resist the chance to jibe his uncle.

"I think I'll suffice," Luke rolled his eyes and stood up, "Now," he made his way over to the door and grabbed the keys to his truck and his green coat, "Get your coat and meet me at the truck," he told his nephew as he twisted the handle to the door and pulled it open. He paused, "And I'm serious about that coat Jess, it's still pretty chilly out!" Jess heard his uncle's loud, steady footsteps pound down the stairs as he stood up.

He rolled his eyes and stood up. He stuffed his book in his pocket and made his way to the door, "Yes, Uncle Luke," he called, grabbing his coat from off the rack and slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading!

I'll try and get the next chapter up faster, and thankfully school won't get in the way of it anymore.

Please, please, please review!!

:)


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual!**

Thank you all so much for the reviews for last chapter, I appreciate every single one of them!

* * *

Luke gripped the steering wheel as his eyes kept straight ahead. Day had soon turned to night, and the two Danes had ended up staying in Hartford pretty late. Even though Jess was exhausted, the thought of going back to the small town wasn't appealing to him. He wanted to stay in the city for as long as possible, even if his body didn't want to permit it. He had dragged his uncle all across town, scouting out the various record and book stores. The boy felt a sense of belonging in the city. The noisy and almost chaotic environment made him forgot about Liz and his problems and allowed him to just be. For the first time in what felt like ages, he actually felt _normal_. He blended right in with the natives, turning into just another random face on the street. He liked the anonymity and made it last as long as he could.

Luke, on the other hand, didn't fit in at all. With his flannel attire and baseball cap, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Luke never felt comfortable in the crowded city. It was always so noisy and polluted. The chaotic and non-stop environment was something that the man was not used to. He fit in perfect in a small town; everything felt comfortable there for him. The city was no place for a small town diner owner; he had learned that years ago. Each time he went to visit Liz and Jess up in New York, he always felt like an alien. The city was just not for people like him.

Luke's eyes travelled to the passenger seat where his nephew sat. The boy was sleeping soundly, his body slumped in the chair, head drooping to the right. It looked like such an uncomfortable position, but Luke didn't want to disturb the kid. He focused his eyes back on the road and merged into the right lane.

It was at times like these he let his mind wander to Liz. There was no Jess to distract him or chaos to fix. The car was silent, except for the low hum of David Bowie from the radio. It was Suffragette City, Jess' choice of course. The boy had inherited his music taste from both his mother and his father. The two had shared similar interests--the parents, that is. Luke remembered the time Liz had snuck out of the house and hitchhiked to Hartford with her friends to see David Bowie. She was around seventeen then, and that would be the night that she would meet that _prize _of father, Jimmy. His sister had returned from that concert with a feeling of love--more like lust, in Luke's opinion--for the man. She had announced to him, like she would many times afterwords, _"He's the _one, _Luke."_ Luke remembered all the times she would drive up to the city to be with Jimmy. Luke, of course, thought of it as nothing more than a teenage relationship, and when he heard the news that his sister was pregnant two month after the concert, he was completely blown away. He couldn't believe it. At first, Liz was hesitant. She debated getting an abortion, but in the end decided to keep the child, to keep Jess. Luke was thankful for that decision now; the seventeen year old boy sitting next to him now wouldn't even exist, and he would have never gotten to know him. That was one good decision that Liz made: pushing aside her teenage selfishness and having that boy was one of the best things she ever had done.

Luke's eyes once again wandered to the sleeping form slouched in the seat next to him. He smiled and rubbed at his eyes. He had suddenly felt the sting of tears falling from his eyes. He hadn't cried since the funeral, but thinking about all of that was heartbreaking to man. Liz wasn't alive anymore and all that was left of her was that one good decision that she almost didn't make. The drugs killed her, whatever drugs they were. He wasn't even aware that Liz did anything _that _strong. Yes, he suspected his sister did marijuana, but he didn't know she did anything fatal. He thought she would have gotten over that stage of her life years ago. Suddenly, a question struck him: when _did_ his sister start doing drugs? He thought she didn't do anything hardcore when she was a teenager; he never suspected she would do anything like coke or meth back then.

He glanced over at Jess. Did he know? Had she been doing them when he was just a small child or worse yet, when she was pregnant with him? Luke felt the need to ask the question, but he didn't want to bring up any bad memories for the boy. Jess had been dealing with enough as it was.

Luke pulled up to the curb in front of the diner and put the car in park. He turned off the engine with the flick of his wrist and let out sigh. He rubbed at his eyes hastily to get rid of any sign of the tears and turned to wake his sleeping nephew.

Luke placed a gentle arm on the boy's shoulder and nudged him gently, "Jess," he called, shaking him softly again, "Jess?"

The kid stirred and lifted up his drooping head. His hands went up to rub his sleepy eyes, the heels of his palms massaging the eyelids. He let his hands drop to his lap and looked up towards his uncle. He was greeted with a small smile--maybe forced on Luke's part, but a comforting sight for the kid to see. His dream hadn't been so nice, and Luke had thankfully woken him before he had to in a sweaty, shaking mess.

"Get a good nap?" Luke questioned, the smile still gracing his lips.

Jess refrained from snorting and rubbed at his stiff, aching neck. He shrugged his shoulders and gripped the door handle, "It wasn't bad." He pulled the handle and pushed the door open, a slight creak escaping from the hinges. Luke did the same and stepped out of the car and into the cold night. Jess was steps ahead of his uncle, his hand already gripping the handle of the diner door. He jiggled the lock a few times before realizing that the door was locked.

"Luke," he called, turning his head back towards the man who was making his way to the door much too slow for the worn boy's liking, "Hurry up and unlock the door."

Luke rolled his eyes as he stepped up to his nephew and pushed the boy aside, "Don't you have a key?" Luke asked as he slid the key into the lock.

"Yeah," Jess leaned against the wall and shut his eyes, "But I think it's still in New York." Thoughts of Liz's cold, dead body flashed through the boy's mind at the thought of the big city, causing the kid's eyes to spring back open. _Damn her,_ he thought. She just wouldn't leave him alone.

"Oh," Luke turned the knob and opened the door, "I'll get you a new one then."

"Yeah," Jess quickly brushed passed him and made his way to the stairs. He was exhausted and just wanted to plop down on his bed. He didn't know about sleep though; the thought of seeing Liz like that again wasn't pleasant. He hated her for haunting him like this. This visions made it harder for him to act like everything was fine again. Even in death, his mother seemed to be able to cause him pain.

As he reached the apartment door, he grasped the handle and pushed it open. He didn't bother to turn on the lights and made his way quickly over to his bed. He kicked off his jeans and collapsed onto his mattress. He didn't care to change into his pajamas; he had been exhausted all day, and he pushed that trip to its limits which was a big mistake for his worn body. He did crave to be back there though. It's not that he didn't like living with Luke--he actually liked it a lot better than when he was living with Liz--it was just that this small town really irked him. Everyone knew everyone's business and seemed to think that they had some sort of right to know it. The city was different. There was much more anonymity there, and Jess felt like he'd get over this whole ordeal faster if he was somewhere where a whole town wasn't watching him like he was part of some big soap opera.

He heard the heavy steps of his uncle enter the apartment. The sound of the light switch flicking up and the bright glow of the lights caused him to shut his eyes tighter.

Luke suddenly noticed his nephew's curled up form and flicked the lights back off. He knew the kid was beat and so was he. He could manage stumbling around the apartment in darkness if it meant his nephew could get to sleep faster. He watched as Jess adjusted his position on his bed, turning to lay on his stomach. Luke began to make his way through the dark room, trying to make it to his side of the room without any collisions. It brought back memories of his youth. The nights where he would quietly sneak his way into his father's old house, almost tip-toeing, trying to make sure he wouldn't wake up his old man. His youth was filled with somewhat deviant moments like that. Nothing as severe as what his sister did but deviant none the less. Liz topped the cake though, especially when she announced she was pregnant. Everything bad that he and Liz had ever done quickly seemed miniscule compared to it.

Luke sat down on his bed and rubbed his eyes. God, he really missed Liz. Even though he was used to barely hearing from her, knowing that she would never call to chat or even ask for money tore at Luke's heart. Luke felt tears stinging at his eyes once again. _Shit, _he cursed. He needed to be strong for Jess. The boy was practically falling apart right in front of him. There was no time for him to wish or cry about it. Nothing he could do would bring Liz back. He needed to focus on the baggage his sister left behind; he needed to fix his nephew. He wouldn't fail that boy. He couldn't.

* * *

Jess woke up with a start, eyes wide and fear-stricken. He gasped for air and quickly scanned the room, taking in his surroundings. The dark apartment was lit by only the early morning moon, its white glow shining through the windows. He ran a shaky hand over his face and rubbed vigorously at his eyes. He couldn't get Liz to go away. Flashes of her lifeless body lying on the apartment floor plagued him. He was shaking madly now, his body uncontrollably trembling. God, he needed a smoke.

The boy quickly kicked his covers off and got out of bed. He made his way over to his pile of possessions and began digging through, throwing shirts and jeans across the room. He was trying to remember where he put his pack, but for the life of him, he couldn't. They had to be in this pile though, they just _had_ to be.

"Shit!" he cursed, his voice barely a whisper. He heard his uncle suddenly stir, causing the boy's brown eyes to quickly fall on his guardian's sleeping form. He didn't want to wake Luke up. If the man did, Jess knew Luke would want to have one of those awkward conversations, the ones where Luke tried to be the parent and comfort him but always failed miserably. Luke and parenting didn't mix too well, and besides, _he_ shouldn't be the man's problem, he should be Liz's.

Once the boy was sure his uncle was still asleep, he continued his search. The thought suddenly struck him as he dug through a pair of his jeans with a shaky hand that maybe Luke had stolen his pack. He wouldn't consider that something Luke wouldn't do. His uncle had been trying to enforce the no smoking rule for quite some time. Damn him, right now was definitely _not _the best time to decide to enforce it.

He dropped the pair of pants he was holding and scanned the room. Where would the lumberjack hide his pack? Perhaps some place obvious--Luke was crappy at hiding things. The last time he attempted to hide his cigarettes Jess had found them in the man's sock drawer. Like he wasn't going to _ever _look there. He rolled his eyes and stood up, turning his attention to his sleeping uncle. He was seriously contemplating waking the man up with a start, demanding to know where his cigarettes were, but quickly thought otherwise. He could find them himself, he thought. _They're probably in the sock drawer again anyway._

He took quiet steps towards his uncle's dresser, making sure not to wake the man. He had mastered the art of sneaking. The many times Liz and one of her boyfriends were drugged on whatever it was they had decided to do that night, he had had to keep as quiet as possible when coming home. One loud footstep or stumble and Liz would waddle in, yell at him, smack him, and send him to bed.

To his surprise, he lost his footing, tripping on one of his books that he had scattered around the apartment. He fell with a bang, his hands breaking his fall.

Luke shot up, his eyes wide, scanning the room. His eyes fell on his downed nephew, the boy looking over at him with an annoyed glare. The scene was wild. Scattered clothes and books were thrown around the room--all Jess' of course--and his nephew, who should be in bed, was sitting on the floor beside his bed.

Luke's eyes travelled to the clock beside his bed, "Jess!" Luke screamed, his voice hushed, "What the _hell_ are you doing up at two in the morning?!"

"Thought I'd get myself organized," he sardonically replied, pointing his thumb towards the mess he had made, "You've been complaining about how messy I've been ever since I got here, so I thought, why not get an early start?"

Luke sighed and rubbed at his eyes, "It's way too early for sarcasm," Luke told the boy, irritated, "Just whatever you were doing, forget about it and go back to bed. You need to sleep."

"No," Jess stumbled up from the ground and pointed an accusing finger at his uncle, "_You _stole my cigarettes, I want them back."

"What...?" Luke ran a hand through his hair. It was way too early for this. He was tired, and Jess decided that now was a great time for a fight? "Jess, I didn't steal your cigarettes. You must have lost them--which isn't a bad thing if you ask me. I think you need to rid yourself of that bad habit."

"That's exactly why you stole them!" Jess made his way quickly over to his uncle's dresser and pulled open a drawer, "You better tell me where they are, Luke," Jess dug through the drawer, throwing socks on the ground as he made his way to the bottom, "Or I swear Luke...I'll..." he shut the drawer fruitlessly, "I need them, I just need them."

"Jess," Luke studied his nephew from afar and noted the visible shaking that seemed to plague the kid's body. He then realized why Jess was up so early trying to find a cigarette. Luke sat up and let his feet touch the cold wooden floor, "You had another nightmare, didn't you?"

Jess turned and gave the man a hard glare, "It's none of your business," he growled, "Now, give me my cigarettes," Jess was beginning to panic. He didn't want to have any conversation about his nightmares or Liz with Luke. He just wanted to be left alone. It was like it was rocket science--no one understood that. "Stop being an ass and just...Luke, _please_, just hand them over," his voice almost sounded like he was pleading.

Luke stood up and walked over to the coat rack. He hadn't taken the boy's pack, but he had an idea where the kid had left it. He spotted his nephew's coat and dug through the left pocket. His hand grasped a solid pack, and he pulled it out of the boy's pocket.

Jess watched as his uncle made his way back over, shaking the missing pack of Marlboro Reds in his hand. He threw the pack to his bemused nephew and sat back down on his bed. Jess stared at the pack for a moment, startled.

"You hid my cigarettes in my coat pocket?" He looked up incredulously from the pack to his uncle then back down to the pack.

"No, you left them there," Luke told the boy, "Before we left the city, you stuffed them in your coat pocket." His nephew was fiddling with the box, opening it and pulling out a cigarette. "You really should give those things a break," the man added, receiving an almost deadly glare from his nephew. "Don't give me that look," he continued, "You know that stuff is crap."

"You're not dealing with the shit I'm dealing with," Jess placed the cigarette between his lips and walked towards the coat rack. He dug through his coat pocket and pulled out his lighter. Luke watched with his head turned as his nephew unlocked the door and swung it open.

"Jess!" Luke stood up and turned around completely, "Where are you going?"

"...Outside?" He held up his lighter and took his cigarette out of his mouth, "You don't want me to smoke in here anymore, do you?"

Luke looked his nephew up and down and shook his head, "In your boxers, Jess?"

The boy's head snapped down. He didn't even realize he was just in his underwear. He shrugged and looked back up at his uncle. "It's not like anyone's out there this late. This town seems to shut down at ten. Apparently, that's everyone's bedtime around here."

Jess turned and headed out into the hallway. "You should at least put a sweatshirt on," Luke called to the boy. He was simply ignored, and Jess made his way down the stairs and into the night.

* * *

Well, there you have it. Chapter Seven. Sorry if it was a bit slow, I felt the need to put some Luke grief in there.

I'll try and get the next chapter up sooner, but I can't promise anything. I've been doing so much already this summer.

In the meantime, please review! I appericate every one and I love to hear what you guys think!

:)


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter, I appreciate them all so much!

* * *

Luke was flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch on television. The diner owner had yet to realize television "these days" consisted of mostly crap shows and reality contests. Tired of flipping through channels, he settled on an old rerun, hoping that at least the old show would keep him occupied. Jess sat next to him, tapping his foot nervously on the ground. The boy was anxious, and it was irritating Luke to no end.

"I ran out of cigarettes," the boy told him for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. The kid had smoked his last stick earlier that morning, and ever since that last smoke he'd been craving more.

"Well, that's a shame, Jess," Luke sympathized, trying to keep his temper in check. He didn't want to lash out at the kid, even if the boy's nagging was putting him on edge. He focused on the screen in front of him, keeping his attention on the black and white rerun playing.

"Go buy me a pack," the boy insisted, his eyes darting quickly over to the man, waiting for a simple 'yes.'

"We already went over this, Jess," the man kept an authoritative tone, "I'm not going to buy you a pack. I refuse to be an enabler." His nephew rolled his eyes at the term and sunk into his seat. "You need to quit those things anyway," Luke continued, "They'll kill you. You know how--"

"Fine, Luke!" the boy shouted, standing up and raising his hands, "I get it! I don't need a lecture! You're not going to buy me them, fine," he stormed over to his dresser and grabbed his wallet, "Then I'll just go get them myself."

Luke snorted and crossed his arms, a smirk on his face, "Good luck with that, Jess," the man adjusted his position on the couch and turned his head towards his nephew, "No one in this town is going to sell you a pack of cigarettes; they all know you're underage."

Jess threw the door open with force and mumbled, "We'll see about that..."

He stormed his way down the stairs and pushed back the curtain to reveal the empty diner. It was odd, seeing the diner this empty in broad daylight. Jess was used to emerging from the upstairs apartment to find the place packed, Luke hastily making his way around the room, a coffee mug in one hand, order pad in the other.

Jess made his way across the room, sliding pass tables to reach the exit. He flipped open the deadbolt and swiftly opened the door, sliding out and shutting it behind him. The bright sun caused him to squint, the light practically blinding him. Once his eyes were better adjusted, he took a quick look around, spotting the familiar scenes that went on daily between the townsfolk. Taylor yelling at some young kid, scolding the child for doing some odd "deviant" act; Miss Patty teaching her Spring Aerobics class outside in the town square, leading a group of old woman through dance-like exercises. The teenagers sat in the school across the street, learning arithmetic and longing to be outside. He should be there right now, longing to escape that tortuous building with the rest of his peers. Luke told him he'd have to go back to school soon, something that wasn't too appealing to the boy. School and Jess didn't mix. He had better things to do with his time than sit in that prison.

The kid began his walk to the drug store, the only place in town that seemed to sell cigarettes. This town was too pure for cancer sticks, that was probably the reason Taylor didn't sell them at Doose's Market. It would really help if he did, the walk to the drug store was much longer, leaving room for Jess to be spotted by any of the town's nagging denizens. He knew it was probably inevitable, running into one of those nosy residents; they were soon to get a hold of him anyway.

Jess scanned his surroundings while he walked, trying to spot any threats before they reached him. He thought that maybe if he saw a nearing familiar face, filled with pity and concern, he could send them one of the most withering glares they had ever received, sending them quickly in the other direction.

It seemed he would have to save the glare for another time though because he thankfully made it to the drug store with no confrontations. He grasped the handle and pulled the door open, stepping into the small, cold store. His eyes traveled across the store, over shelves and shelves filled with assortments of junk food and medication. The cigarettes were lined up perfectly behind the counter by brand. Jess hastily made his way over, surprised to find Kirk standing behind the register, adorned in a brown vest.

Kirk quickly straightened up and spoke, "How can I help you, sir?"

Jess held back a snort, humored by the odd character's strict demeanor. Kirk always took his many jobs seriously, acting as if each specific field required some sort of method acting. Jess quickly grabbed a new Zippo and threw it down on the counter, "I'd like a pack of Marlboro Reds too." His eyes motioned up to the many packs, all lined up neatly and perfectly on a shelf.

"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you those," Kirk told the teenager, keeping his stern demeanor. He was standing up so straight and stiff that it looked almost as if he was a statue.

"And why not, Kirk?" Jess leaned in closer to the odd man, causing Kirk to tense up even more. He was trying to pressure the man into giving him the pack; he knew it would be somewhat of a challenge to get Kirk to give in. Once he was in the role of his job, it was hard to get him to break out of character.

"You're still a minor," he informed the boy, swallowing a large lump in his throat, "You have to be eight--"

"I'm well aware of the law, Kirk," he told the store clerk, sending him an almost blood curdling glare. He let out a sigh and pulled out his wallet, knowing that he'd get nowhere just sending the man deadly looks, "I'll pay you ten buck for the pack," he slammed the wad of dollars onto the counter.

Kirk shook his head, "You're not--"

"Alright," Jess was getting irritated now, "How about twenty?" the boy pulled out another wad of ones and scattered them on the counter.

"The law states--"

"Screw the law, Kirk!" Jess slammed his hands on the counter, causing Kirk to slightly jump, "You know what, if I don't get these cigarettes I won't be held accountable for the many other laws--"

"Kirk!" Jess turned his head to find Lorelai pushing past a line of customers. Jess hadn't even realized a line had formed, let alone that Lorelai Gilmore was part of it. She brushed pass a few startled customers and made her way to the counter, slamming down a bottle of Advil and a bag of Skittles, "I'd like to buy these," she pushed her items further onto the counter and grabbed the Zippo, "As well as this and a pack of Marlboro Reds." She knew Luke was going to kill her for buying the kid cigarettes, but she could tell the boy was about to lose it if he didn't get a stick, and she thought the safety of the town was more important than preventing the kid from smoking a few cigarettes. She would help Luke get the boy to quit his addiction some other time, but right now just wasn't good timing.

"But you don't smoke," Kirk's eyes traveled from Lorelai to Jess then back again, "You're going to give them to Jess."

"No I won't," she protested, trying to give the man a convincing look, "I smoke. I love to smoke. I light up all the time," she waved her hand with a smile, "It's my favorite pastime."

"Lorelai--"

"Kirk," Lorelai cut him off quickly, giving him a friendly smile, "Just get me my pack, or I'm going to call your manager in and tell him you're refusing to sell me something I can legally buy."

Kirk gasped, "You wouldn't!" He finally lost his stern composure and placed his hands on his hips. He looked nervous, almost frantic. His eyes darted from the packs of cigarettes back to Lorelai and then to the other customers that were growing increasingly impatient.

"Oh, I would," she crossed her arms and matched the man with a withering glare. It was almost as powerful as Jess'. The man quickly grabbed a pack from behind him and rang up her items.

"Have a good day, Miss," his voice cracked as he handed over the small bag to Lorelai. Jess stood next to the woman, a grin spread across his features. He nodded towards the man and followed Lorelai outside.

Jess looked at her eagerly as the exited the store, his eyes quickly traveling to the bag. Lorelai took that as a cue and quickly dug through the bag, pulling out Jess' cigarettes and his new lighter. The boy snatched them from her hands quickly and ripped off the plastic, "Thanks," he mumbled, pulling out a new lighter and smacking the bottom of his pack of cigarettes.

Lorelai watched as he pulled a thin stick out with a smooth motion of his hand and placed the cigarette between his lips. He flicked the thumbwheel of his lighter and placed the flame to the end. He took a slow drag as he began to walk, a little surprised to find Lorelai walking beside him.

"So..." she let the word drag for moment, thinking over the next line, making sure it wouldn't cause the kid to snap, "How are you?"

Jess glanced over at her as he pulled the cigarette from his lips, "Fine," he answered short and simply, letting his hand fall towards the ground and tapping the ash of the end of the butt with a gentle flick of his finger.

Lorelai nodded. She knew she'd probably get a monosyllable answer from the boy. She didn't expect any more from him though. She could tell he wasn't in the mood for chit chat, but she was going to push it on him anyway. Luke needed help with him, and talking was something she knew Jess wouldn't be doing with his uncle. She felt that maybe her maternal instincts were kicking in, but seeing the kid go through such a terrible tragedy made her want to reach out to him. She wanted to help Luke because he was her friend and she deeply cared about him, but she never thought she would care about his rebellious nephew this much. After that welcoming dinner at her house, she thought she'd never feel anything but distaste for the kid, but she was wrong.

"I saw you and Luke went somewhere yesterday," she told the boy. Jess looked over at her with a curious expression, a little bewildered that she knew they had gone out. "Not that I was watching the diner or anything," she added in defense with a short, nervous laugh, "I just noticed the truck was gone when I was heading to Doose's."

Jess nodded his head and took drag, eyes traveling towards the gazebo, spotting Taylor scolding the same little boy, "We went to Hartford, if you didn't know already," he told her, his lips curling into a smirk, "You know, since you seem to keep such a keen eye on Luke and me."

She ignored the boy's jibe, and instead, exclaimed her disbelief at the statement. "Hartford, really? But Luke hates the city."

"He did it for me," Jess spoke like it was an obvious fact, "He knows I'd been going stir crazy in this small town and decided to take me on a trip up there." He really appreciated the fact that his uncle had decided to take him up there, even though the lumberjack hated cities more than Taylor's nagging.

Lorelai watched as Jess brought the cigarette to his lips and let it dangle from his mouth. He let out a puff of smoke from his nostrils and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Lorelai walked alongside the boy quietly for a moment, thinking of the next topic she wanted to bring up. They were getting closer to the diner, and she still hadn't asked him about how he was dealing with the Acute Stress Disorder. She felt as if she may be getting nosy, but she promised Luke she'd help, and it would help her help Luke if she could just get some perspective on it all from the horse's mouth, "How are you doing with the Acute--"

"You want to keep your voice down?!" Jess cut in, the cigarette that had be hanging from his lips now grasped between two fingers, his voice a growl, "I don't need the whole town knowing my personal problems, they already know too much for my liking as it is!"

"Sorry," she quickly mumbled a sincere apology and cursed herself inwardly for bringing it up, especially in such a loud tone. The information should be hushed, she knew that, and for some reason she almost went about discussing it in the town square, where the many eavesdropping townsfolk loomed.

"Oh, Jess, honey!" the dramatic cry from behind Lorelai and the boy caused them to turn quickly on their heels. They were greeted by the scene of Miss Patty strolling her way over, a sad, compassionate look on her face. Jess' eyes quickly darted over to Lorelai, and before he knew what hit him, Miss Patty had enveloped him in a hug, "I'm _so _sorry about what happened, dear. It's such a tragedy." Jess struggled against her hold, trying to release himself from the grip of the portly woman.

Lorelai couldn't help but find the scene somewhat comical. Watching Jess struggle against the strong grip of Miss Patty in the middle of town square was quite entertaining. She quickly decided it would be best if she helped the boy free himself, Miss Patty was practically squeezing the life out of him, "Patty," Lorelai cut in, placing a hand on the woman's shoulder, "You might want to let Jess go, you're suffocating the kid."

"Oh," she released her grasp on the boy, and Jess quickly backed away, hitting the woman with a hard glare. He thought he had been in the clear, no one spoke to him on the way to the drug store, but no, it wasn't likely he could escape the grasp of the townsfolk, was it? Miss Patty studied the boy with a sad look, "Aww, this is just so terrible, honey." Jess took a swift step back, preparing himself in case the portly woman tried to hug him again.

"Don't _touch _me," he warned, eyes narrow.

Lorelai put on a smile and looked towards the dance teacher, "Patty, Jess has got to get to the diner. Luke--"

"Aww," she wore a pitiful expression on her face as her eyes traveled back to a defensive Jess, "Poor Luke. Tell him I send my condolences...this is just so tragic, you losing your mother in such a _terrible _way."

"Patty," Lorelai called, making sure the woman couldn't continue her rant. Lorelai could tell this wasn't something Jess wanted to deal with right now, and the boy seemed uneasy at the subject of his mother, "Jess _really _has to go," she continued, motioning her hands towards the diner.

"Yes, yes," she nodded her head, still wearing that miserable, pitiful expression on her face, "Go on, sweetie," she motioned with her hands as her eyes landed on Jess, "Go get back to your uncle."

Lorelai and Jess quickly turned away and headed towards the diner, Jess pulling out another cigarette from his pack and lighting it hastily. "This town is crazy," he insisted, inhaling and exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Lorelai wore a small smile and nodded, "Yes, but the craziness makes it interesting."

Jess rolled his eyes at the statement and shook his head, "No, it makes it unbearable to live in." His eyes spotted the empty diner nearing them where Luke sat upstairs, probably watching that dumb old rerun, a beer in hand. It felt somewhat similar to what it was like New York for a brief second, but instead of finding a somewhat sober uncle, he would find a passed out, drugged up mother, a needle and a bottle of whiskey lying next to her unconscious form. The boy quickly shook the thought out of his head and took a swift, frantic, drag.

"Jess," Lorelai started, the teenager let his gaze travel to her, "I know you're not one for talking and all, but if you ever need to talk about anything, you know you can go to Luke or Rory...or even me," Jess' eyes widened at the last three words, a little surprised to be hearing such compassion from a woman who hated him months ago. "We're all here you Jess," she let out a small laugh and smiled, "The _whole _town is here for you."

Jess just continued walking, making sure to keep his mouth shut. He had a feeling if he let himself speak he would snap at her. He didn't want this crap. The whole pity thing, the _I'm-here-for-you-even-though-I-wanted-to-kill-you-not-that-long-ago _was all crap. He didn't need their help, and he didn't have anything to talk about. He was fine, everything was going to be fine. He was going to go back to school the next day, Luke would open up the diner again, he would work the shift after school...everything would be like it used to be. Everything would be_ normal_.

They made their way to the door of the diner and Jess grasped the handle, "See you," he dropped his cigarette on the sidewalk, stomped it out with the bottom of his shoe, and quickly opened the door. He swiftly slid inside and flicked the lock behind him.

Lorelai watched as the boy made his way through the empty diner and disappeared behind the curtain. So that didn't go as well as she planned, but at least she got the offer out. She hoped that if the kid really did want to talk about it--which she thought he should--he would go to either Luke or Rory or her. She could only hope though. If there was one thing she learned about that kid, it was that he was as stubborn as mule. There was no way he'd talk about his emotions, a trait that both the Danes men seemed to inherent.

Lorelai sighed, turned her back towards the diner, and began her short journey back home. She extended the offer, she mused again, the rest was on him.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.

The next update won't be for a while though, I'm thinking like three or four weeks. Sorry! I'm going to a pre-college portfolio development program for two weeks and then after that I think I'm going to the beach.

After that I'll get a chapter up as soon as possible, I promise!

In the meantime, please please please review! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual.**

Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate it so much!

* * *

Jess was running late. Luke was already down in the diner, but Jess' alarm decided to not go off that morning. He usually wouldn't be this worried about being late for school, but he was hoping to get out of the diner before the whole town was sitting down there, waiting for him. He buckled his jeans and quickly shrugged into a t-shirt, his eyes darting to the clock.

The door to the apartment suddenly opened, and Luke stepped into the threshold. He gave his nephew a smile as the boy walked over to his dresser and slapped his watch around his wrist, "Did you take your medication?"

"Yes, I took the damn pills." The mention of those stupid pills always irked him. It made it harder for him to feel like things were normal again. The dreams and flashbacks didn't help either. He'd been doing a good job of hiding his last flashback from Luke. The man had been out cold, and he had just kept as quiet as possible, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Honestly, he hadn't taken the pills today. He didn't want to deal with them anymore. If he was going to be normal again that would mean no Acute Stress Disorder and _especially_ no pills.

Luke looked hesitant for a moment as if he was pondering if what he wanted to say would cause some sort of riot from the boy. "Jess," he started, the kid looking over at him as he stuffed a book in his back pocket, "Are you sure you're ready to go back today? You can stay home another day--"

"I'm pretty sure I'm ready," the boy rushed his way over to the door, grasping the frame as he turned his head to give Luke one last look, "I'll see you later." He gave the man a sharp nod before releasing his grip on the frame and making his way quickly down the stairs.

Luke ran a hand through his hair and nodded, "Yeah," he stated before making his way out of the apartment. He didn't know why he was worrying so much. Normally, he would have been pleased that Jess was going to school willingly, but things weren't normal these day.

Jess quickly made his way down the stairs and pushed the curtain aside. His eyes landed on a lonesome blue-eyed girl. Rory sat in her school uniform, a cup of coffee grasped in her hands at a table near the diner door. Lorelai was noticeably absent from the usual morning scene. Jess maneuvered his way over to her table and swiftly slid into the seat in front of her. Rory smiled at him.

"Where's your other half?" Jess questioned, smirking. Rory motioned towards the window. Jess spotted the missing Gilmore outside, chatting on the phone as she paced around.

"You know Luke's rule about cell phones," she shrugged her shoulders, "He told her to get out once the phone was to her ear."

Jess nodded and let his eyes wander to the older Gilmore outside once again. His thoughts traveled back to the day before. He held back a scoff at the thought of her suggestion. He didn't need anyone to talk to, and even if he did, he _especially_ wouldn't open up to her. Talking about it would only force his mind to linger on Liz's death even longer, and that would definitely not help him at all. Lorelai's eyes suddenly met his, causing the boy to quickly look away, diverting his gaze towards the table.

"So," Rory started, her hands wrapped around the mug in front of her, "How's Ayn Rand treating you?"

Crap. He had completely forgotten about their agreement. He was supposed to be reading _The_ _Fountainhead_ right now, but instead, it was _The Great Gatsby _that rested in his back pocket. Jess hesitated for a moment before speaking up, "Well, I don't really own a copy of anything Ayn Rand has written, but I own a lot of Hemmingway and Bukowski."

Rory shook her head and smiled, "I figured you didn't own anything by her." She reached down to her backpack and unzipped it. Reaching inside, she began to dig around, her eyes widening as she felt the object she had been searching for. She pulled out a worn copy of a book and handed it over to him. "Here you go. You can borrow my copy." Jess examined the book, flipping from front to back cover then back again. He began to flip through the pages as Rory continued, "You can write in the margins if you want, dog ear the pages, just don't lose it. I want it back, of course."

Jess smiled and watched the pages flip in a blur as his fingers released each from its tips, "I don't think I'm going to want to keep _this._" A sheet of paper suddenly flung out of the book, causing Jess to shut the paperback and turn his attention to the parchment. He picked up the paper and noticed the ten digits sprawled out on the page.

"Oh," she noticed him staring at the sheet, "That's my cell phone number." Jess' eyes shot up to her at the statement. Her smile hadn't strayed, and her blue eyes shined, "In case you want to call me or anything, you know, for a little motivation to get through it." She paused for a moment before adding, "And, if you ever want to talk about anything, feel free to call me anytime. I'll drop what I'm doing, and we can, you know," she smiled shyly, "Converse."

"Huh," he nodded and stuffed the piece of paper into his back pocket. There it was again, that conversing nonsense. It's like these people couldn't get it through their thick skulls. He wasn't going to talk.

"Michel seems to be in quite the mood this morning," Lorelai mused, sliding down into the seat next to her daughter, grinning. "But that's just Michel for you." Her eyes quickly travelled to Jess, "Hey Jess," she greeted the boy with a friendly smile. He didn't return the gesture, "...finish that pack yet?" She was trying to make a quick jibe, with the hopes of getting the boy to give her some sort of reaction.

"Nope," his eyes travelled quickly to Rory, who just smiled warmly the way she always did. Apparently she knew about him and Lorelai's meeting at the drug store. It didn't surprise him though; those two were rather close. Jess pushed his chair back and stood up, "But I plan to finish it real soon."

The boy made his way to the door and grasped the handle "Jess," Rory called, causing the teenager to turn his head towards her. "I'm keeping my end of the deal," she informed her friend, holding up her copy of Hemminway's _The Sun Also Rises,_ "You have to keep yours."

Jess gave her a small smile and nodded, holding up the copy of _The Fountainhead, _"I'll start it during school."

Rory nodded in approval, and the boy quickly made his exit, beginning his somewhat short walk to Stars Hollow High.

* * *

There was nothing Jess hated more than school, especially gym class. Much to his displeasure, Coach Sanders had decided that the class should start their day out with laps. That man sure knew how to irk a kid. So now he was making his way around the track, the chilly spring air hitting him hard as he gasped for breath. The years of smoking and his recent chain smoking habit had left his lungs in terrible condition. He never remembered his lungs being this bad before, but he had managed to avoid doing laps. He'd usually just skip and read on the bridge for hours. The idea was tempting now, and he wished he had rethought actually _attending _school that day.

He was trying to do what Luke was doing; the man worked himself like crazy to keep his mind off of Liz, and the idea seemed decent to Jess. He had thought, _'Hey, maybe if I actually attended classes, tried to pay attention, and read a little, my mind wouldn't wander back to her.' _It wasn't as if the idea wasn't working. For his first three periods it had worked rather well, but in those three periods he hadn't been put through the torture of running laps.

When his body just would not let him continue, he ran off into the grass plopped down. He coughed and gasped for air, trying to catch his breath. That was it, he mused, he was not doing laps _ever _again.

"Jess, are you alright?"

Jess' eyes quickly snapped up and found Lane standing next to him, a foreign look of concern creasing her features. She was dressed in the gym uniform like him, a plain gray t-shirt that had _Stars Hollow Minutemen _printed on it, along with the mascot right below it. Jess wondered what her strict mom would think of the shorts she was wearing, they exposed much more leg than a Catholic school would approve of.

"Here," she held out a water bottle. Jess grabbed it from her hands quickly and gave her a nod as a thank you.

Lane watched as Jess chugged down the bottle. She had heard from the grapevine about Jess' loss. Well, _everyone_ heard about Jess and Luke's loss five minutes after the first phone calls were made to Lorelai and Caesar. Caesar had told the other employees, who blabbed it to some of the curious townsfolk, who then blabbed it to Miss Patty, who pretty much informed the rest of the town with a dramatic walk around town, going up to neighbors and into houses to tell all the terrible news she had heard. Lane had heard it from Babette, who had heard it from Bootsy, who had said he'd heard it from Kirk, who said he'd heard it from an overdramatic Miss Patty: the Stars Hollow grapevine, something that should sometimes be looked down upon.

Jess finished the whole bottle, practically inhaling every ounce of water that had been in her once-full bottle. Lane had never really talked to Jess before, other than the few shared words when he was taking her order at the diner or was talking with Rory who had always been somewhat interested in the rebel from the big city. Rory had instantly taken a liking to him, for his taste in music and books. Rory had gushed to Lane once about Jess' love for 80's punk, and that had instantly caught _her _interest. Though the boy was definitely after Rory (she could tell, of course) and was somewhat of a jerk when it came Dean, she still didn't think he was as terrible as some people in the town made him out to be. That type of talk had been hushed lately though and quickly replaced with condolences for his and Luke's tragic loss.

Lane sat down next to Jess, and the boy raised an eyebrow at her movement. She sat crisscross next to the slightly panting teenager and looked shyly towards the ground,

"So, I heard about what happened," she fumbled with the right words to say, "You know, your loss and all." She looked up towards Jess to find his gaze straight ahead, watching as their fellow students continued their laps around the track, expression completely blank.

"...I'm really sorry," she didn't really know what else to say. She knew there was probably nothing that she or anyone could say or do that would make things instantly better for him, or make what he was going through any easier. Regardless, she thought she had to at least try to reach out to him. It wasn't a secret that Jess had made quite a few enemies since his arrival and very few friends, and she felt she could reach out and be a friend. She didn't really have anything against him, and she even thought about talking with him before the accident, but she never really got up the guts to.

Jess was getting really sick of the constant apologies from the townsfolk. It wasn't like they did anything to make Liz OD or anything. He knew it was them just trying to be nice and all, but it didn't make it less annoying. He wasn't going to snap at Lane though. She was very close friends with Rory, and that would definitely get him on her and Rory's bad side. Besides, Jess decided, Lane herself seemed like a somewhat sane townsfolk, a rarity around here.

"Yeah," he simply nodded his head in response, his eyes never leaving the passing runners. His thoughts wandered back to his mother once again, something he'd been trying to block out for half the day. He remembered good memories from his youth: the days when she'd take him to the park, push him on the swings, and read him stories. Those were the days before she turned to all of those drugs and liquor to push out the painful memories of old flames. He liked to think of that mom, the one who'd play dinosaurs with him in the park and race toy cars with him, not the mom who laid passed out on the couch with different drunken lovers.

Jess quickly pushed the thought of his mother aside. He couldn't think of her. The longer he thought of her, the more he'd be stuck on it. He knew he'd never get over it if he didn't stop his mind from bringing her up. It was better to almost pretend like nothing happened, that the mother he loved as a child never existed. It hurt less that way.

"You like punk rock?" The question suddenly burst from his mouth, his mind trying to broach another topic that would make him forget about the other.

Lane looked up at him, a little surprised by the sudden inquiry, before curling her lips into a smile and nodding her head. The boy had been somewhat trapped in his thoughts for a brief minute before randomly blurting out the question. She had always wanted to discuss punk rock with a fan as crazy as she was about it, and Jess seemed like the perfect candidate.

Jess returned the gesture and gave her a smile, weak, but still a grin, and went on, "So, honestly, what was your opinion on The Dead Kennedys' last recorded album; Perfect, or not up to par?"

The two chatted about bands from the Clash to the Ramones, sitting on the sidelines for the rest of the gym class. To Jess' favor, his plan worked. Their long debates on records and the best punk bands of the 80's kept his mind far from his mother for the most part. At the mention of some bands, Liz popped up in the back of his mind, but he kept her there. As long as she was back there, he could hopefully move on with his life.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you liked the chapter.

I'll try and get next chapter up soon, some pretty dramatic stuff is coming up. During my stay at the art camp I went to, I got a rough outline of where I want the story to go scribbled down in my sketchbook. I'm about to start writing right now :)

Thanks again for reading, and please, please review! I truly appreciate every one!

:)


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I love to hear what you think about this story!

* * *

Luke wiped the counter clean with an old rag, his eyes traveling up to take in the diner's afternoon crowd. It was practically empty at times like these, most kids at school, most older denizens at work. There was the random customer here and there, Kirk among them. Though he did seem to always come in around the same time everyday asking for a turkey sandwich with no mayo or tomatoes or cheese, Kirk was a member the customers that walked in during the period of ten to two: the "_random_ customers." The strange resident did have some news to give him though, ranting on about Jess barging into his office, the convenience store, and demanding a pack of cigarettes. The word 'hoodlum' and 'frightened' were tossed around quite a lot, but Luke tended to zone out Kirk's odd ramblings after a while. The thing that did catch his ear though was the mention of Lorelai. Apparently, from what Kirk said, she had butted to the front of the line, demanding a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, along with some candy. It did explain how Jess had obtained his pack of cigarettes, and if it was true, Luke was going to be one pissed-off diner owner.

"Wow," the diner bell chimed in right along with the voice that caused Luke to look up from the counter. Lorelai walked in, her head turning slowly from left to right, taking in the empty diner, "I've never seen the place so empty," she paused, quickly remembering her walks by the deserted diner the past two days. "Well, when it's open, at least."

She made her way up to the counter and leaned her elbows against the cold surface. Luke stood in front her, arms crossed, "So I'm guessing you're still angry about the cell phone thing earlier today, or is it--"

"Kirk came by today," he started, "Started rambling on about Jess and cigarettes."

Lorelai knew where this was headed, but she couldn't help but make a quick joke. "Oh," she nodded, "And did he mention some sort of alcohol and James Dean pout, cause that would just make this story complete."

"No, actually, he mentioned something about you barging up in line and buying my underage nephew a pack of cigarettes and a new lighter," he paused and raised a finger, "Oh, and there was mention of a bottle of Advil and a pack of Skittles too."

"Okay, Luke, before you get all angry at me, let me just say that you picked the worst time to force that kid to quite his killer habit," she held her hands up in protest, telling him to wait before starting up his lecture. "Work on one problem at a time, Dr. Phil."

"Lorelai, _I'm_ the parent here," he pointed his finger stiffly at his chest, "I know what's best for _my_ kid, and if I feel that he shouldn't be smoking then he shouldn't," he rested his hands on the counter, "And I didn't exactly tell him he _had_ to quit, I just refused to buy him another pack."

"Okay, maybe it was wrong of me to buy him that pack, I'll give you that, but he looked like he was about to _kill_ Kirk," Lorelai informed him, defending her actions with her arms crossed. "I was saving you from housing a murderer."

Luke sighed and nodded, "A mass murderer: he looked like he was about to kill _me _when I said I wouldn't buy him a pack."

"He started school again, right?" Lorelai questioned, "Is he any better?"

"I guess," Luke shrugged, "I mean, he's trying to get things back to normal. He's desperate for things to be the way they used to be."

"Losing a parent at such a young age," Lorelai wore a countenance of grief, "It's just got to be so hard." Her eyes fell onto her friend. "How have you been holding up?" She had barely asked the man how _he_ was doing. She felt a tinge of guilt for not talking about his feelings more, but Luke always seemed to press Jess' issues, putting himself second for his nephew.

"Ah," he rubbed his temples, "Better than Jess is, I know that." Luke had gone through his grieving, and he knew he'd never fully get over her death, but that he had to move on with his life. Liz wouldn't want him or Jess living in the past. Although she was quite selfish at times, she truly did care about him and her son more than any of them would probably ever know. Although she wasn't the best mother or sister, she did try. "I'm doing pretty good," he assured his friend. He didn't want to go into any detail on the situation. He was never comfortable talking about his feelings and conversations based on them always tended to make the man feel awkward and out of place.

Lorelai nodded and watched as her friend shifted his position, standing up somewhat straight, releasing his hands from off the edge of the table, "I think I should talk to Jess about seeing a shrink," Luke started, the sentence sounding foreign as it came out of his mouth. Jess and shrink in the same sentence just didn't seem right to Luke.

Lorelai gave the man a smile and nodded, "I think you should talk to him about that too; it would really help him." Lorelai felt that if the boy did open up, he'd find a way to sort everything out. She knew he must be feeling a lot of mixed emotions, and she knew that neither Luke, Rory, or herself could truly help the boy sort them out. They could try, but they'd more than likely fail.

"When should I bring it up?" Luke asked. He was going to try and talk to the kid about it that morning, but Jess seemed to already be in a foul mood. Luke opted for another time.

"Honesty, Luke, there will never be the perfect time to bring this up," Lorelai informed her friend, receiving a somewhat worried glance from the man, "You just have to do it when _you_ feel it's the right time. I would suggest doing it when the kid wasn't in a bad mood though," she warned with a small smirk, "Or 'ol R.P. McMurphy might go crazy on you."

Luke let out a small chuckle and nodded, "I'll attempt to talk to him later then," he concluded, "After school perhaps?"

Lorelai nodded. "Just remember, Luke, don't push it on him," she told him. "If you do, he'll be even more reluctant."

Luke sighed and rubbed at his temples, "God, I suck at these talks." He had a feeling the conversation was going to be one filled with pauses and a rather rough start. Luke and parenting always tended to bring out awkward moments.

"Don't worry, Luke," she assured the man, "Just try and word it before you speak it," she advised. "Don't blurt it out 'cause you might just hit an iceberg and it'll end like the Titanic: disastrously."

Luke nodded as Lorelai's cell phone began to ring. The tone caused both sets of eyes to fall onto the woman's purse, "It's Michel," she knew without even looking at the caller ID, "One of the business parties arriving today, everything's apparently quickly turning chaotic," she gave a small laugh, "First we were out of coffee, then the staff was behind--"

"Oh," he nodded, quiet for a moment. "Yeah. Go on and get back to work."

Lorelai nodded and gave the man a warm smile, "I'll see you later tonight probably. Rory and I couldn't resist getting burgers from here. We've been lacking those delicious delicacies since you shut down the last few days."

"Alright," Luke smiled, waving at her as she made her way to the door, "I'll see you later tonight."

She flashed a smile at him one last time before exiting the diner, her hand quickly going to her purse. She pulled out her phone and flipped it open as she walked and placed it to her ear. Luke watched as his friend walked off, rolling her eyes and chatting with the person on the other end. Luke looked back at the near-empty diner and swiftly got back to work.

* * *

Jess swung the door to the diner open, all eyes falling on him as he entered the packed room. The dinner rush was beginning early that day apparently. He could faintly hear Luke's voice coming from the back, barking at Caesar about the large crowd and slow work effort. He rolled his eyes and made his way over to the counter. He was planning to head straight upstairs to avoid his crazy neighbors, but he did usually work this shift. He concluded that if he wanted to get another step closer to normal, he'd have to start up his usual work schedule again. Perhaps it would keep his mind off things?

He grabbed an order pad and pencil, stuffing them both in his front pocket. With coffee pot in hand, he made his way from behind the counter, his eyes darting around for empty cups. Once he located a needy customer, he maneuvered his way around chairs and tables to reach them.

Luke emerged from the back and ran a hand over his face. Customers were getting anxious for their food and coffee, and Luke was in desperate need of some extra hands. His eyes suddenly fell on his nephew, who had apparently just returned from school. To his surprise, the boy was making his way around the diner, refilling coffee mugs and jotting down orders. It was odd to see Jess working a shift willingly. Luke hadn't even told the boy he had to start work yet, but for some reason the kid had just decided to go ahead and do it anyway. He wasn't complaining though, he definitely needed the extra help.

"Oh, sweetie, it's just so terrible," Luke heard the familiar cry of Babette and turned his attention over to her table. Jess was standing in front of her and her husband, wearing a rather irritated expression on his face as he held a pencil, trying to get an order out of the couple.

Jess was trying his hardest to ignore the comments, even though he was about ready to fling himself at them. He knew there'd be the occasional condolence, but he didn't expect it to be so soon, or to go on _this _long; Babette had been going on for two minutes straight. He had simply asked her what she wanted but she decided to express her sorrow for his whole situation, always looking over to her husband after each statement, waiting for a nod of approval. He gripped the pad tightly in his hand, trying to keep his temper in check.

"Losing a parent at your age--"

"Two burgers with a side of fries," Jess suddenly cut Babette off, much to the older woman's surprise. He jotted down the order onto the pad with force, pressing the pencil hard into the paper.

"What?" Babette asked, bemused.

"That's what you're getting. Since you can't seem to answer the damn question, I decided for you," Jess stormed away from the table, making his way over to the back to hand Caesar the order.

"Treating the customers well, I see," Luke commented, receiving a glare from his nephew.

He quickly handed the order off to Caesar and turned to look back at his uncle, "Well, you'd be a little annoyed too if you had to hear that woman go on about how sorry she was for your loss, and that it's 'just _so_ terrible_.'" _

Luke sighed, "They're just trying to be nice, Jess."

"Well, it'd be much _nicer_ if they just stopped bringing it up," he retorted, his eyes traveling towards Babette, who was now whispering something to her husband, her eyes resting straight on Jess. He had a pretty good guess that she was saying something about how hard the death was on his young mind.

"Jess, you know, if you don't want to work--"

"No," Jess cut his uncle off harshly. He made his way over to the coffee machine and picked up a fresh pot, "I need to start working again. Besides, it's not like you can handle this herd of crazies without an extra set of hands."

Luke couldn't deny the fact. The diner was crowded, and he definitely needed some help dealing with his somewhat impatient customers. He simply nodded and let Jess slide past him swiftly. Luke grabbed an order pad from off the counter and followed shortly after the boy.

The late afternoon seemed to go by quickly, following a sort of pattern. Jess took one half of the room, and Luke took the other. For both boys, neighbors constantly expressed their concerns for their loss. Luke could see why Jess was getting so irritated at their neighbors; it was starting to get to Luke as well. He though, unlike Jess, tried to keep a polite tone. He heard his nephew speak between clenched teeth as he frequently recited a random order for customers who went on far too long for the boy's liking. Luke contemplated telling the boy to take the rest of the shift off, afraid that someone might go on for too long or go too far, causing the boy to snap, but quickly thought otherwise. The diner was growing full, and for each customer that left, it seemed another would quickly slide in.

Luke peered over at his nephew, who was refilling the coffee mug of the elder Gilmore. Luke hadn't even noticed she'd come in, his mind completely wrapped up in dealing with the impatient customers that seemed to make up his side of the diner. At least the kid would be able to actually give a customer what they had in mind for an order, instead of getting so fed up with them that he'd write down a random order and run off. He had a feeling some of the customers were getting a bit irritated with the boy for that.

Lorelai smiled as she watched the warm brew pour from the pot and into her mug. She had been craving coffee since earlier that morning, but was called off before she could get her cup by a frantic Michel. Thankfully the chaos of that day had ended, and things with the business party went perfectly. Now it was time for her to sit back, enjoy her coffee, and eat a delicious cheeseburger.

"So," Jess started, pulling out an order pad and pencil from his pocket, "Since you've already done the whole condolence thing with me, I'm guessing you'll be one of the few customers that actually gets to order what they want tonight."

Lorelai let out a laugh and took a sip of her coffee, "Have they really been hounding you with apologies all afternoon?"

Jess snorted, "Yep, and that's why half of the diner's customers have been getting burgers or pancakes."

The Gilmore let her eyes wander around the room, and to her surprise, found that practically one whole side of the room had plates with burgers or stacks of pancakes on them. She thought the boy had been exaggerating a little with the apologies. She didn't think that the whole town would really start up on it.

"Hmm," she mused, placing her coffee mug down on the table, "Pancakes for dinner? Rather tempting idea there, Jess..." her eyes suddenly got wide, and she perked up, "So, if I go on about how sorry I am for you will I get the special pancakes for dinner too?"

Jess rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "No, if you do that, you'll get a Caesar Salad and no refills on your coffee."

Lorelai gasped with fake shock and placed a hand up to her chest, "But everyone else got pancakes and burgers!" she exclaimed. "You're discriminating against me! I'm trying to join the majority here, conforming to the rest of society!"

"Order now or I'm bringing you out a salad," he threatened.

Lorelai scoffed mockingly and grabbed onto the handle of her coffee mug, "Fine," she declared, "I want a cheeseburger with an extra side of fries, and make them extra crispy."

Jess finished jotting down the order and stuffed the pen and pad in his pocket. He nodded and grabbed the coffee pot that sat on the table.

The faint sound of a siren could be heard heading down the street, causing Jess to slightly perk up. The ringing got louder and louder as the ambulance neared...and there he was again. Standing above his mother's lifeless body, her face pale, eyes practically glazed over. The dark and gloomy feel to the apartment sent chills down Jess' spine. Everything just felt so real, and Jess almost believed it was. He almost felt like he was there again, scared and practically helpless as he watched his mother die in front of him. He remembered the seconds her breathing slowed, the rise and fall of her chest suddenly vanishing. That was when he rushed to call Luke. The first person that came to his mind when he walked in and found her like that was Luke. He felt his uncle would know what to do, he felt his uncle would know how to _save_ her. His hands fumbled to reach the phone, his mind still trying to completely catch up to what was happening to him. Things felt like a blur. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't...

His mind was trying to bring him out of it, trying to help him escape from this memory trap. He didn't want to relive it; he was so sick of seeing it happen over and over again. It made bile rise in his throat whenever he pictured his mother lying lifeless on that floor.

The sound of glass smashing had alerted Luke. He instantly perked up and snapped his head towards the sound. His nephew had dropped the coffee pot on the hard floor, causing the glass and its contents to spill and scatter about.

"Jess," Lorelai called, slowly rising from her seat somewhat cautiously. She didn't know what had just happened. One minute, the boy was fine, making his way over towards the kitchen, and the next, he was just gone. There was this distant look to his eyes, as if he wasn't even there. It concerned Lorelai. Something was wrong.

Luke was by the boy's side quickly, examining the kid's state of being, "Jess," Luke laid a cautious hand on the kid's shoulder, feeling that a touch may perhaps bring the boy back from where he went. The kid was tense and seemed apprehensive. He suddenly realized what was going on once he saw that look in his eyes. The doctors had warned him about this; it was all in that pamphlet he had gotten a little more than a week ago. This was a flashback. He fit all of the symptoms: the withdrawal, the far away look, his lack of response to his name. God, Luke had hoped this wouldn't happen. Weren't the nightmares enough? It just seemed like Jess couldn't catch a break.

His eyes quickly wandered around the diner, suddenly realizing that the whole town was watching. Silence had swiftly fallen over the room right as the coffee pot smashed. He needed to get Jess somewhere else, and fast! He knew the boy wouldn't appreciate an audience, and Luke knew there wasn't really any way for him to help the kid here. Hell, he wasn't sure if there _was _anything he could do to help.

"Come on, Jess," he wrapped an arm around the withdrawn boy's shoulders and led him over to the stairs. For the most part, it was Luke doing most of the walking for the kid, but Jess seemed somewhat conscious that he was moving, and his feet tried to keep up with what was happening.

Lorelai swiftly made her way over to the stairs, holding up the curtain for Luke as he got the boy up the stairs and out of the view of the town. She followed behind the two, her steps quick and paced as she made her way up.

"Luke," she called as her friend opened the apartment door, "What's wrong with him? What's happening?"

She took close steps behind Luke as he made his way over to the couch and sat Jess down. The man ran a hand over his face and rubbed hard at his temples. "It's a flashback," Luke sounded almost frantic, his voice quivering, "Oh God, Lorelai...I don't know what to do. The doctor warned me about these, but I don't know how to get him to come out of it!"

Lorelai watched as her friend paced around the room, feeling as helpless as he did. Her eyes fell on Jess, whose eyes seemed to travel somewhat around the room, but still had that far away look to them. She wondered what was going on in his mind, she wondered if he was trying to escape...

Jess wanted out. He couldn't take it, but he didn't know how to break free. He tried to escape the horrific sight of his mother, but wherever he looked, there she seemed to be, her eyes open, glazed and wide, staring at nothing. He had faintly heard the calls of Luke, and had somewhat of a grasp on where he was now. He had felt his feet stumble on stairs, so he could only conclude he was up in the apartment.

He needed to think of something else. He needed to get his mind to focus on something that didn't involve a dead Liz. His thoughts passed to childhood memories. Playing in the park, eyes wandering across a picture book page, the fishing trips he used to go on with Luke...

The thoughts seemed to ease him somewhat, but he just couldn't seem to escape. The sirens had gone away though, and he felt like at any minute, the paramedics would burst in like they did when it really happened. Though that night seemed like something of a blur to him, he remembered that happening. Most events after it though had slipped his mind completely. His memory seemed to fast forward to that night at the hospital. The rest had vanished from his memory.

Jess went back to focusing on other subjects. His mind wandered to his favorite books, Hemmingway jumped in his thoughts and with that came Rory. She was a comforting image, her blue eyes and beautiful smile. The way she'd blush when he'd taunt her, the playful smacks of her heel against the pavement when she got flustered...the traumatic memory around him suddenly seemed to fade and his eyes met the worried and worn gaze of Luke.

He blinked. The world around him was the real world, the here and now. He wasn't back in New York, and Liz's cold eyes weren't starring back at him. Instead he was met by Luke's lively ones.

"Jess!" Luke called, "Jess!" The boy didn't respond but let his eyes wander around the room once again, falling on shelves and soon after Lorelai, "Jess!" Luke called again, "Can you talk to me?"

"I need a cigarette," he simply stated, standing up and stretching his legs. He walked towards his bed and pulled out his pack from his pile of clothes, "I'll be back later," he informed his uncle as he made his way over to the door. He turned and looked back at Luke, who now seemed a little bemused, and Lorelai, who just seemed to be a patient observer, "I'll help you close up later, since I'm heading out early..." he paused before awkwardly continuing, "Bye." He turned and quickly made his way out the door, shutting it gently behind him.

Lorelai looked over towards Luke, who seemed completely puzzled, "...he's alright now, then?" Luke questioned, looking over towards his friend for an assuring yes. He just wanted Jess to be alright; the boy was acting oddly normal like what happened didn't really affect him. He knew it did, but he just wanted to believe it didn't. He just wanted to hold on to that hope that it didn't, that everything was fine.

Lorelai shook her head sternly, "No." Luke felt his heart fall as his small hope was crushed. Lorelai's eyes travelled to the door once again, her head still shaking, "Not at all."

* * *

Thank you all so for reading!

Somehow, I managed to get this lengthy chapter edited earlier than I expected. I'll try to get the next chapter up sometime next week.

In the meantime, please, please, please review! I love to hear what you guys think about the story. I've been working pretty hard on it too.

:)


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter!

* * *

When he heard what happened to Liz, it wasn't that surprising. For the few years he was with her, she'd always been a wild one. He couldn't say he wasn't wild though; he had been almost wilder than her, but he never did things that dangerous. He had gotten the call a few days later after the funeral. Some old friend of his had called him up and informed him of the tragic news. He was devastated.

Yes, she was his first love, and they had a child together. Sure, he wasn't exactly in that child's life, but it was still _theirs_. He hadn't kept in touch with either Liz or Jess. He stopped. Jess, that boy had to be about sixteen or seventeen now, not exactly a _boy _anymore. God, he had missed so much, and he sometimes regretted it, but the truth was, he just wasn't ready to be a father back then. Now, he felt much more prepared, but seventeen years ago? He was still a child himself. He knew that now he needed to step up to that responsibility and be there for the son that he was never there for since the beginning. He knew the kid probably wouldn't greet him with open arms, but he had to at least give it a shot. The boy barely had anyone now, except for him and Liz's brother. Luke had never been one for parenting though, and Jimmy could never picture that lumberjack ever taking in a seventeen year old. To his surprise, the man had.

Jimmy had ventured up to New York, knowing that was the place Liz had decided to settle down, in search of Jess. All he found was an empty apartment, spare for a few boxes, and a grave. One of Liz's friends had clued him in that Jess had been taken in by his uncle from a small town, and Jimmy then knew exactly where to go.

Stars Hollow had been where Liz grew up, a sort of death trap, as she liked to call it. He recalled that Luke had started a diner down there, turning his late father's hardware store into a cafe.

His eyes settled on the old diner right then, passing by it slowly in his car. There were small clusters of customers inside, but the crowds seemed to be dying down as dusk was near an end. Jimmy pulled his car up to the curb and put it in park, swiftly turning off the engine and taking out his key from the ignition. He didn't know if he should just walk on in there and announce who he was. He was betting Luke wouldn't be to happy to see him if he did. He wouldn't admit it aloud, but Jimmy was extremely nervous. He had no idea how he was going to do this or what to say. Maybe it had been a bad idea, coming here. Maybe Jess wouldn't want to see him, maybe the kid would snap at him for not being there all those years and leaving him with a druggie of a mother. He would deserve all the harsh words though; he _should_ have been there, and he knew it.

A teenager suddenly made his way hurriedly through the diner, all eyes seeming to follow him as he swiftly made his way to the door. He simply ignored them though and stormed out of the diner, his hand quickly reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette. When the boy looked up towards him, Jimmy's mouth fell agape. That was Jess, there was no doubt about it. The boy looked so much like he himself did when he was a teenager; they shared so many features. It was almost like looking in a mirror.

He watched as his son placed the stick in between his lips and fiddled with a lighter, rolling the thumbwheel to produce a flame. Once the stick was lit, the kid began his way down the road, one hand stuffed in his pocket, the other hanging loosely onto his cigarette.

Jimmy quickly got out of his car and began to follow, feeling that it was something he had to do. It'd be much easier to confront Jess when the angry, intimating lumberjack wasn't anywhere near. If there was one thing Jimmy remembered about Luke, it was his strong overprotectiveness when it came to family. Jimmy wanted to talk with his son without the stocky man towering over him.

He followed far behind, trying not to make it seem too obvious that he was following the teenager. Jess suddenly stopped moving, causing Jimmy's heart to race. The kid brought the cigarette to his mouth as he turned his head. Jimmy quickly got occupied, stopping to look in the window of a shop. His eyes darted to find he was staring at a store that seemed to be devoted to porcelain unicorns. The eyes of hundreds of different unicorns stared creepily at him.

Jess raised an eyebrow before exhaling smoke and turning around, the cigarette hanging again between his fingers. He quickly continued his way to the bridge, gaining increasingly suspicious of the curious man who seemed to be following him. Whenever he let his eyes stray back, the man would suddenly stop to look into a window or finger a head of lettuce outside of the market.

As Jess turned into the secluded area of town, covered by trees and shrubbery, Jimmy quickly followed. He turned the same corner, bemused to find that the teenager had suddenly vanished. His eyes darted around, trying to find where the kid could have possibly went off to.

"So," a voice started, followed quickly by steps. Jess appeared from behind a bush, arms crossed, "You want to tell me who you are and why you're following me?" he questioned, taking a drag from his cigarette. "I'm not in the mood for a stalker."

Jimmy was incredibly nervous. He didn't know who to start this, and he quickly felt himself going chicken. He wanted to back out, but it was too late now. "I'm your father," he suddenly blurted. He hadn't meant to just blurt it out, but he didn't know what else to say.

Jess let his cigarette fall to the ground, his eyes wide. He let the phrase repeat in his head, trying to take in fully the huge meaning of it. "You're joking."

"Oh God," Jimmy ran a hand through his hair, a nervous smile on his face, "That wasn't really the best thing to start with," He shifted nervously, "Jess, I'm Jimmy Mariano."

"The hot-dog king?"

Jimmy let out a laugh, "Liz told you about that?"

"No," Jess shook his head, "Luke called you that. Along with 'deadbeat,' 'scum,' and many other derogatory names," Jess crossed his arms and gave the man a smirk, "You're his _favorite_."

The sarcasm did nothing to lighten Jimmy's mood. "The guy's got reason not to like me," Jimmy acknowledged, more to himself than Jess. He couldn't argue. All that Luke said was true. He was a deadbeat father. He left his son when he wasn't even a day old and didn't return until seventeen years later.

"I'm guessing you heard then?" Jess questioned, his eyes falling down to the dead cigarette that lay below his feet.

"Yeah," Jimmy nodded, "I would have been here sooner--"

"How much sooner?" Jess inquired, his voice gaining some temper, "Five years ago, ten years?" He felt such a rage towards the estranged man. He wanted to scream and hit him; he wanted to let his father know how angry he truly was.

"I know I'm a crappy father. I knew that the day you were born."

"You didn't have to be! You could have a least _tried_!" Jess barked. "You could have made an attempt! You left me with Liz, and I _know _you know what she's like_. _She was in no way capable of being a mother at her age and a single mother at that. She _needed_ you, and you left her!"

"Jess, I'm sorry. I really am sorry, and I know I should have stayed. I shouldn't have gotten so scared and ran out on you two like that." Jimmy was feeling like crap. His kid sure did know how to get to him. Jess was right; he shouldn't have left Liz with such a huge duty. Jess was his kid too. He was going to make up for it though; he was going to be there for his son _now, _he was determined to become a good father now that this tragedy brought them together.

Jess heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. The anger he felt seconds ago began to fade. After a pause, he spoke up. "So," he started, "What now?"

Jimmy stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged, "I don't know. I only got about this far in my plan on the drive here. I wasn't sure how this would go." Jess watched him as he fidgeted. Jimmy shrugged, "I mean, I knew there'd be some yelling on your part, but I didn't know if we'd get passed that or not."

"Well, we did...barely." Jess crossed his arms. "You know, I was expecting more than just a 'hi' after seventeen years of being absent. I'm disappointed, hot-dog king."

"Yeah," he nodded, "I did came here for more than that." Jimmy searched for the words, unable to fathom where to go next. "I didn't know your uncle would have taken you in, Luke never seemed like the parent type."

"Luke's been a hell of a lot better at being a parent than you ever were," Jess felt the need to defend his uncle. The man had been trying hard to be a good parent, and he was doing a pretty good job, considering he was the guardian of_ him. _Luke had been there when Jimmy and even Liz weren't. In Jess' opinion, Luke was the only person in his life who was actually capable of being his parent--let alone_ a_ parent.

"I know," Jimmy raised his hands up and nodded. "He's taking good care of you?"

"Excellent care." For what Luke was dealing with right now, he should be getting a parent of the year award.

Jimmy nodded and gave the boy a small smile, "Good." He nodded again before continuing, "I'm going to be staying at the motel," he motioned towards its direction with his thumb. "Tomorrow we could do something--only if you wanted to though." Jimmy hesitated for a moment, fidgeting with his fingers. He sighed and quickly amended his statement, "If you want me to go, I'll go. I won't stay if you don't want me to, but I really would like to spend some time with you."

Jess hesitated for a moment before shaking his head, "No, I want you to stay." Thing felt incredibly awkward now between the two. "Come to the diner tomorrow around two; I've got school before then."

Jimmy gave his son a wide smile,"Alright, I'll meet you there then."

"Okay," Jess nodded, trying to figure out if this whole thing was actually happening, "Tomorrow then."

Jimmy headed out towards the town, leaving Jess alone with his thoughts. The boy took out a cigarette and lit it quickly. Things were so odd. First there was that terrible flashback, and now his long lost father was back and in his life. Everything felt like it was out of his grasp and control. Things just can't get back to normal for him; something always had to get in the way. Jimmy was a good thing though. At least _he_ felt it was. Meeting his father for the first time, even if it wasn't exactly the best time for it to happen, wasn't a bad thing at all. He'd always wondered what his father was like and always wanted to believe the things that both Luke and Liz said about him wasn't true. Maybe this was Jimmy's chance to prove them wrong. Maybe Jess would actually get to know the man and form an opinion for himself.

* * *

Jess made his way into the dark diner, shutting the door quietly behind him. He was extremely late by Luke's usual standards. His wandering had lasted longer than it should have. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the whole Jimmy thing. Thankfully, Jimmy was a great distraction for his thoughts of Liz. It was a nice break from all of the pain, but the whole situation still confused him.

Jimmy never said exactly _why _he was here, and Jess knew there had to be a bigger motive behind it. The last he had heard, Jimmy was living in California, a rather far drive just for some bonding with a long-lost son. Sure, he knew Liz's death played a huge part in it, but he knew Jimmy had other plans with this. Not bad plans though, he hoped.

Jess made his way up the stairs and opened the door slowly, not wanting to make any loud noises just in case Luke was asleep. He knew that probably wasn't the case though; Luke would stay up all night until Jess returned if the man had to. It was just to get a chance to yell at the boy, to make sure he was not dead. Jess walked in to find Luke sitting at the table, a somewhat irritated glare coming from his direction.

"You know," he started, crossing his arms, "You were supposed to home three hours ago." Luke was a little angry at his nephew--actually, a lot more than a little angry. He was infuriated. He had no idea where Jess had run off to, and the boy had made him stay up till almost midnight waiting on him.

"Sorry," Jess gave him a weak apology as he made his way over to his bed. "Something came up."

"Oh," Luke snorted, leaning back in his chair, "And what, exactly, came up?" he questioned. "Needed an emergency run to the drug store with Lorelai to pick up another pack of cigarettes?"

Jess's eyes snapped over to Luke, "No, actually. Thought I'd just go hold up a liquor store instead, in honor of my dead mother's favorite pastime."

Luke didn't know how to respond to that. A jibe that included Liz hurt Luke. She was his sister after all. Even if it was true, it didn't have to be said, and Jess knew it too. "Jess," Luke sighed, standing up from his seat, "Don't talk about your mother like that."

"I can talk about her any way I please," he retorted, pulling off his shirt and throwing it onto the ground. "She's _my _mother, and she abandoned _me_." He jabbed a finger at his chest, "So I think I have all the right in the world to talk about her that way."

Luke sighed and watched as Jess threw his watch onto his dresser, the accessory landing with a clank against the wood. Jess stared down at the watch, unmoving, trapped in some thought. He quickly began to meddle with the other band on his wrist as he spoke, "Luke, do you know where my father went after he left us?"

"The hot-dog king?" Luke scoffed at the name like the man was some sort of joke, "No," he shook his head, "He just ran out right after you born, the scum-bag, and never returned. Of course he wasn't going to tell us where he was going, Liz probably knew..." Luke watched as Jess hesitantly laid his band down on the dresser and turned, "Why are you bringing up Jimmy, anyway?" The lumberjack had to admit, the question was rather random and odd--yes, it was normal for a teenager who never knew his father to ask about him, but Jess never brought it up nor ever seemed to care for the man. Why the sudden change of heart?

Jess paused for a moment, before heading over to his bed, "I just talked with him," Jess spoke as if it was no big deal, as if the fact he had just spoken to his estranged father for the first time in seventeen years was no major event. The kid kicked off his jeans and pulled the sheets down towards the end of his bed. He was far too lazy and too exhausted to put on pajamas. The whole day had left him terribly tired. First school, than the flashback, and now Jimmy. It bemused him at how one day could be filled with so much.

"On the phone?" Luke questioned, a little shocked. He didn't expect that. Jimmy actually contacting Jess was very low on the list of things Luke thought would ever happen.

"No," Jess plopped down on his bed and rested his head on his pillow, "He's here."

"What?" Luke couldn't wrap his mind around the concept. Jimmy Mariano, here? After seventeen years? The shock that had first filled him was now growing into anger. Jimmy was here, ready to meddle with things. Jess was slowly, but surely, progressing towards better, and Luke felt that the sudden appearance of his long-lost father could shake him back down again. Even though Luke know his nephew was definitely not alright--the flashback earlier had definitely proved that to him--he still felt that the boy was a least a little step closer to better. He couldn't risk letting Jess fall back, and if Jimmy did anything to make things harder for his nephew, then Luke wouldn't let the man forget it.

"He's in town. Here. Stars Hollow," Jess scoffed and turned on his side. "I can't make it any clearer for you. Now could you turn off the lights and let me sleep?"

"Oh," Luke stepped back towards the door and fingering the switch. With a swift flick of his finger, the lights went off, the room immediately swallowed by the darkness, "G'night, Jess."

"Mm," the teenager let out a mumble as he adjusted himself on the bed, arms wrapped around his pillow, "Yeah, 'night."

Luke watched his nephew from the kitchen table, listening to the boy's constant shuffling for minutes. Eventually, the shifting ended, and the boy seemed to relax, finding the position that suited him the best. Once Luke was sure that the kid was out cold, he slowly stood up and headed over to the door.

The lumberjack grabbed his green coat and shrugged into it. His hand grasped the handle and turned it, pulling the door open just a small crack. He turned his head once again to Jess' sleeping form, hands clutching his car keys, before turning back and heading out.

* * *

Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

I'll try to get another chapter up sometime next week.

In the meantime, please review! I appreciate everyone and I love to hear what you think!

:)


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thank you all so much for reviewing the last chapter, I really appreciate it! :)

* * *

Lorelai shoot up in bed, the constant patter of something hitting her bedroom window beginning to annoy her. Who the hell was throwing rocks at her window, and at--her eyes glanced over to the clock--twelve-thirty in the morning!?

She pulled her sheets off of her legs and quickly made her way over to the window. She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Luke standing below, about to throw another rock. When the diner owner noticed that his friend had appeared at the window, looking disheveled and tired, he let the rock in his hand drop. She opened the window, a curious look on her face, before smirking.

"Are we sneaking out to some big high school party, Lukey? Trying to be Romeo?" she teased, resting her hands against the pane, "You know what a sucker I am for Shakespeare, but I always saw you as Juilet."

Luke rolled his eyes at the jibe and crossed his arms. He was hardy in the mood for sarcasm, but he'd play along, "Just trying to relive my youth."

"Alright, let me get my shoes, and we can head on out to the shindig," she pointed behind her with her thumb, still wearing that smirk.

"I need to talk to you," he ignored her last statement and decided to move on to why he was really there. "I didn't want to wake Rory, so I--"

"So you figured tossing rocks and smashing windows would just wake me up?" She shook her head, laughing, "You, sir, are uncanny. You do know it's almost one in the morning, right?"

"I'm well aware of the time, trust me," he grumbled in irritation. He would have to get up early for work tomorrow, and Jess had already made him later than he would have liked to be for bed, and now he was going to get there even later. "Jimmy's here."

"Um..." she stood there, completely clueless to who Luke was referring to. When the man didn't seem like he was going to elaborate, she took a guess, "Jimmy Kimmel?"

"No," Luke rolled his eyes yet again at his friend and crossed his arms, "Jess' father, Jimmy Mariano. You know, the hot-dog king?"

"Sure," she recalled hearing about the estranged father before, but Luke hadn't mentioned him a lot. He had mentioned that the guy had run out on Liz and Jess right after Jess was born and something about hot dogs, but that was about it. Then it hit her. He was here; Luke said he was here. For Jess then? Had he found out about what happened to Liz? Lorelai had a feeling that this talk might be a longer one than she'd expected, and the whole window thing was kind of an odd place to have a talk. "Meet me at the back door," she told her friend, "We can talk more in the kitchen."

Luke nodded and watched as Lorelai disappeared from the window. He made his way over to the back door, trying to keep his steps as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake Rory. He realized now that he should have waited till a more decent hour to talk to Lorelai about this, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he got this settled. Jimmy was here, ready to come in to his nephew's life and let him down yet again. Jimmy wasn't reliable; Jess just didn't know that yet.

Luke heard the click of the lock being unbolted from the door and watched as Lorelai appeared in front of him, wearing a gentle smile. "Come in," she moved out of the doorway and watched as Luke made his way in and over to the kitchen table, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

"Sorry about coming so early--"

"No," she interrupted her friend's apology and raised a hand as she made her way over to him, "It's alright." She grabbed the kettle off of the stove and held it up, "Do you want some tea? Coffee?"

"Yeah, actually," he looked over at his friend with tired eyes, "Tea sounds pretty good."

She smiled and made her way to the sink. With a flick of her wrist, she turned on the faucet and let the water fill up the kettle. "So," she spoke as she placed the kettle on a burner and turned on the heat, "Jimmy's here."

"Yeah," her friend let out a tired sigh and rubbed his temples, "He's here."

"Did Jess see him yet?" she questioned, taking the seat adjacent from her friend.

"Yeah," he nodded, "Jess was the one who told me he was here. They talked for a bit--about what, I don't know, but they talked." The actual idea of Jimmy talking to his nephew was such a foreign thing. He knew Jimmy would get curious and try to contact the kid one day, but now, for some reason, even if it made complete sense why he was here, Luke thought this was just not the best time.

"Well, that sounds fairly nice," she gave him a small smile, "No loss of limbs or anything. Talking is good, right?"

The kettle started whistling, and Lorelai stood up and went to the stove, turning off the heat with a swift twist of a nob. She began filling two mugs with steaming water, turning her head slightly to look towards Luke.

"I don't know if this is a good thing," he spoke, resting his elbows against the table, "Jimmy isn't really the best guy, and I have a feeling Jess is going to get his hopes up for something that isn't there. I don't want him ending up getting hurt. He can't handle that while still trying to get over Liz."

Lorelai nodded and handed her friend his cup of tea before sitting back down with hers. "Do you really think Jimmy is going to hurt him? Maybe the guy has changed."

Luke snorted, "Now that's unlikely," he took a sip of his tea, "It takes the guy seventeen years and the death of his ex-girlfriend to get him to come see his kid? I know Jimmy, and I know he hasn't changed. The guy didn't even pay child support! He just let Liz take care of the kid by herself. I don't want him around Jess. I just don't want him to come in here and do anything to push Jess back. He's slowly getting better, and I don't need Jimmy coming in and screwing that up."

"Yeah," she nodded. She had to agree with the man: Jimmy may not be the best thing for Jess right now, and if he's still the way he was years ago, then he would definitely be a hinder in Jess' recovery. "Well, maybe you should go talk with him," she suggested, "If he doesn't seem like he's going to do anything good for Jess, tell Jess he can't see the guy," she stared at her tea. "If he's in town, then he has to be at the motel," she took a sip of her drink and placed the mug back down. "I know he's not at the Inn so..." she shrugged her shoulders and looked up towards her friend.

"You know, that's not a bad idea," Luke placed his mug on the table and stood up, "I'm going to go and talk to him." He made his way over to the door and turned to face his friend, "Thanks for the tea."

She waved her hand dismissively, "No problem," she gave him a smile, "I'll see you tomorrow, then? Tell me how it goes."

He nodded at her with a small smile and grasped the door knob. With that, he slid out and made his way back over to his truck. It was time to pay Jimmy a little visit.

* * *

Luke made a left turn, maneuvering his truck into the bare parking lot of the Stars Hollow Motel. The building was dotted with random lit up windows, their light shining out from behind the glass and illuminating the dark night. He pulled into a spot and put the car into park roughly. His hand gripped the clutch tightly for a moment, his mind raging with distasteful thought for the man who he was paying a visit.

Why had he come to find him now of all times? Jess was already dealing with so much, and Jimmy would just add to his problems. Jimmy had always been a problem in Luke's eyes, and he would forever stay that way. His eyes darted up to a man standing on the walkway above him. Smoke rose from the cigarette in his hand, the red embers shinning in the darkness. From the dim light hanging above the figure's head, he could make out the face of no other than Jimmy Mariano himself. He appeared fairly similar to the way he looked seventeen years ago, spare the few wrinkles on his forehead. Age had been good to him.

Luke watched as Jimmy took another drag before tapping the ash off the end of his cigarette. The movements were practically the same as Jess'. The gentle tap with the index finger against the stick, held somewhat loosely between his two fingers, reminded Luke of Jess. The man felt his temper raise once again at the thought that Jess was like Jimmy. Jimmy was the scum of the earth. Jess was not like him, Jess was not like that man.

Jimmy's eyes finally caught onto Luke, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. The man looked familiar, but he couldn't place a name to the face. The face was staring up at him, screaming murder from its eyes. That's when it struck him, and he suddenly knew exactly who the figure was.

"Luke," he spoke the name aloud, taking one last puff from his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stomping it out with his heel. To be honest, he wasn't too pleased to see the diner owner. The last time he had seen the man he had left him with a bad impression (and nearly a black eye). Skipping out right after your kid was born wouldn't give him a good standing in anyone's eyes.

"What the _hell _are you doing here, Jimmy?" Luke growled, hands clenching into fists. He wanted to punch Jimmy straight in the jaw, and if it wasn't for the fact that Jimmy stood on the walkway above him, he probably would have done it by now.

"It's nice to see you too, Luke," he replied sardonically, crossing his arms, "It's been a while."

"Try nearly two decades. I'm not in the mood for this, Jimmy," Luke retorted. He got enough sarcasm for Jess, and he didn't need any more from the kid's grown father. "Answer the question," he ordered, "Why are you here?"

"He's my kid, Luke," Jimmy started, hands resting on the rail of the walkway.

Luke snorted and cut in, "If I remember correctly, you left your _kid _seventeen years ago. The day you left you gave up all rights to him."

"Hey!" Jimmy protested, "I wasn't ready to be a father; I was only a teenager for God's sake! I was still a kid myself."

"And Liz wasn't?" Luke crossed his arms. He wanted to punch the man above him so badly; he wanted to land one square in the jaw, hard enough to knock Jimmy off of his feet. Luke was enraged, "She didn't run off though; she stayed with him. She raised him, and do you think she was ready to be a mother back then? No! She wasn't." Jimmy stood there, silent. "Dammit, Jimmy!" Luke continued, "She needed you! _They _needed you!"

"I know," Jimmy let out a sigh, "And that's why I came back. I want to fix this; I want to be there for Jess. I want to be a good father." God, he felt terrible. Luke sure knew how to make someone fell like crap. He had always knew that they needed him, that running off like that and not coming back was a stupid move, and he had always had that hanging on his conscience for years. He always wondered how they were doing, wondered what Jess looked like, if he was a happy kid, what his first day of school was like. He always wondered and always regretted leaving, but he knew he wasn't ready to be a father; he didn't know if he ever would be. But now that Liz was gone, Jess was left without a parent. He knew he needed to step up now and be there for Jess. He knew he had no choice.

"You lost your chance years ago," Luke spat, "Now get out of here." His hand reached out to grab the handle of the door, fingers clutched tightly around the metal. He swung the door open with some force.

"No," Jimmy called back. Luke turned his gaze back to the man. "I'm not going. I'm staying. Jess needs me, and he's my kid, so as long as he's here, so am I."

Luke released his grip of the handle and sighed. He knew Jimmy was a stubborn man. The few months he had gotten to know the man, he had learned that. Luke pointed up at Jimmy, "If you do anything, and I mean _anything _to hurt Jess, I'll hurt you even worse." His hand fell to his side and looked towards the front seat of his car. "He's been through enough already."

Jimmy silently nodded and released his grip on the railing. Luke knew he couldn't stop Jimmy from trying to see Jess, but he could tell Jess to stay away from his father. He was the kid's guardian. Jimmy wouldn't do any good, and he'd just have to make sure Jess stayed clear of him.

The two headed their separate ways, Luke getting into his truck while Jimmy entered his motel room. The two shut their doors and Jimmy listened as Luke reeved up the engine. As the sound of the truck faded, the car heading back towards the diner, Jimmy sat down on his bed and grabbed a beer. He'd fix this, he would. He wouldn't let Jess down. He didn't want to be a screw-up any longer.

* * *

Jess sat at the kitchen table, hands clutching a book open to page 173. There was a small light on, bright enough for the boy to read the words. The windows were open, letting the room air out. Smoke rose from a still lit cigarette that rested on a small white plate next him. His pack laid on the table beside it, as well as his new lighter. He couldn't get himself to sleep any longer. He had woken up after about twenty minutes of rest, another nightmare about Liz forcing his eyes open.

Jess' eyes wandered off the page and over to the three pill bottles that rested on the kitchen counter near the sink. He couldn't remember if any of them were prescribed to help him with the nightmares, but he was pretty sure none of them did. He tried to get himself to focus on the book in front of him. It was a painful read but an obligatory one due to a certain blue-eyed girl. His mind, however, didn't see it as obligatory, constantly wandering off. Thoughts of Jimmy popped up often, as well as questions as to where the hell Luke had gone at one in the morning.

He was guessing telling Luke about Jimmy wasn't the best idea, seeing as they weren't quite fond of each other. Jess had a theory that Luke had gone out to find Jimmy, but how would he even know where to look? It wasn't like he told the lumberjack where his real old man was staying. But he'd let his uncle wander around as long as he pleased, looking high and low for his long-lost father. He couldn't believe Luke had snuck out though. The man had waited till he was asleep to head out and start his search. What did he think, that Jess was stupid? He knew Luke would go out in search of Jimmy at some point after hearing the news; he was just thinking that Luke would be logical and wait until at least the late morning. Why was he in such a hurry that he had to find Jess' dad that very moment?

Jess dropped his book on the table and picked up his pack, pulling out another cigarette. He grabbed the lighter from off the table and lit the end quickly, taking a puff before grabbing his book back up again with one hand. He let his mind get trapped in the plot--the long, boring plot, each word on the page killing him slowly. He was trying to just get away from it all--from Luke, from Jimmy, from Liz, from everything. He needed a break from all of this. He needed things to be normal, and god dammit, he was trying to make it that way. But no, first Liz had to die, then he had to be diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder, and last of all, the icing on the cake, his father Jimmy had to come. Life was just trying to make it incredibly hard for him to be a normal teenager again.

He took a drag from the cigarette, eyes focused intensely on that same page. He had been stuck on this page for what felt like ages, mind slowly reading the words in front of him, trying to fight off the lingering thoughts about his dysfunctional life. He just needed to push everything aside for a bit, and reading usually did the trick. Well, usually...when he could get himself to pay attention! Sadly, all he had been doing lately was attempting to get sucked into his books, but his mind wouldn't permit it. In school he couldn't even get himself to pay attention to the text, even if death by _The Fountainhead_ was less painful than death by arithmetic. For some reason though, he had opted for the latter and had actually paid attention in school that day. He had actually written down notes, did the classwork, and even did the homework during study hall. It had helped to keep his mind somewhat occupied, but thoughts of Liz popped up here and there. Luke would be astonished to hear that he had actually done school work though. He did manage to get through over a hundred pages of _The Fountainhead_ that day, finding time to keep himself somewhat focused on the story.

The sound of a creak caused Jess to perk up. His eyes travelled to the door as Luke slid in, keeping as quite as possible. The man probably thought he was still asleep. Jess laid his book on the table, quickly dog-earring the page he was on before shutting it and grabbing his cigarette.

"Find what you went out for?" he questioned. Luke jumped at the sound of his nephew's voice, eyes quickly traveling towards the boy's empty bed then to the kid himself.

"Do you have to smoke in here, Jess?" Luke let out an irritated sigh and made his way over to his nephew. He went to snatch the cigarette but missed as Jess moved it in the opposite direction.

"Did you have to go out searching for Jimmy at one in the morning?" the kid retorted quickly, taking a drag from the stick.

"I needed to have a talk with him," Luke insisted, crossing his arms, "I needed to know what he was here for." Jess wouldn't understand; Luke knew this. The kid never knew his father, never knew what the man was like. Jimmy never brought good with him, and he didn't want any bad coming in and messing with his already troubled nephew.

"What do you mean by that?" Jess meet his uncle's intense gaze, locking eyes with the man, matching Luke's intensity tenfold.

"Jimmy isn't good news, Jess," Luke pulled at the chair beside the boy and sat down. He took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair, "I knew he wasn't good news the day Liz met him, and look at what happened."

"What do you mean, _'what happened?'_" He couldn't believe what he was hearing, "_I _happened." Jess' voice rose with anger, "I know I was a mistake, Luke, but it wasn't my fault she got pregnant."

"I didn't mean it like that Jess," Luke suddenly felt lower than low. He felt like Jimmy, complete and utter scum. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that, he hadn't meant to make it sound like his birth was a bad thing, it was just that Liz was so young...

"There's not a lot of other ways to interpret that, _Uncle_ Luke," Jess shot up from his chair and went over to the window, tossing out the butt of his cigarette with a flick of his wrist.

"Jess, no," Luke watched as his nephew rushed back over and quickly grabbed his pack, pulling out another stick and lighting it with the still-lit cigarette resting on his makeshift ashtray. It seems the kid had taken up chain smoking since he had gone out. "I didn't mean it like that. There is nothing wrong with you, and I _never_ said you were a mistake, I never said that, it was just...she was so young at the time."

"I know that," Jess took a drag and let his hand rest near his side, "It's just...don't go and only blame Jimmy for it. She chose to have sex with him; she chose to have me when she was young. They were both involved, not just Jimmy."

Luke knew that was true; he knew that it had been something they both had gotten each other into, but he didn't like to blame his sister. He liked to believe she was just some innocent girl that got caught up with a bad seed, but it wasn't true. Liz had never been innocent. "...I really don't believe Jimmy being here will do you any good, Jess. I don't really want you to get all chummy with him." He said it as more of an order than a suggestion, his voice taking on an authoritative tone as he spoke. He had to say it though; he had to stand his ground as the kid's guardian. He didn't really want Jess around the guy, but then again, he knew Jess wouldn't listen to him. He had to at least try though.

That fact that his uncle was telling him who he could associate with left Jess enraged. "You can't tell me what to do!" he exclaimed, raising his arms up, "You can't tell me I can't see my own father. If I want to see him, I will! Now stay out of it, Luke. You don't control me!" Jess stormed towards the window and threw the cigarette out of the window. He slammed the window shut and snatched his book from off the table, throwing it on top of the pile near his bed.

"I'm going to bed," the boy gave his uncle one last angry glare before plopping down onto the mattress, flipping on his stereo, and covering himself up with his sheets.

"Good," Luke replied, bitterly, "You've got school tomorrow anyway." With that, Luke shut off the lights, the room enveloped by the darkness of the night.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you liked it and I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible.

In the meantime, please review! I appreciate every one of them! :D


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter, you guys help me get these chapters edited and done faster! :)

* * *

Luke sat at the kitchen table the next morning, drinking a glass of orange juice and eating a piece of toast. His eyes followed Jess around the room, the boy hastily getting ready for school. The two had barely spoken a word to each other since the night before. Jess was pissed, and Luke knew he had a right to be, but he was the adult here, and he wasn't going to let Jess get mixed up with Jimmy. He just didn't like the guy, and he had reasons.

Luke knew he should be downstairs right now, working in the diner, but he had taken a quick break to "eat." Yes, he was eating, but he was really up there to make sure his nephew ate himself and took his medications. He knew Jess could slip out without taking it, and give him a smooth, clean lie about it. Jess was always a good liar. The kid had picked that up from his mother.

Jess stuffed a hefty book in his back pocket and a pack of cigarettes in his front. He didn't even glance Luke's way as he spoke up, "I'm heading out," he made his way over to the door and grasped the handle, going to turn it before being stopped by Luke's call.

"What about breakfast," he watched as his nephew let out a reluctant sigh and turned around.

"Not hungry," he simply shrugged and turned back around, going for a second try at the door handle.

"You have to eat," Luke stopped him once again, his voice coming out stiff and authoritative, "You've got to take your medications too."

"Screw the pills," he spat, arms crossed. He was sick of the pills and the nightmares and everything. He was sick of Luke, sick of this town, and sick of his life. Luke had really got him angry last night, and just when he had gotten over it he had to try to start up the ordering around thing again. He couldn't stand that Luke was trying to boss him around like that, telling him he couldn't see his father. Luke had no right to do that. Yes, the guy was his legal guardian, but it still didn't matter! He was seventeen for God's sake, he didn't need a guardian. He did fine without one for years, it wasn't like Liz took care of him when he lived with her, "You can't tell me what to do." He added, sending his uncle a hard glare.

"Yes, I think I can," he pointed to the chair beside him with a stiff finger, sending a matching glare right back at him, "Now, get in this seat and I'll get you some cereal." He was trying to keep his temper in check, not wanting to snap at the boy and start yet another screaming match. God, Jess could sure put him in a crappy mood lately.

"No," Jess hissed, keeping his ground near the door, ready to leave. He felt a singe of guilt for being so mean to the man who had done so much for him, but he didn't care. Luke couldn't tell him he couldn't see his father, it wasn't fair. Even though he wasn't going to follow that rule, he still didn't like that fact Luke had told him that.

"Jess," Luke warned. He was tired of fighting with Jess nonstop. All they've been doing since earlier that morning was fighting, and so much fighting in one morning was driving Luke to the edge, "Just get over here. I don't want to start some big fight about this."

"Good then, I don't either," the kid grasped the handle with his hand, still facing his uncle, "So, I'm going to just go to school and be a good little boy and learn."

"Get over here," Luke ordered, pointing to the chair once again.

"You're really not going to let this drop, are you?" Jess questioned, crossing his arms.

"Not a chance in hell," he answered, keeping his expression stern, "Now, come on. The medications have been helping you."

Jess let out a reluctant sigh and let his arms fall. He made his way over to the table and sat down next to a satisfied Luke. The man wore a smile, knowing that he had won the battle.

He got up from his seat and went to the cabinet, grabbing out a box of Frosted Flakes.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself," Jess called from his seat, noticing the grin that had appeared on Luke's face, "I'm doing this because I don't want to feel like complete shit today, not cause of you." He let his elbows rest against the table and rubbed at his eyes. He had been feeling pretty down since he got up, but the fact that Luke had pushed the pills on him sent him into a fit of rage. He had been pissed at him for trying, yet again, to order him around.

Luke placed a bowl of cereal in front of his nephew and sat back down next to him. He watched as the kid began to eat, stuffing spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. He noticed the light circles under his nephew's eyes and his exhausted expression. He could tell the kid didn't really get that much sleep last night, which kind of surprised him. One of the medications he was taking was supposed to help that. Were they not working anymore or something?

"Jess," Luke started, causing the boy's eyes to shoot up towards him, "I know you're upset with me telling you not to see Jimmy--"

"Don't even start with that," Jess cut in, "I'm not listening to that dumb rule anyway." The kid sent a glare his uncle's way before settling his eyes back down on his cereal.

"Jess, for once, just hear me out," Luke said, watching with annoyance as his nephew rolled his eyes, "I just don't want you to get--"

"Shut up already, Luke!" The kid slammed his fists against the table, spoon clutched in one hand, "Just drop it," the kid calmed down somewhat, uncurling his fingers and dipping his spoon back into his cereal.

"Hope I'm not interrupting something," The voice of Lorelai Gilmore startled the two Danes'. She stood at the door, hand gripping the handle. Both sets of eyes travelled to the woman with matching curious looks. She gave the two a small smile and stepped farther into the apartment, "Um, Luke, I just thought you'd like to know that Kirk is trying to take over cooking duties from Caesar again."

"Wait, what!?" Luke stood up in his seat, "Kirk's trying to cook _again_?" This wasn't an odd occurrence for Luke. Kirk had apparently taken up watching the Food Network and decided he was fit to be a chef. He'd tried this earlier in the year, but thankfully Luke had gotten him out of the kitchen before any damage could be done, "I told him he couldn't cook in my kitchen."

"Yeah, I remember that," Lorelai nodded, grinning at the humorous memory. There was a sudden bang from below, causing three sets of eyes to travel to the floor, as if they could somehow see through the ground as to what was happening below, "I thought I should get you before any fighting could ensue or fires could start." The heard another bang, this time followed by curses from Caesar, scolding Kirk and trying to rid of the man.

"Better go take care of that before the place burns, Uncle Luke," Jess spoke up, a smirk on his face. He played with the cereal in his bowl, gliding his spoon through the milk and flakes, "Boy, people just don't seem to want to follow your rules, now do they?"

"Jess," Luke warned, pointing a stern finger in the kid's direction. A loud bang and the deafening roar of Caesar's name calling caused Luke to curse. "Shit," he mumbled. He started his way over to the door, Lorelai already heading out and down the stairs to watch and catch up on what she had missed. "You take your pills, got it?"

"Got it, Uncle Luke," he stood up and headed over to the counter, popping open the cap of a random bottle. He turned his head and held up the open bottle, assuring his uncle that he'd take the pills.

Another bang was heard from below, and the pained scream of Kirk could be heard. When people invaded Caesar's kitchen space, he tended to get a little violent, especially in the mornings. Luke rushed his way down the stairs, heading into the chaos that ensued bellow, in his diner.

Once the footsteps of his uncle could no longer be heard on the stairs, and the loud roar of his lumberjack lungs could be heard bellowing out orders to Kirk, Jess placed the cap back on the pill bottle and put it back in place. He wasn't taking the pills, he was done with that. Luke could shove those bottle up his ass for all Jess cared. He was determined to be normal, and even though he was pretty sure that flashback was caused by not taking the pills, he still wasn't going to take them. The odds of that happening again were slim anyway. He'd been fine.

* * *

"Mariano, come on, get in the game!" Coach Sanders yelled from across the field.

They stood in the field behind the school, a game of soccer being played out between a few competitive players. Jess stood near the far end of the field, close enough to somewhat pretend he was playing, but far enough away from the action.

"No thanks, I'm fine right here," he replied dryly, arms crossed. He was exhausted, and the whole half awake thing just was not working for him. He wanted to just collapse were he was and lay down. Standing upright and still was a nuisance, but so was a lot of things lately. Like his uncle, for example. Going on and on about how he should stay away from Jimmy and about how he should take his medications. Every damn morning, he'd hear the same stupid question._ "Did you take you medications?" _God, it was just driving him insane!

He watched as the ball was weakly dribbled across the field, many of the students missing the ball completely as they kicked, other barely hitting it. Gym was just a show of how much the average kid sucked at sports. No one who was playing really had any skill with it, and the goals practically seemed to be hit in by accident. Hell, even the damn goalie kicked the ball in by mistake two times already. The best thing to do is just avoid the ball and stay out of the game. There was no need to play when you already know you suck.

"Mariano!" Coach Sanders yelled once again. Jess snapped his head in the direction of the call, and instead of finding himself staring at an angry coach, he was staring straight at a black and white ball. Before he could dodge out of the way, the ball hit him square in the cheek with a strong force, causing him to stumble back, almost falling completely down.

A loud whistle was blown and the game was put in a stand still. Coach Sanders started to make his way hurriedly across the field.

"Who the hell kicked that ball?!" Jess growled, holding his cheek, pain pulsating annoyingly across it. His head was killing him from the sudden impact, but that wasn't going to stop him from beating the kid who had kicked the thing straight at his face senseless.

When all the other students slowly turned their gazes towards the culprit, Jess clenched his free hand into a fist. It was Chuck Presby. The kid had a smirk on his face as he tried to contain his laughter. "You think this is funny?!" Jess accused, making his way over to the kid, "Well, you won't be laughing once I'm through with you!"

Chuck was already coming towards him, fists at full swing. Jess pulled up his fist and readied himself to punch, but was pulled back by a set of arms.

"Mariano, don't add another fight to your record!" Coach Sanders was holding him back, while a group of students were holding back Presby. Jess tried to fight his way free. He had had it with this stupid town, he was done with all of this. He was done with the apologetic looks, the annoying denizens, and his stupid uncle! He wanted Liz to be alive still, he wanted to be back in New York, he wanted his old life back. He just wanted things to be normal again!

"Mariano," Coach pulled him off to the side of the field. He had calmed himself down somewhat, panting a little from the exertion of energy. He was suddenly exhausted again, and the violent rage he had just been filled with was gone. Now he just felt like crap again, "Go to the nurse and get yourself checked out, your nose is bleeding pretty badly."

Jess instinctively wiped a finger under his nose, surprised to see the crimson red that covered his finger. Coach looked around for a minute, "Kim!" he called, causing the dark haired girl to look up, "Take Mariano to the nurse."

Lane nodded and jogged her way over to the two. She was surprised to find that Jess wasn't trying to start his fight with Chuck Presby again. A second ago his was filled with rage, but now, he just looked exhausted. It was like he had gone through a complete mood swing in two seconds flat.

Lane and Jess made their way off the field, Jess holding his nose shut with two fingers. They made their way into the hallway, the quiet making the walk even more tense.

"Chuck Presby's a jerk," Lane spoke up, trying to break the silence, "He did that purposefully." She had witnessed the kick, he had aimed straight for Jess. He was lost in thought and Chuck knew it would be a good way to get payback for the fight they had had earlier that year.

"No shit," Jess almost let out a snort, but refrained, remembering the blood that was still trying to gush its way out of his closed nostrils, "I hate that kid."

"Well, at least you know the feeling is mutual," she stated with a smile. She watched as a small smile appeared on his face for a brief moment, but as quickly as it came, it went.

Lane studied his injuries from afar as they walked, noting the bright red that colored his left cheek. That would definitely leave a bruise. There's no way a hit that hard wouldn't. His nose seemed to have ceased its heavy flow of blood, Jess had released his bloodied hand and let it fall to his side. Blood had stained his gym shirt, specks seeped deep in the gray fabric. It was pretty disgusting to see, but that's what happens when somebody kicks a soccer ball into your face.

"So," Lane started, getting Jess' attention once more as they turned the corner, "Rory told me she heard Luke and her mother talking at one in the morning yesterday." Jess looked over towards the girl, the statement attracting his attention, and raised an eyebrow, "They mentioned something about your father, Jimmy. Well, that's what she said. We met at the diner this morning, Mama Kim was driving me insane and--"

"You can stop rambling now," Jess cut in, holding his bloodied hand up to her, motioning for her to cease, "My father's in town," he confirmed, "that's all. Luke must have felt the need to spread the great news." Lane noticed the clear sarcasm that dripped through his voice, "Even though he doesn't want me seeing him."

"Wait," Lane looked over at him, bemused, "Why doesn't Luke want you to see your father?"

"Because, apparently, he's going to do me no good. He's _bad news_," Jess sounded rather irked as he spoke, "Who is he to tell me that? Luke's being completely unreasonable."

"You shouldn't listen to him," Lane stated, shaking her head, "You should spend some time with him, he's your father." They turned the corner, spotting the door to the nurse's office.

"I was already planning on it," he told her, putting a quick hand up to his nose, checking to see if it had started to bleed again. When they reached the door to the nurse's office, the two stopped and Jess started up talking once again, "You said you liked David Bowie, right?"

Lane nodded excitedly, "I love David Bowie. Especially his album _The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars, _it's absolutely--"

"Yeah," Jess nodded, "That was a great album." He paused for a moment, before continuing, "You know what confuses me? That fact that someone like you could be the spawn of someone like your parents."

"Yeah," she agreed, "I have a feeling I was dropped on their doorstep or something."

Jess let out a laugh and nodded, "That may be the case."

"So," Lane started, "I guess I should get back to the Coach Sanders, inform him of your safe arrival to the nurse's office and all."

"Yeah," he nodded, watching her take a few steps back towards where they had come from, "I'll see you next gym class then."

"Yeah," she nodded, "See you." The girl turned around and made her way down the hall.

Jess watched her walking, thinking to himself. His hand grasped the handle to the door and opened it slightly. She reminded him so much of someone, but he just couldn't think of who it was. The taste in music, the defiance, the rebellion. It reminded him so much of someone he knew, but it just wouldn't come to him.

When she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight, it finally struck him. The person Lane reminded him of, the person he'd been trying to think of, was Liz.

Lane was like just like a teenage Liz. He'd heard stories about Liz's teenage rebellion when he was older. They were mostly used in lectures when he did something similar. He always thought it was hypocritical for her to be scolding him when she did things far worse than he, back then and right then. He never did coke, he never tried heroin. He'll he remembered a time when she was shooting up right in front of him while scolding him for getting caught drinking. God, his mother had been a mess... All those drugs and look at where she ended up? Look at what she did to him? Dammit, why couldn't she be a different mother? Why couldn't she be clean and sober? Why couldn't she be still here? He'd give anything, _anything _to have her back. To have back the normalcy that he had when she was alive. Damn his mother and her selfishness, damn her.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading, and I hoped you enjoyed it.

I felt the need to put Lane in more, and I can assure you she'll be back again.

Jimmy and Jess bonding coming up next chapter, and I'll try to get that up as soon as I can. School is starting tomorrow so it depends on how much work I get this week.

For now, please, please, _please_ review! Knowing people actually like this story and read it helps me get more of it written and edited.

:)


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter, it's been helping get through editing 4,000 word chapters like this :)

* * *

Jess pushed open the door to the near empty diner and slid inside. School had just let out, and the crowds would soon be heading in. Thankfully, he wasn't working that day, and the crowds would distract Luke as he made his escape to meet Jimmy out front. He had the whole thing planned to make sure Luke wouldn't come out and interfere. He'd head out a few minutes earlier, catch Jimmy before he made it across the street to the diner, and quickly make their way as far away from the facility as possible. He knew if Luke caught even a glimpse of Jimmy, the lumberjack would storm out and make some sort of scene. Luke wasn't great at controlling his anger when it came to anything that had to do with Liz.

Luke appeared from the back of the diner, a rag slung around his shoulder. His eyes suddenly fell on his fleeing nephew, who seemed to be quickly making his way over to the stairs. A flash of yellow and purple that was splattered on his cheek quickly caught Luke's attention.

"Jess!" He called, causing the boy to come to a halt, stopping right near the curtain, his hand holding the fabric aside, legs about to step behind it.

The boy let out a sigh and let the sheet fall back over the doorway. He turned to face his uncle and crossed his arms, "What?"

Luke made his way closer to his nephew, his eyes glued to the bruised cheek. When he reached the kid, he quickly grasped his chin and pushed it to the side, giving him a better view of the wounded area. "Jess," he let out a sigh as the boy quickly pushed his hand away, "who'd you get into a fight with?"

"Oh, so just cause I get a bruise means_ I_ started a fight," he crossed his arms again and rolled his eyes. Luke always assumed that he was the one who would start a fight. Even though in most occasions that fact would be true, he hated how Luke just assumed it had to be him, and that there was no other reason he'd end up with a bruise.

"Jess-"

"I got a soccer ball kicked in my face," he cut off his uncle with an irritated tone, "I've got witnesses, if you'd like me to round them up for you, you can get a testimony from each and every one of them."

"Really?" Luke questioned. It was hard to believe that his nephew got a nasty bruise from a soccer ball, the kid didn't even play sports. True, he had gym, but he had always imagined Jess as the kid who would sit out or just stand there, pretending he was playing from as far away as possible.

"Yes, Luke, really," the boy rolled his eyes, "Chuck Presby kicked one at me while we were in gym today." Luke stood for a moment, pondering over whether his nephew was telling him the truth or not. "You didn't get a call from any angry parents or the school, did you?" Jess added, "So that means I'm telling the truth."

That was true, Luke thought. He would have had a call by now...

"I'm going to head out," Jess spoke up, hand grasping the fabric once again, making an opening for him to go through. "I don't work today."

With that, Jess quickly made his way up the stairs as Luke called after him, "I'd put some ice on that, alright Jess..." when he didn't get a response he tried again, "Jess?"

Luke then knew his advice had been completely ignored and listened as the door slammed open, hitting the wall slightly. Jess alway tended to bang up his walls, even if he wasn't angry. Luke turned back to the diner and noticed the costumers that had suddenly begun to appear. Tables were being filled quickly and customers were waiting patiently for their orders to be taken. Luke let out a sigh and placed the rag slung on his shoulder under the counter. It was time for the after school rush to begin.

* * *

Jess sat on a bench parked out of the eye sight of the packed diner, eyes scanning passerby's, looking for the somewhat familiar face of his estranged father. He felt is body trembling a bit, much to his displeasure. Another side effect of not taking those stupid pills. He knew he only had about two weeks till this thing would develop into PTSD, but he'd get over it before then. With or without those stupid pills. He refused to be like this for any longer than he had to be, and his body and mind better listen to him on that. He would not be plagued by Liz any longer. He needed to be okay again, he wanted to get on with his life.

The familiar face finally caught his eye, snapping him quick out of his mind rant. Jimmy was making his way over to him, a bemused expression gracing his features.

"I thought we were meeting in front of the diner," Jimmy pointed out as he arrived next to his son. The boy shut the hefty book that was being held open by his thumb and stood up. Jimmy noticed the boy's body was shaking slightly, but he decided not to bring it up. Maybe it was nerves or something? He didn't know, but he didn't want to make this whole thing anymore nerve raking for his son than it already was.

"Luke's not to keen on me seeing you," he told his father, stuffing the book in his back pocket, "Hell, he strictly ordered me_ not_ to see you."

"Well, your uncle's never been a big fan of mine," Jimmy stated, "he paid me a little visit last night to send that message clearly."

"Yeah, I know," Jess said as the two began walking, heading in a direction that was as far away from Luke as possible, "I was up when he got back."

"Really?" Jimmy asked, surprised, "You were up that late?"

"I haven't been sleeping well lately," Jess gave a simple shrug and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He felt the eyes of familiar townsfolk falling on them as the passed. He knew they were all wondering who Jimmy was and all probably still thinking words of pity and sorrow for him. He didn't care though. He didn't care what they thought and they deserved no explanation. They needed to learn to butt out of other peoples business.

"So," Jess started up again, "what's the plan here?" he pulled out a cigarette and placed it in between his lips, "Not that I don't _love _wandering around the town square in perfect sight of Luke's and all," He lit the end of the stick and watched the embers burn, "What are we going to do?"

"I was thinking we could go get some dinner or something," Jimmy suggested, watching as his son--underage son--took a drag from his cigarette. For some odd reason, he wanted to swipe the cancer stick out of his son's mouth and began a long scolding over the terrible consequences of smoking. He knew that would be extremely hypocritical though, since he himself smoked half a pack a day on occasion. He felt this strange urge to be authoritative and parental to the boy. Well, he thought, Jess _was_ his son, and even though the feeling was rather foreign to him, he understood why it was lurking.

"Al's Pancake World is a pretty good bet," Jess told his father, taking another long draw from his stick, pleased to feel his body start to relax and the tremors to begin to cease, "Luke won't be anywhere near there, and I'll be able to get back in time without any suspicions on Luke's part." He had planned out an exact time for when he should get home, knowing himself rather well, he knew his wandering Stars Hollow--before Liz's death--usually stated around now and ended around eight. Taking in the fact that lately this town has been driving him to his limits, and that Luke knew he was trying to avoid most of the town's population, he would end up staying out till around six or five before he couldn't take the pity and sorrow that seemed to shine through each neighbors eyes as he walked by.

"What is that?" Jimmy questioned as the turned the corner, "Like an International Pancake House or something?"

"No," Jess shook his head, "they don't even serve pancakes there. It's the competitor to Luke's place," Jess felt a tinge of guilt for going to Luke's rival for food, but the man brought it on himself. If he was going to be such an overprotective tyrannical bastard than he'd have to deal with the consequences, "They have international cuisine or something," he added with a shrug, "I don't really go there though, since my uncle owns the other diner in town."

"So, it's called Al's Pancake World even though they don't even have pancakes?" Jimmy asked, bemused by the simple fact.

"Yep," Jess confirmed with a nod.

"That's insane," Jimmy commented, causing his son to let out a small laugh.

"This town _is_ a looney bin, if you haven't already noticed," Jess stated with a smile, taking another puff from his cigarette.

"Do you not like it here?" Jimmy questioned, turning his gaze towards his son.

"No, I like it here..." he paused for a moment, letting his mind ponder the thought for a bit longer, "I mean, sometimes I like it here," he clarified, "living with Luke has been good, much better than living with Liz," his mind was breaching the territory of old memories of his life before Stars Hollow and his life with Liz. The thoughts of drugs and booze and beatings left him with a feeling of distaste for his past and a feeling of anger towards his father, "You should have been there," he stated, voice soft but stinging, "I needed a father."

Jimmy didn't know what to saw, his mind could not come up with a combination of words that could make up for all the times he should have been there or make everything better. There was no sentence that could fix what had been done. The kid deserved so much better than the two parents he ended up with, Jimmy knew that, and he just wished that he or Liz could have tried harder.

"I don't mean to make you feel guilty or anything," Jess spoke up, almost timidly. He took out another cigarette and lit it with the end of the butt of the old one. He inhaled deeply then exhaled a cloud of misty smoke, "You had your reasons, I guess."

"My reasons weren't good enough," he confessed as they turned the street corner, Al's Pancake World coming into their field of vision, "I was a selfish kid then, and I probably always will be."

"It's alright," Jess told his father, a feeling of awkwardness slowly creeping over them. The conversation had grown incredibly uncomfortable for him as well as his father--he was assuming--and he had never been into having these odd apologetic family moments, "Liz was selfish too." He knew that last statement probably added to the sting, but it was true. Liz and Jimmy were so incredibly alike in that sense, those two were truly made for each other. It was a shame things hadn't worked out though, then he would have had two selfish kids there to raise him instead of one. He would have liked that more than anything.

Jess noticed that his trembling had started up once again, the calm that the cigarettes had brought him quickly vanishing as they made their way to the end of the awkward conversation and to the door of the rival diner.

Jess paused to finish his cigarette, Jimmy watching from his side. He watched the kid exhale a cloud of smoke from his shaking body, "When did you start smoking?" he inquired, watching as his son's eyes fell on him.

"About three or four years ago," he estimated with a shrug of his shoulders, "I can't remember exactly, but around then." He thought it was odd for Jimmy to be asking that question, but a break from the palpable awkward tension that filled the air around them was a welcoming idea to Jess.

"Your mother never tried to stop you?" Jimmy asked, watching as Jess tapped the ash off of the end of the burning stick.

"No," he answered as he took a drag, "She would have been a hypocrite if she did. She did far worse than I did, along with her chain smoking habits." Thinking about Liz and her drug use really left Jess with an uneasy feeling. It always made his mind wonder to how he found her that night, the dirty needles that littered the coffee table in their apartment... He took an almost frantic drag, trying to suck in the smoke quick, feeling that it would somehow cloud his mind and make those images turn into misty blurs.

"I would be too," he stated with a smile, pulling out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket; a half full pack of Marlboro Reds. Jess let his lips curl into a small smile as he noticed the brand. They smoked the same cigarettes. That old saying was true; Like father like son.

"Seems the whole family shared a liking to same brand of cigarettes," Jess pointed out as he finished the remains of his cigarette. Liz smoked Marlboro Reds as well. Hell, he had gotten his first cigarette from her pack. She didn't really care, or maybe she just didn't notice.

Jimmy gave a small smile at the fact. It wasn't actually a good thing, the fact that his seventeen year old son smoked the same brand as his mother and his father, but it was somewhat amusing that they all preferred the same kind.

Jess let the butt of his cancer stick fall to the ground and stomped it out with the heel of his shoe. Making his way over to the door, he turned his head and motioned with his hand, "Guess we should go in now?"

Jimmy nodded and followed his son, letting the boy lead the way into the diner. They were quickly seated at a table by a hostess and left to figure out what they wanted. Father and son both scanned the menu, taking in the odd food that littered the paper. After a few minutes, the two decided on their orders and told the waiter, who quickly hurried off to the kitchen.

An awkward silence fell over the two, Jess trying to keep himself occupied by fiddling with a loose string on his shirt while Jimmy adjusted his position in his seat repeatedly. Neither knew what to say to start up another conversation, and Jess was focusing more on trying to get his body to cease its tremors than come up with a conversation starter. He felt like everyone was watching his body shake, like he was some sideshow freak. Though the likelihood that the _whole_ diner was watching was rather slim, the fact that his shaking was noticeable left him feeling that way.

Jimmy had caught on to the tremors, turning a studying gaze towards his son. He had noticed it before and thought to dismiss it as nerves, but he realized now that that was a stupid thing to have done. His son didn't seem that nervous, and most people don't get tremors when their nervous. "Jess," he caught the boy's attention quickly, the kid's brown eyes snapping up to meet his, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Jess responded, adjusting his position ins his seat, "I'm fine," he assured his father. He wasn't about to delve into why he was shaking. He wasn't going to tell Jimmy about the Acute Stress Disorder and he wasn't about to tell Jimmy about what had happened the night of Liz's death. Jimmy didn't need to know that he had found her lying on the ground, Jimmy didn't need to know about any of that.

"Are you sure?" Jimmy questioned.

"Yeah," Jess assured with a nod. He quickly thought up a topic to distract Jimmy from his tremors and blurted out the question, "What do you do for a living?" It wasn't exactly the most interesting topic to Jess, but he needed something to break the ice and get Jimmy's thoughts somewhere else other than his shaking form.

"I own a hot dog stand down in Venice Beach," he told his son with a smile, "Hence the title the 'hot dog king,'" He let out a small chuckle, "I told Liz that I had wanted to own a hot dog stand near a beach one day and she dubbed me the 'hot dog king'." The memory was a pleasant one for Jimmy. He remembered the day rather well. The two were lying lazily in bed on a Saturday morning. Jimmy's parents had been out of town and Liz had come over. It had been their first time, the night they had conceived Jess, now that he thought about it. After a pleasant sleep the two had woken up, Liz smiling cheerfully, her strawberry blonde hair a mess, but still looking as beautiful as ever. She was smoking a Marlboro Red, clutched between two slender fingers. _"What do you think you'll be doing in ten years?" _She had asked as she took a drag, cuddling up into the nook of his shoulder. He had responded quick and easy with a grin, "_I'll be down in Venice Beach with my own hotdog stand, surfing whenever I pleased and getting high whenever I felt like it." _Liz had let out a giggle at this, and moved closer into him, _"And I'll be there with you." _She told him with the brightest smile. _"Yes," _Jimmy's expression had matched hers as he kissed her forehead, _"You will."_

"You always pictured your career as a hot dog vendor?" Jess questioned, snapping Jimmy out of his reverie. The kid took a sip of his soda, waiting patiently for an answer.

"Yeah," he nodded, thoughts wandering back to that night once again, "I always imagined that as my career." It was true that his dream life had come true, but Liz had not been a part of it. The weeks after that lazy morning that they laid in bed Liz had found out she was pregnant. That's when life hit Jimmy smack in the face. The image of his dream was shattered at the news that he had a kid on the way. He wasn't ready, and he knew now he never would have been.

"Did you know what Liz wanted to be?" Jess inquired, after a long pause. He had always wondered what his mother had imagined her life would be like before he had come in and ruined it. He had wanted to ask his mother when he was younger, but the fear that she'd smack him one for even bringing up always scared him away from it. There was no way he could have asked, _"Hey mom, did you always want to work a strip club or did you have other plans for your life?" _without feeling the sting of a hard slap to the had worked many jobs over the years--a bartender, waitress, striper, clerk--and none of them really struck Jess as he first choice in career.

"No," Jimmy shook his head, his lips forming a small frown, "All she wanted was to be with me."

Jess simply nodded and fiddled with the straw in his drink. The conversation had gotten incredibly awkward and tense at that last statement. Jess couldn't help but feel that it was his fault that things didn't work out for Liz and Jimmy. He had gotten in the way of things; a kid being forced upon a couple who were still kids themselves. Maybe if he had not been born things would have ended up perfect for Liz and Jimmy. Maybe they would have run off together and lived a wonderful life in Venice Beach. Maybe she'd still be alive.

Once their food had arrived, the two began to gobble down each bite. Jess had a strict time to be back at Luke's, and that hour was growing nearer. They made small chat throughout their eating, something that neither Jess nor his father was good at, but felt had to be done. Liz popped into the conversation a lot, but most of the time Jess tried to steer clear of the topic. It made him uneasy, and Jimmy started to pick up on that, thankfully. The last image of Liz, lying on the apartment floor, pale with eyes glazed over, always popped into his mind whenever she was brought up. He hated that she still plagued him like this, he wanted to move on but there was just something still holding him back in that moment. He'd figure out what it was sooner or later, he hoped.

Once the two had cleared their plates, Jimmy paid for the bill (insisting that the dinner was all on him even though Jess had made a move to pull out his wallet) and the two exited the diner, stepping out into the twilight. They stood silent for a minute, Jess quickly stuffing his hand in his pocket and pulling out a fresh cigarette.

"Do you want to do something on Saturday?" Jimmy questioned as Jess brought the flame of his lighter to the end of the stick. The boy looked up at him, then back down to his cigarette to check if it had lit. He took a drag a nodded.

"Yeah," he wouldn't show it, but the thought that his father wanted to actually spend time with him made him feel incredibly overjoyed. Liz had never been one to do much with him as he got older--not that he wanted to hang out with his drugged up mother anyway--and he had always felt like his family didn't really care for him. There was Luke, of course, his uncle would always be there for him and did like to show he cared. Luke didn't know how much he appreciated everything the man had been doing for him, and someday he hoped to tell him. The fact that one of his parents actually wanted to spend time with him though, was a new and foreign thing that made him feel a little better about his family. There was still some hope to fix his small dysfunctional family, not completely, but a bit.

Jimmy gave him a smile, "I'll meet you at the same bench then, same time?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Jess nodded as he took a drag. "I'll be there."

The two stood awkwardly for a moment, Jimmy looking as if he was contemplating something as Jess watched him with a sideways glance, inhaling and exhaling smoke. Jimmy finally made a move, grasping his son into a somewhat awkward hug. Jess was a little taken back by the foreign grasp, his hands hanging down at his sides, cigarette embers dropping occasionally onto his shoe. He had never been hugged by his father before, nor had he ever been hugged often by his mother.

When Jimmy finally released his grip, he slid back awkwardly, giving his son a smile, "Sorry, I just--I've never--"

"It's fine," Jess told his father. True, the hug had been somewhat uncomfortable, but it was his long lost _father_ who had hugged him. That excused the awkwardness completely. He'd never been hugged by his father before.

"Today has been pretty awkward," Jimmy stated with a smile. Jess' lips curled into a smile as well, cigarette in between them. "I enjoyed it though," Jimmy added, "I really did."

Jess nodded, smile still intact. He wasn't great with these family moments, he never had many, so he kept himself quiet. They always tended to make him feel uncomfortable.

"I'll see you Saturday, then," Jimmy said, waving as he departed, heading back to his motel room. Jess returned the wave before turning to head back to his uncle's. Checking the time on his watch, he was pleased to see he would be meeting his deadline perfectly.

* * *

Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed it!

I'll try to post the next chapter soon, but I can't promise anything. In the meantime,_ please_ review! I appreciate every single one!

:)


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual.**

Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter! I appreciate it so much! :)

* * *

The morning rush had packed into the diner and Luke was rushing to take orders and fill mugs. Jess was _supposed_ to be helping him, but the boy was still upstairs getting ready. He had let the kid sleep in a little longer, noticing that he seemed incredibly exhausted when he plopped onto his bed the night before. He and Jess were still on somewhat bad terms over the Jimmy issue, but Luke was standing his ground. So far, even though Jess said he'd see Jimmy whether Luke said he could or not, Luke had not seen the kid with Jimmy once. He was hoping that Jess was following his rule, but knowing his nephew's philosophy--that rules were made to be broken--it may not be likely.

Luke made his way over to a table occupied by the two blue-eyed Gilmores who were chatting quite cheerfully while taking sips of coffee, "It's Friday, Luke," Lorelai spoke as she noticed the somewhat dull expression that graced the man's features, "smile. We can have another late night meeting. I'll supply you with the rocks."

"Sounds great," Luke responded with a roll of his eyes as he poured coffee into Lorelai's mug.

"What?" Rory questioned, bemused, "Did I miss something?" She looked from her smirking mother to the annoyed diner owner, waiting for someone to explain to her what she had missed out on.

The patter of footsteps caused the three to look towards the curtain, watching as the fabric was pushed aside and Jess appeared. He made a quick right and grabbed up a coffee pot filled with the warm brew, then made his way over to Luke and mumbled a weak apology.

"Sorry I'm late," he told his uncle before quickly moving over to another table and filling up an impatient customer's mug. Luke finished filling Rory's mug and followed the boy to behind the counter.

"Did you take--"

"Dammit Luke, yes, I took them," Jess cut him off quick with a wind of fury, "Why do you always have to ask me that?" It was true his uncle really did have good reason to ask him, since in reality he wasn't taking the pills anymore, but it still annoyed him that Luke always asked the same question every morning.

"I'm just making sure, that's all," Luke informed his nephew. He had a right to ask those questions, didn't he? He was in charge of the kid now and he had to make sure that he was taking his medications. Though his parenting skills weren't that great, he would make sure his nephew got better. He knew that the kid didn't want to deal with the pills any longer than he did, and he was just making sure to give him a friendly reminder to take them if he had forgotten.

"Well, I'm a big boy, Uncle Luke," he told the man as he checked the time, noting that he had about ten minutes before he had to head off to school, "I don't need you checking up on me. If I can get the child safety lids off the bottles, then I think I can handle it."

Luke gave a simple nod and watched as his nephew headed to a needy customer who had been holding up their mug impatiently. Luke walked in the opposite direction and took to taking orders.

Rory watched as her friend made his way around the diner, waiting for the boy to near her. She had wanted to talk to him since he got down the stairs. They needed to discuss Rand and Hemmingway. As he reached an area close enough to her, she called out to him.

"Jess," she called with a smile, causing the boy to turn his gaze her way, "Come here," she motioned with her hand. Lorelai took that as her cue to leave and stood up from her seat. "I'll see you later," she told her daughter with a smile as Jess came up to the two, "bye Jess," she added as she made her way over to the door and exited the diner.

"So," Rory started, leaning her elbows against the table, "_The Fountainhead? _How's it coming?" She smiled as she noticed the look Jess gave her at the mention of the book. He looked somewhat peeved and somewhat pained.

"It's coming," he told her, "slowly, but it's coming along." He gave her a smile, "You're lucky that you got a shorter book by Hemmingway. He's great and involves no pain to read."

She snorted as her grin grew wider, "Well, for you it may not be painful," she explained as she took a sip from her mug, "but for me, it is."

"Hemmingway is not painful," Jess protested with a smirk, "you want painful, we can switch books and _you _can read _The Fountainhead._"

"No," she shook her head, "you've got to finish it. I'm working hard to make it through Hemmingway and I'm almost done so you've got to work hard to make it through Rand." She paused for a moment, before continuing, "If you need any help to get yourself through it," she added with a smile, "give me a call, I can help you to get through it."

"Oh really?" Jess inquired with a smirk as he slid into the chair across from her, "And how, exactly, will you do that?" He leaned in closer to her, elbows resting against the table, the same as hers.

Rory quickly backed away, cheeks beat red, "I'll--I'll just help you get through scenes that you find hard to read."

Jess continued to smirk as he watched her cheeks began to fade back to her pale tone and leaned back, "Well, be expecting a lot of calls then, cause I have a feeling this whole book will be a scene that I find hard to read."

"It's not as painful as you're making it out to be," she insisted with a grin, "trust me."

Luke made his way up to the two chatting teens and laid a hand on his nephew's shoulder, "Although I'm truly grateful for all this _help_ you've been giving me this morning, Jess," he jibed, causing the boy to turn his head to look up towards the man with a smirk, "you've better get going or you'll be late for school."

"Wouldn't want that, now would we?" he mocked his uncle as he stood up from his seat, giving Rory a grin as he made as way to the door.

"Remember, you're working the afternoon shift today," he reminded his nephew as the boy made his way over to the door.

Jess turned as he grasped the door handle and gave his uncle a nod, "And I'm just itching with excitement," With that, the boy turned the handle and walked out into the bright Friday morning.

* * *

Jess tapped the end of his pencil rhythmically against the wood of the table, keeping a rhythm as he read. He sat in the school library during his study hall, forcing himself to continue his lengthy quest through the novel, _The Fountainhead. _He was now on page three-hundred and fifty, and the story plot seemed to be growing slower than faster. He just couldn't get into Ayn Rand. The story didn't catch his interest. He was going to keep his end of the deal though, he was going to get through this, somehow...

"That's one of Rory's favorites," A voice whispered, causing Jess to look up from the page. Lane had slid into the seat adjacent from his, binder clutched in her hands. She let it rest on the table as she smiled, "I was never one for reading lengthy books like that." She told him, adjusting her glasses.

"Well, trust me, with Ayn Rand, you're not missing out," he shut the book and let his pencil fall onto the table.

She looked at him, bemused, "Then why are you reading it?" she inquired.

"Rory and I made this deal," he began to explain as Lane's grin grew wider, "She was going to read Hemmingway and I was going to try to read Rand." He looked back down to his book, "She got off with the easier one though. Hemmingway is great, Rand is like being tortured."

"You're going through all that pain for Rory," she smiled at him. She knew Jess really liked her best friend, and the fact that he'd go through something that he considered near torture for her was something Lane found cute. She liked Jess, but then again, she liked Dean too. It was hard to choose between the two, but then again, it wasn't her decision, it was Rory's. Rory was questioning things now though. Lane and her had discussed it once over the phone a few days ago. She finally admitted that she had some feelings towards Jess, but she still had feelings for Dean too. It was turning out to be quite a dilemma for her, but Lane knew for now she'd stay with Dean. She felt as if what Jess needed in her right now was a friend, and if anything more was to ever happen, it would have to come later. Lane secretly hoped for more to grow between the two, but felt terrible for even letting the thought cross her mind. Dean wasn't a bad guy, he was quite nice, to be honest, but Jess just seemed like a perfect match for her friend, plus his taste in music was superb.

"We made a deal," he responded with a shrug, "she doesn't like Hemmingway but she's pulling through it." If it had been anybody else he would have said no to that deal, he knew that, but he just couldn't say no to Rory. That smile and those eyes quickly took the word no out of his vocabulary.

Lane nodded and rested her arms on the table. She opened her notebook as she noticed the glare that was being sent her way by their teacher and pretended to start on her homework. "So," she started, keeping her eyes on the notebook, "Rory snuck me a Black Flag album a few days ago," she started, Jess instantly perking up at the mention of the band, "Mama Kim considers all rock music evil and would never let me buy an album, so Rory sneaks them in to me."

Jess smiled and began to fiddle with his pencil, "You know," he started, tapping the eraser lightly against the table, "you really remind me of my mother." He told her, keeping his eyes focused on the pencil end, "You two are so similar. You share the same taste in music and the same disapproving parents." From what Liz had told him about his grandparents, they apparently weren't big fans of rock music and put a lot of restrictions on both her and Luke. That caused the two of them to be quite deviant as teenagers. Liz more than Luke, though. Luke rarely did anything as defiant as Liz.

Lane sat quiet for a moment, staring down at her notebook and the pen in her hand, "Do you miss her a lot?" she asked. She quickly felt that that had been a stupid question to ask. Of course he missed his mother, she was his mother. Even Lane would miss her strict mother if she died. Even though you don't get along with your parents doesn't mean you don't love them.

Jess simply nodded and opened his book back up and slowly began to tap his pencil against the wood once again.

Lane looked down at the empty lined paper of her notebook for a moment, before popping her head back up to speak, "What bands did your mother like?" she asked, causing the boy to stop his tapping and look up to meet her gaze.

After a pause, he spoke, "Deep Purple, The Ramones, Adolescents, The Beatles, Bob Dylan," He looked back down at his book with a smile, "Her favorite was David Bowie, though." David Bowie had ended up one of his favorites too, oddly enough.

"The only thing my mother ever did that was good for me," he informed his friend with a small smile, "was introduce me to those bands." He remembered the days that Liz would play him David Bowie and The Beatles when he was just a young kid. They would sit in their musty old apartment and listen to her collection. The odd thing was, whenever they listened to David Bowie, he'd sometimes catch her crying. He didn't understand why. He had asked her once and she answered with a broken cry, _"Because of Jimmy."_ He didn't know what Jimmy and David Bowie shared, but something about him always brought her to tears. She played Bowie often though, even if it reminded her of Jimmy. Maybe she liked the reminder, maybe the memory she was thinking about was a good one. He'd never know though. Once he neared the double digits in age she stopped playing her music as often. Instead, she'd leave him in the apartment alone and go out for hours. There would always be a man with her when she returned. Sometimes the same as the night before, sometimes a new one.

Lane smiled at that. From all the terrible things that she had heard rumored about Jess' mother, at least she gave him a good thing. The two looked up at the sound of footsteps and watched as their stern teacher made her way over to their table.

"If I remember correctly," she whispered harshly, "this is study hall, and study hall does not involve social interactions." She looked from Lane to Jess then straightened up, adjusted her glasses, and crossed her arms.

"Sorry, Mrs. Anderson," Lane mumbled, turning her gaze to Jess. The boy wore a smirk as he let his book fall, thumb between the pages.

"Yeah, sorry Mrs. Anderson," he responded, "God forbid that two people talk, I mean, conversing is such a distraction from the learning process." He looked quickly over to Lane before opening his book once again. Their instructor gave a nod, choosing to ignore the kid's sarcasm, and turned on her heels. As she stalked off, Jess added, "Maybe you should learn to keep quiet more often, then the learning could really begin."

The woman stopped in her tracks, blood boiling. Mr. Mariano really knew how to get a teacher angry. She could never understand how his uncle dealt with a wise ass like him. She let her temper quickly fall though, remembering the recent death in his family. She felt bad about that, yes, and she had heard from the grapevine that the kid wasn't handling it well. As irritating as he could be, she still felt for him.

"Keep quiet, Mr. Mariano." she simply replied, stalking her way off to where she had sat before.

The two teenagers went to their work. Jess continued reading and tapping his pencil in a beat, louder this time to hopefully annoy his instructor even more, while Lane tried to start on her math homework. She could not get herself to concentrate though. Yesterday, while she had been outside searching for Rory, she had spotted the sight of Jess and an older man walking towards Al's Pancake World. She quickly guessed who it was and felt a sudden curiosity grow over her. She had been wanting to ask him how it went since the beginning of the period, but didn't know if she had the right to. After a minute of pondering whether to breach the subject or not, she decided to ask him.

"Jess," she whispered, eyes quickly glancing over to their teacher then back to her friend. He looked up from his book, "I saw you with Jimmy, I'm guessing, yesterday. How'd it go?"

He paused for a moment. He had been hoping no one would see him yesterday, in fear that they would tattle on him to Luke. Lane wouldn't do that though, so he had no reason to worry. "Good," he responded, pencil still pounding away, "It was a bit awkward, but other than that, it was fine."

Lane smiled as she noticed the smile that had appeared on his face. He barely ever smiled like that lately. The only other time she had seen that kind of smile on him was at the mention of Rory. The thought of his crush always seemed to brighten up his mood, she noted. The same smile appearing on his face now must have meant that things really went well yesterday, and his uncle's warnings weren't all truth. Though, Lane thought, he hadn't spent much time with the man yet, maybe Jimmy would end up being bad news. She did want to think the best for the sake of her new friend, but with Jess' family history, the odds of it turning out to be the best was very slim. She hoped that slim chance would apply to this situation.

She decided not to try to push anymore out of Jess about the day. He wasn't one for talking, and she could tell he was trying to get through that painfully long book for Rory as fast as he could get himself to, so she decided to get back to work. Her eyes quickly caught on to the nasty looking bruise that had formed on his cheek from Chuck Presby yesterday and winced. She hadn't expected it to leave that much of a bruise, but Chuck's kick _had_ been pretty hard.

Jess looked up from his book, noticing Lane's gaze. He knew she was looking at the bruise that had formed since yesterday and quickly smirked, turning his gaze back down to his book, "Chuck Presby's getting a matching one today in gym, don't worry," he turned the page and began to tap his pencil against the wood again, "I may suck at sports but I'm a pretty descent throw when it comes to dodgeball."

Lane let out a laugh at this, images of Jess slamming a hard, red ball straight into Chuck's face flashing through her mind.

"Jess, Lane!" They both turned their attention to their teacher, who had looked up from her grading, "Shh!" she put a finger up to her lips and glared at the two before picking up her red pen and continuing to mark off papers.

Jess and Lane went back to their work, both wearing matching smirks. The tapping of Jess' pencil began again, and continued till the end of class.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

Some Jess and Luke bonding next chapter, since there hasn't been any really since like three or four chapters ago.

I'll try to post as soon as possible, but in the meantime, please review! I'm getting lazy as I right the last few chapters of this, (there will be a little more than twenty, I believe) and I need some serious inspiration to write!

Thanks again for reading and please review!

:)


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Thank you all for the reviews for last chapter! I appreciate them all! Sorry if this chapter is not the best edited, being sick and trying to edit doesn't really work too well.

* * *

Luke stood in the back of the diner, flipping two burgers on the grill. He watched as they sizzled, the juices splattering around the rims of the beef patties. The day had quickly passed for the busy diner owner, customers sliding in and out as usual. The only difference in his schedule that day was the call he had gotten during the afternoon. He had been serving his usual batch of random customers that day and Kirk had been complaining about his sandwich--apparently there was not enough turkey on it by his standards. Although the thing was pretty much loaded with it, Kirk insisted that the _"miniscule"_ amount was not enough. The phone had begun ringing, cutting Kirk's rant short, much to Luke's pleasure. When he had answered, it was not a call he was happy to get from New York. The autopsy results were in, and the woman who examined his late sister's body was calling to inform him of the toxicity levels. They had not been sure exactly what she overdosed on, and when they asked Jess that night in the hospital, the kid didn't speak a word. He just looked straight at Luke with tired, dejected, eyes before turning his gaze back towards a wall he had been staring at before.

The woman on the phone informed him that his sister toxicity level was extremely high, which in cause lead to her death, and that they had been able to identify that a methamphetamine had been the drug that killed her. His sister had been shooting up meth. God, the thought that his baby sister was shooting up such a dangerous drug, and the thought that she had that stuff around his nephew for God knows how long, left him angered. That feeling lasted for the rest of the day, but was pushed aside quickly when costumers started piling in and Jess had returned from school. The kid worked his shift, this time without the constant condolences, though there had been a few here and there. His nephew handled them the way he had two days prior.

The boy was now upstairs and the diner was closed. He had decided to close a bit earlier than usual to make his nephew and himself some dinner and sit down to tell the boy about the call. His nephew had a right to know, he just had to find the best way to tell him.

Luke slid a spatula underneath the cooked burgers and threw them onto buns. After stacking lettuce, tomato, pickle, and onion onto his burger, he stacked cheese, lettuce and tomato on his nephew's, something he had memorized over the few months he had spent with the kid. He topped them both off with seeded buns and placed them in a to-go container. He scooped up two sides of fries and threw them into the boxes, shutting the tops and gathered the two containers into his arms.

Luke made his way out from the back, balancing the two boxes in his arms as he walked, and slid past the curtain and began his way up the stairs. He pushed the door open to find his nephew at the table, textbook open in front of him, notebook sitting to his left. The sight almost left Luke dumbfounded. Jess, _studying?_

The boy looked up from his textbook, noticing his uncle shuffling around with two white containers. The man wore a smirk as he made his way over, placing the two boxes on the table.

"You brought dinner," Jess stated, eyeing his uncle as he sat down.

"Yeah," he nodded with a smile, still trying to take in the image of his nephew with an open textbook in front of him, "You're doing your homework."

Jess glanced down at his textbook and his notebook before shrugging, "Yeah." He had pulled out the textbook about an hour ago, when he desperately needed a break from Ayn Rand. He knew he couldn't just sit around, that wouldn't do him any good; it would give his mind a chance to wander. So he opted to actually attempt his homework. It was odd, lately he'd been actually doing his schoolwork. If things were normal--which they would be soon, he'd make sure of that--he wouldn't be doing it at all.

"Wow," Luke commented with a grin, "This is good." This was better than good, he thought, this was great. Jess was actually working on something school related. It made Luke happy to see the boy caring about his education, "You doing your homework," Luke felt so satisfied with the fact, "My boy's getting himself an education," he teased with a smirk, grabbing the white box that contained his burger.

Jess quickly shut his textbook and pushed it aside, "Working on getting myself more of those shiny gold stars," he told his uncle with a matching grin as he grabbed the box that held his food. He flipped the top open to reveal his meal.

Luke stood up and made his way over to the fridge. He pulled out a beer for himself and a soda for his underage nephew. He placed the can in front of the kid who had already taken to devouring his burger, and made his way back over to his seat.

Luke flipped the top off of his box and stared down at his food. He picked up a fry and stuffed it in his mouth, eyes falling back on his nephew. The boy had taken a break from his burger and now was taking a sip from his opened soda. Luke was trying to figure out the best way to breach the topic of the autopsy. He knew it wasn't really the best dinner topic, and his nephew seemed to be somewhat happy at the moment. He barely saw his nephew smiling these days and he didn't want to spoil that. But he knew, if he didn't tell him now, he'd probably never. Jess needed to know, it was his mother.

"I got a call from New York today," Luke started, quickly grabbing the boy's attention at the words New York. The kid placed his soda back on the table and listened, "They told me the autopsy results." He paused for a moment, studying the boy's expression, who just stared blankly down at his food, before continuing, "She overdosed on meth."

Jess kept composed, showing no reaction. He knew it! He knew it had been meth. She had been messing around with that stuff for years, and he knew that one day it would kill her. He suddenly felt enraged, his hands tightening up into fists. He wanted to throw something, he wanted to tear apart the apartment again. God dammit, he knew this would happen someday, and Liz had been just too selfish to stop herself! He begged her to stop, he tried to hide the drugs, but nothing ever worked. All she ever cared about was herself and those stupid drugs.

"Jess," Luke got his attention once again, the boy's eyes snapping up quickly to meet his, "Did you--" He stopped himself, debating whether or not he should go on. After a moment of thought, he started up the question again, "Did you know she was doing it?"

"Of course I did," Jess told his uncle, "I lived with her, I watched her shot up for Christ's sake! Even if you didn't live with her you would know, her arms were covered in track marks." Jess' temper had quickly vanished and now the boy just sat there, not completely calm, but somewhat still. His body had taken up to shaking again, much to Jess' displeasure, something that hadn't happened since a day ago.

The thought that his nephew had witnessed his mother sticking a needle filled with drugs into her arm and watched her push down the plunger made Luke feel disgusted. Not just with Liz, but with himself. How had he not know about this, how had he not known his own sister was doing drugs, and doing them right in front of his nephew?

". . .The reason I had been out that night," Jess confessed, eyes meeting his uncle's for a flash of a second, "was to get away from it. Once I got old enough to go out late at night I usually made a dash for the door whenever I saw her cooking it up." If that night he had decided to stay, maybe, just maybe he could have called the paramedics in time, maybe she would have made it. There was so much he could have done to fix this, and he just wished he could have done it.

"Wait," Luke started, "When did she start using? How long ago?"

Jess looked down at his food that had gone untouched since Luke had brought up Liz. He had lost his appetite quickly. "I was about eleven the first time she shot up, I think." The boy shrugged and sunk down in his chair, eyes still focused on the table. He definitely remembered the first time she had done it, he had remembered watching her cook it up and load it into a needle. He was young then, and had no clue what it was. He remembered asking her what it was, and she had just told him it was medicine, that it would make her feel better. Jess wasn't even aware that she was sick. She then proceeded to flick at the veins in her arms until one was popped out enough to her liking, sticking the needle straight in. Jess watched as she pulled up on the plunger and blood mixed in with the contents of the vial, disappearing slowly as she pushed the plunger down and into her arm.

Luke felt himself getting nauseous. Liz had been doing that for six years then. . . Jess had lived with that for six years. Dammit, he cursed, he wished he had known, he wished he could have gotten his nephew out of there and gotten his sister some help! He could have fixed this years ago and then none of this would have happened. His nephew could have had a shot at a normal life and his sister could have fixed herself up. It was hard to believe that over all the years, all the visits that he had paid the two, that he had never noticed anything was up. Liz had done a good job at hiding her addiction, and Jess had done a good job at hiding it as well.

"I'm sorry I never noticed Jess," Luke spoke up, eyes falling on his nephew, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you or your mother back then."

Jess sat, unmoving, except for the involuntary trembling, slouched in his chair. At that moment, he wished he could somehow turn back time and go back to the many days he had opted to call his uncle. The times where Liz was so bad off that it scared him. He had always been able to dial the number, but he could never get himself to stay on the line long enough. Liz had always promised that she'd get clean, she always said she'd get off of it, for him. He'd believe her back when he was younger, and he'd take care of her when she'd try to go cold turkey. She'd lay there, aching and screaming, crying and shaking fiercely. She could never do it, she'd eventually get vicious and grab him when he'd try to make her stay in the apartment. She wanted drugs and he wouldn't get in her way. She tried going cold turkey so many times and it always ended the same way. Jess always got his hopes up for nothing. That's when he learned that thinking the worst caused him far less pain than thinking the best.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" Jess voice was barely above a whisper. He sat up in his seat and rested his elbows on the table.

"Yeah," Luke answered with a nod. The conversation had left both men with an uncomfortable feeling and Luke was ready to drop it, seeing how pained his nephew looked at the mention of it.

Luke almost went to bring up Jimmy, the looming suspicion that his nephew had, in fact, already meet up with him again surfacing in his mind. He knew he really had no right to tell Jess not to see Jimmy, but Luke was doing it for a good reason. Jimmy never brought good, and to be honest, he was afraid Jimmy was going to do something to take Jess away from him. He may have been jumping to conclusions, but he just had a feeling. Jimmy never brought any good with him. Suddenly, Luke noticed his nephew's shaking form, which quickly caught his attention and pushed any thoughts of Jimmy out his head.

"Jess," he called, the boy's eyes snapping up towards him, "You're shaking."

"No I'm not," the kid was quick to reply, eyes going wide at his uncle's accusation, "You're imagining things, Uncle Luke."

"No," Luke shook his head, eyes still studying his nephew, "You're really shaking." Jess fidgeted in his seat, finding his uncle's glare to be uncomfortable. He wished the man would just stop looking and drop the subject already, "I don't understand, the medication is supposed to stop that." Luke was confused. He remembered specifically that one of those pill bottles was subscribed to his nephew to help with physical symptoms. Why wasn't it working?

"Well maybe, Luke," the boy started, his voice raising with temper, "the stuff just, I don't know, wore off?!" Luke was a little surprised by his nephew's sudden mood swing.

"But it shouldn't--"

"Well it did," Jess cut his uncle off harshly, sending the man an angry glare, "Now, drop it Luke. I'll just take more tomorrow," the kid suddenly calmed and slumped back down in his chair, picking up a fry from his box, "then everything will be all peachy again." He popped the small stick in his mouth, eyes falling down towards his food yet again.

Luke watched as Jess ate, plopping fries in his mouth, still slouched back in his chair. The tremors shook his body lightly, but the boy seemed to act as if it wasn't an annoyance at all. He didn't get it. The pills should be stopping this, and although Jess seemed to stick to the story that the pills wore off, Luke wasn't buying it.

He made a mental note to check the pill bottles later, to see if his nephew was really still taking the pills. He hadn't seen the kid take them the past three days, but he thought Jess could handle opening a few bottles and swallowing pills. Apparently, that may not be the case.

Jess looked up towards his uncle and noticed the man's studying glance. The kid let out an irritated sigh, "Would you quit staring at me," he ordered, sitting up straight in his chair, "it's annoying."

"You want to watch a movie?" Luke suddenly blurted out. He felt the need to decrease the tension between the two of them and thought that maybe bonding over some film may help, "Your choice. Whatever you want to watch."

"So we can watch _A Clockwork Orange_ then?" Jess questioned, perking up at the idea of picking out the film. Luke had always been the one to pick out films for them to watch after the last time Jess picked. Turned out Luke wasn't a big fan of Grindhouse movies. The idea of being able to actually watch a movie that wasn't completely boring to him was rather appealing.

Luke let out a sigh and nodded his head, "Yeah," He knew that if Jess liked the movie, there had to be some sort of violence involved in it. Not that Luke wasn't up for violence in his movies, it was just that Jess' picks tended to be over the top with violence or horror. He was a teenager though, and that love for horror was to be expected.

"Alright then," the kid smiled, standing up from his seat, "I'll meet you by the TV."

With that, Jess walked off, grabbing the DVD from his side of the apartment and heading over to the couch, awaiting his uncle and imagining the reactions he knew Luke was sure to have once the flick began.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading!

Next chapter: Jimmy and Jess bonding, as well as a little scene with Rory!

I'll try to get it up as soon as possible, but, as always, in the meantime please review! I appreciate it so much. I just finished writing chapter 20 today, and I am on my way to starting chapter 21! All the editing and trying to write at the same time is what keeps these chapters from being posted faster. Sorry about that!

Thanks again for reading, and please review!

:)


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own ideas!**

Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter! I love to hear what you think, it makes my day! :)

* * *

Jess sat, slouched lazily on the couch, hefty book open to page three hundred and eighty. He had been slowly making his way through the book, determined to get halfway through it before meeting his father. It hardly seemed that it would end up that way though, the book slowly droned on and Jess was getting bored. He really wanted to read _Slaughterhouse-Five, _but he had to keep his promise to Rory. He heaved a sigh and turned the page, satisfied with getting through another painful page from the book.

His mind quickly wandered to the phone number that sat in his pocket. Rory had said to call if he need "_a little motivation to get through it_,_" _and, hell, he needed some serious motivation to get through this.

He laid the book on the soft cushions of the couch and began to dig through his pocket, pulling out the wrinkled piece of paper. The phone was in his hand seconds later, the number dialed with a quick finger. He let the phone rest between his head and his shoulder as he picked up his book and studied the page where he left off.

"Hello?" A sweet voice on the other end of the line spoke.

"Hey Rory," he greeted, lips curling into a smile, "It's Jess."

"Jess," Rory spoke happily. She was smiling, and even though Jess couldn't see it, he knew she was by the sounds of her voice, "Finally called to get some help with Rand," a pause, "or did you want to talk about something else?"

He had forgotten that this offer had included the mention of talking about something else, that something else being Liz, of course. It had been a little more than two weeks since she died and people still brought her up.

When Jess didn't respond, Rory started up a conversation, "I heard your dad was here? Lane told me you spent some time with him yesterday, right?"

Jess was relieved that she had spoken the name Jimmy instead of Liz. He felt more comfortable talking about Jimmy right now than he did his deceased mother. He had had enough of talking about Liz, and the way he saw it, the sooner he quit talking about her, the sooner he'd be done with it.

"Yeah," Jess spoke up, finally, "We went to Al's Pancake World."

"Luke's competition?" Rory questioned, remembering the time Lorelai and her had gone when her mom was mad at Luke. Lorelai had been upset with the place and it's international cuisine. They had nothing she considered diner food. The place was definitely not as good as Luke's the two Gilmore's had agreed, "Well," she spoke after a moment of thought, "That does make sense. Luke doesn't want you to see him, so you couldn't eat at Luke's. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah," Jess grinned at the thought, "it was awkward, but he's a pretty cool guy. I'm going with him to Hartford today."

"That sounds exciting," she exclaimed. She was truly happy for her friend. After losing his mother and weeks of mourning and pain, something good was finally happening for him. She didn't understand why Luke was so against it, but she was definitely for it. She knew what it was like to have an estranged father, and she always wanted to spend time with him. Jess shouldn't be prevented from spending time with the only parent he had left. It wasn't right.

"Yeah," Jess agreed, "much more exciting than this book I'm stuck reading right now."

"Hey!" Rory exclaimed. He could imagine her face, flustered and outraged by his distasteful comment towards one of her favorite authors, "Hemmingway isn't much better!"

"Believe me," Jess spoke, flipping through the many pages of the book that he had not read yet, "he is."

"How far are you?" Rory questioned, changing the subject. She knew that fighting over who was the best author wouldn't end well between them. Jess was stuck on Hemmingway while Rory would always take Rand's side.

"Three-hundred and eighty-one," he revealed with a sigh, and it's getting even harder to get through."

"Oh, come on," she exasperated in annoyance, "it's not _that _bad."

"Oh, it is," Jess argued, "long and painful."

The apartment door suddenly swung open, and Luke made his way in. Jess turned his gaze from his book momentarily before letting his eyes settle back down on the text.

"I've got to go," Jess told the blue-eyed girl.

"Alright," Rory spoke sadly, ". . . Call me later then? I want to hear how things go with Jimmy."

"Yeah," Jess smiled, "I'll call you later."

Jess hung up the phone and turned his attention back to his book, choosing to ignore his uncle. Luke had been coming in and out of the apartment all morning, much to Jess' annoyance. He had no clue why, but he was starting to think the man was checking up on him. He'd always study him before heading back down, and when Jess had asked what was up, he had said he needed a mug. His uncle wasn't very good at lying.

"You took your medications, right?" Luke questioned from the door.

"Yep," Jess shut his book and stood from his seat, noticing the time on his watch. It was nearing two, "All drugged up for today, Uncle Luke." The kid made his way over to his bed and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, "I'm heading out for a bit," he told his uncle, "so you won't have to come up here anymore to stare at me."

"Jess--"

"See you later," he pushed by his uncle and made his way down the stairs.

Luke let out a sigh and took off his cap, allowing himself to run a hand through his brown hair. The man had been trying to think of the best way to start the therapy suggestion talk with his nephew, but he couldn't get himself to bring it up the many times he had come up to do so. He didn't want to start a fight with the boy, and he didn't want to be in a terrible mood for his customers. His eyes shot to the pill bottles that laid almost untouched on the counter. Luke felt like they hadn't been moved for days. He knew he needed to check the bottles, and now that Jess was gone, he'd have the perfect chance to. He hadn't had the time to do it the night before since Jess ended up going to bed later than he, which was a regular occurrence on the weekends. Luke had to get up early to work, and Jess always took every other Saturday off. He made his way over to the counter and grabbed the bottles, feeling kind of stupid for actually opening them and pouring them out to count the pills. There was supposed to be thirty for each bottle, one a day for a month, and if there was more than should be in there after two weeks, then by God, Jess would be facing hell when he got home.

* * *

The car ride to Hartford had been filled with loud music. Iggy Pop had been blasting through the speakers, much to both of the Mariano's pleasure. They had been able to get out of town without any of Jess' nosy neighbors noticing, and the farther Jess got from Stars Hollow, the less trapped he felt. He had been craving to go back to Hartford ever since his last visit. Hell, any city was fine with him. He needed a break from Stars Hollow.

Once they arrived, the first stop Jess had insisted on making was the book store. Even if he was still stuck reading _The Fountainhead, _he could still try to locate another book to read at a later time. Books were something he and his father didn't have in common though. While Jess wandered the store, browsing its large collection with a smile, Jimmy stood idly by him, feeling almost out of place.

"You're big into reading I take it," Jimmy commented as he watched his son kneel down beside a shelf, sliding a copy of _The Virgin Suicides _out from its place on the shelf.

"Yeah," he nodded while studying the back cover of the book.

"You definitely didn't get that from me_ or _your mother," He remembered that Liz had never been one for reading. She'd always complain to him about the books her school was forcing her to read. She had once gone on a long rant about how lengthy_ The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_ was and how forcing anyone to read that much should be considered a form of torture. Jimmy kneeled down next to his son and glanced at the book, trying to catch the title, "It's good though," he paused for a moment, before speaking up again, "I'll buy that for you," he told his kid, the boy turning his head to look at his father, who was wearing a grin, "And any other book you want," he laughed, "I feel I should support this interest of yours, it's definitely a good one."

Jess smiled and turned his gaze back towards the book. He hadn't expected Jimmy to offer to buy him anything, he was just browsing, but the offer was very tempting. Liz had never bought him a book while she was alive, and she thought his collection was useless. She had always complained about reading and what a bore it was, and she always tended to rant whenever he took out _Huckleberry Finn_ or _The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. _

"You're sure you want to buy me this?" Jess questioned. He didn't like having people buy him stuff, it never suited him. He could never really except gifts, he always felt that he'd have to do something in return for them. Liz had forced that idea into his mind, she always told him that._ Nothing in life is free, _she'd warn.

"Yeah," Jimmy nodded, taking the book from his hand, "I'm sure."

And that's what Jimmy did. He didn't just stop with the book though, anything Jess looked at--that wasn't too expensive, of course--he'd snatch from the kid's hand and purchase. Jess found the whole thing oddly amusing but at the same time a little strange. It was like the man was trying to buy him over or something. Jess was lugging around bags full of clothes and books, and each store they went to, the load was added on to. After searching about ten stores, the two had finally made their way into a record store.

As they made their way inside, a bell above the door chirping, alerting the store clerk to their arrival, Jimmy turned and smiled at his son.

"Go," he spoke, taking the bags from his son's hands, "Look around."

Jess gave his father a smile and made his way over to the shelves that were lined with records. He began searching the shelf in front of him, flipping the records back to glance at each different album. He wasn't going to pick anything up this time, worried that his father would, yet again, snatch it from his hands and offer to buy it. All the stuff his father was buying him was making him feel rather uncomfortable. He wasn't used to it and he didn't think his father should be doing it. He knew the only reason that Jimmy was buying him so much was because he thought it would make Jess like him more. He had tried to say no, buy Jimmy kept on insisting. At least most of the stuff he was getting was pretty cheap.

Jess stopped on an album, a small smile forming on his lips. It was The Adolescents first album, something he'd been searching for for quite some time. He picked it up from off the shelve, the records stacked behind it falling forward. He studied the front, then flipped to the back.

"Do you want that?" Jess almost jumped at the sound of his father's voice. His old man stood next to him, leaning over his shoulder, wearing a grin.

"You don't have to--"

"No, I'll buy it for you," Jimmy insisted, cutting his son off before he even get a chance to finish his sentence.

"Jimmy, you don't have to buy me all this stuff to get me to like you," Jess spoke up, much to Jimmy's shock. The man went to speak, but Jess held up a hand, stopping him, "I like you, don't worry about it." Jess placed the album back down in its slot and made a mental not to come back and buy it when Luke gave him his check, "Besides, I really don't like having people buy me stuff, it never feels right to me." He turned to face his father, giving the man a smile.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know what exactly to do," Jimmy spoke nervously, "I've never really spent any time with you before, and I didn't know--"

"Don't worry about it," Jess repeated, leaning back against the shelve, hands gripping the edge of the wooden display case. Jess spotted the time on a clock behind Jimmy, and almost cured. It was seven thirty. He should have been home around five, knowing how long his wanderings usually lasted in Stars Hollow on a Saturday. Oh, was Luke going to interrogate him when he got home.

"I've got to get back to Stars Hollow," Jess told his father, "I'm not supposed to be seeing you and I should have been home two hours ago. Luke's going to be very suspicious."

Jimmy nodded, opening his mouth as if he had something to say, but quickly shut it, deciding otherwise. He led the way out of the store and to where they had parked. The walk wasn't filled with much talking, but Jess could tell Jimmy wanted to say something, but he kept backing down. When they reached the car, Jimmy stuffed the bags in the trunk. Jess didn't know how he was going to explain that to Luke. His pay check didn't give him nearly enough money to afford all of that. He would have had to be saving for months.

Once they were both in the car and secured by seat-belts, Jimmy went to start the engine. His fingers rested on the key, ready to start the car, but Jimmy hesitated. Jess found this odd, and the awkward feeling that had been looming since their walk back to the car suddenly became massive and palpable.

"As much as I love being in Hartford and hanging out with you and all," Jess started, deciding to bring in a little sarcasm to make the awkwardness vanish, "I think it would be better if we got back to Luke's, so I could possibly live long enough for a next time." He knew if he was any later than this Luke would have a fit.

"Jess," Jimmy started, releasing his grip on the key and resting his hands on the steering wheel. He paused and let out a sigh before continuing, "Do you want to live with me in Venice Beach?"

The question struck Jess suddenly, and it took him a minute to fully process it. Live with Jimmy? The thought had never occurred to him. It explained why he was here. He really didn't think the man would have come all the way from California just to see him and leave.

Jimmy looked at him hopefully, waiting for an answer patiently. God, he needed time to think this through without Jimmy staring at him with that expression. He longed to be with his father, but then again, he liked it here with Luke. The man had taken him in when nobody else would. He took care of him and dealt with his sarcasm and rebellious ways. He had been the only parental figure in his life for such a long time... But then Jimmy came, and Luke started getting a little too overprotective for Jess' liking. Luke was getting on Jess' last nerve, and he knew Luke had about had it with him as well. Luke didn't deserve to have Liz's baggage dumped on him. Jess was his nephew, and even though they were family, it should have always been Jimmy who was taking care of him since Liz's death. Luke got way too much dumped on him, and Jess felt terrible about it. He liked living with Luke, but he didn't want to burden him like he felt he did.

He wouldn't be burdening Jimmy, he knew that. He was the man's son, he was his responsibility. He was _supposed_ to be a burden for him. If he went to Venice Beach, he'd have a chance to start over. He'd have the anonymity he craved for since he came back to Stars Hollow. No more pitiful looks, no more nagging neighbors, just strangers who couldn't care less about his life; but he'd become accustom to it all though. He liked talking with Rory and had even grown quite fond of Lane. Luke wasn't that bad to live with, and he knew Luke had lost his only living family, and he was the only thing left.

Jess let out a sigh. He knew what he wanted to do, even if it would hurt someone in the end, he had to do what was best for _him_. For once in his life, it would be him deciding where he wanted to go. No more being shuffled around without his consent. He got to decide, and he knew where he wanted to be.

* * *

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

Next Chapter: Jess' decision and a confrontation between him and Luke! Much more besides that, but I don't want to spoil anything! :)

I'll try to get it up as soon as possible, but I need to work on my Advanced Composition story and I start work this week (with a sprained ankle!) My life is getting quite busy.

In the meantime, please review! I appreciate them all so much!

:)


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own ideas!**

Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter, I really appreciate it! Again, late night editing never mixes well with me, and I don't have much time to edit due to work and school, so sorry if the chapter isn't perfectly edited.

* * *

Jimmy had dropped him off a block away from the diner, knowing that if the lumberjack saw him anywhere near his old man that Jess would face a screaming fit. Jess was feeling pretty shitty, to be honest. The car had suddenly filled with a looming tension after Jess had declined his father's offer.

He wanted to stay where he was, he wanted to live with his uncle. He liked it with him, and he didn't want to move. He liked his father, but he wanted to stay put. He felt a singe of guilt when he saw his father's features fall when he said he wanted to stay with Luke. They had left each other with weak goodbyes and here he was now, walking down the dark, empty streets of Stars Hollow to the apartment above the diner that he called home. He noted that the lights were still on, and it was around nine-thirty now. There had been an accident on the highway, and traffic was backed up for miles, causing the tense car ride home to last even longer.

As Jess reached the door, he grabbed the key that was hidden on the upper part of the doorframe, knowing that Luke would have the door locked by now, and slid it in the lock. Once the door was open, he placed the key back in its hiding spot and entered the dark diner. Jess flipped the lock shut behind him and made his way upstairs. He hesitated for a moment at the door, hand grasping the cold handle. He knew Luke would throw a huge fit over this, and he was not in the mood to hear it. He already felt like shit.

Just when Jess was about to back away, thinking that maybe he could go out, smoke a few cigarettes and get himself feeling good again, the door was suddenly swung open.

"Where the hell have you been half the day?" Luke bellowed. He was outraged. Yet again, his teenaged nephew had kept him up much later than he liked.

"I was with Jimmy," Jess cut right to the chase. It wasn't like Luke didn't already guess that. The lumberjack knew that he wouldn't listen to his rules, he never did, "We went up to Hartford."

Luke slammed the door behind his nephew, enraged, "Jess, I told you--"

"I know what you told me Luke," Jess cut him off mid-sentence, voice raising in volume to match his uncle's, "and you knew I wouldn't listen! So get over it!"

"No, I will not get over it!" Luke yelled, stomping his way closer to his nephew, "You didn't even tell me where you were. I was worried, Jess. I still _am _worried!"

"Why?" Jess asked, meeting his uncle's glare, "I'm back, I'm safe. It's not like I came back injured or anything. I'm fine, and Jimmy isn't such a bad guy!"

Luke paused for a moment, the intensity of the air in the room seeming to fall to some degree. The two just stood for what felt like ages. Jess had calmed himself a bit, and so had Luke, but he had more they needed to talk about... And he was still pretty pissed, not just because Jess was late. "I checked the bottles, Jess," Luke started. Jess went wide-eyed for a moment, losing his usual cool composure.

"What?" Jess was still in shock from the statement. Luke had checked the bottles... he had checked to see if he was taking the medications?

"I know you stopped taking them, Jess," Luke was trying to stay calm, but he was infuriated. He didn't want this to last any longer than it had to, but Jess seemed to want it to develop into something worse, "I counted the pills."

"You counted the pills," Jess repeated, eyes traveling over to the three pill bottles that sat on the kitchen table, "what is _wrong _with you?" he yelled, "You seriously sat there and counted out each bottle?" A beat, "You have _way_ too much time on your hands, Uncle Luke."

"Jess, why'd you stop taking them, you know you need them." Luke told the boy, watching as the kid let out a harsh laugh, "Jess," he warned.

"I'm better, Luke!" Jess motioned a hand towards himself, his voice beginning to rise, "Why can't you see that?! I go to school, I work in the diner, everything's alright now!"

"No it's not Jess, and you know it," Luke informed the kid, voice raising to match his nephew's, "You are _so_ far from fine. You had that flashback and I know you've been having nightmares--"

"Shut up, Luke!" Jess hollered, "I'm better, I have to be better. I'm not going to be this stupid, screwed up kid who is always doped up on medications because he couldn't mentally deal with watching his mother die! Liz is _not_ going to do that to me! I won't let her!"

"Jess, you need to start dealing with this, instead of pretending that things are magically going to just get better if you try to act normal. You need to take those pills and you need to see a therapist! You need to talk about this!" Luke declared, voice rough from yelling. The part about the therapist kind of just came out of him. He regretted it now though, as the expression on Jess' face grew darker.

"No, I don't need a therapist," Jess retorted, "I'm doing just peachy, Luke." He paused for a moment, before staring up again, "Maybe it's _you_ who needs the therapist," he pointed towards his uncle, "you're much more crazy than I am. You live in this crazy town, and like that crazy Gilmore, and had a crazy selfish bitch for a sister who would rather get high than care for her own child!" his voice rang through the apartment. He had never screamed this loud before, and his throat was raw and dry from doing it, "No, I don't need the therapist," he then pointed an accusing finger towards his uncle, "_you_ do!"

Jess turned and started to head over to the door. He was done with this conversation, he was done with Luke. He felt a singe of guilt for being so mean, but he was just _so_ angry. Not just about the therapy or Luke; about everything that had gone wrong these past few weeks. He was mad at Liz for dying, he was made at Luke for being so overprotective, he was mad at the stupid little town for being so goddamn nosy, he was mad at Jimmy for not being there seventeen years ago, but most of all, he was mad at himself. He could have tried to help Liz instead of just giving up on her and letting her do all those drugs, he could have been a better son _and_ nephew, he could have stopped all of this from happening. He could have saved himself from all the problems and the pain.

Luke had no clue what came over him, but without thinking he let his anger take over. "Don't you walk away from me, Jess!" Luke growled, stomping up towards the kid and grabbing his wrist. He turned the boy swiftly, grabbed the other wrist as it came into reach, "We are not done! You are not walking away from this!" Jess had never seen Luke so enraged, never. It almost frightened him. "You have to stop pretending, Jess! You're not over this, you're not better, you need help!" Jess' eyes went wide as he felt Luke shake his body violently. His uncle's grip was painful, and his fingers were digging into his skin. Luke was completely filled with anger. It was like he'd been holding in all of this frustration and rage for weeks, and finally decided to let it all out. It had to be his fault that his uncle was so angry; he was so stubborn sometimes. He let Luke shake him roughly again, fingers digging deeper into his skin until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Let go, Luke," Jess spoke up, voice soft and raspy. When his uncle didn't respond, he tried again, "Luke, let go, you're hurting me."

Luke suddenly went wide-eyed and released his grip, eyes falling down to his hands. He had been so frustrated, so caught up in his anger at his nephew's dismissive attitude towards this whole situations, that he had accidentally let that anger take him over. He let his eyes wander over towards his nephew's wrists, and noticed the red, hand shaped marks that had appeared from his hold on the kid. He had never felt so terrible in his life.

"Jess," Luke started, turning his gaze up to his nephew. Jess backed up towards the door, one hand falling on the knob, gripping it tightly. He simply nodded towards the door, feeling the need to tell his uncle that he was still going out in some way. He couldn't get himself to speak. He slid through the door, Luke still standing where he had been, unmoving. Once the door had shut and Jess had made his way down the stairs, Luke regained awareness.

He had hurt his nephew, he had gotten so riled up that he had laid a hand on Jess. He had hurt the one thing that he was so bent on protecting. He suddenly felt like all the scum that had passed through the boy's life. Every man that had hurt him or his mother. He'd never felt that low before. Seeing the way Jess looked at him after he released his grip, that frightened look in his eyes, made him feel so much worse.

* * *

Jess fumbled with his lighter, hands shaking madly. He flicked the thumbwheel for the third time, trying to light the cigarette that dangled from his lips. The flame flickered out before his shaking hands could get it to touch the end of the stick. He wished his body would stop shaking for just five seconds so he could get the damn thing lit. He'd never craved a cigarette so bad before. A chilly breeze blew in, much to Jess' annoyance. Spring nights always seemed so chilly to him. He wished he had grabbed a sweatshirt before he made his way out of the apartment, but for some reason his flight instinct was screaming for him to get out of there quick. Luke didn't mean to hurt him, he knew that, but he couldn't help containing his outright shock and fear. He'd never expected that from Luke, and he hadn't had time to put on his mask and hide that frightened feeling down inside him.

The wind finally stopped blowing so wildly and Jess tried to light his cigarette once again. He finally managed to get the shaking lighter to touch the end and, to his pleasure, he inhaled and exhaled a cloud of smoke. The cigarette couldn't calm his nerves though, and his body still shook madly.

He turned the corner, each step taking him closer and closer to the outskirts of town. There wasn't much near the end of the small town, other than a few suburbs and buildings scattered here and there. After a half an hour of wandering, he had decided to come here. He was looking for the motel. He needed to talk to Jimmy--he needed to talk to his _father_. He couldn't go back to Luke's, not now. He couldn't go in looking this shaken up. That would only prove to his uncle more that he needed therapy. Hell, maybe that would even prove he needed to be _institutionalized_. The way he'd been feeling the past few days was starting to make him somewhat believe Luke. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he really wasn't over this. He was probably taking steps backwards in his recovery. He wanted to be all right though, he wanted to stop feeling like some nut case... And just to think, a little over two weeks ago, he was normal. Too much was happening way too fast. It was too much for him to handle all at once. He was so confused still, and not just about Liz. His mind just couldn't keep up with everything going on around him anymore. Maybe he _was_ going crazy

The dimly lit parking lot of the motel came into view, and Jess sped up his pace. He was cold and confused and angry. All he wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep. He was hoping maybe he could spend the night in the motel room. He needed some time away from Luke.

Once he made it to the parking lot of the motel, he looked around, trying to spot Jimmy's car. He scanned the parking lot once, and found no sign of the familiar vehicle. He looked over the near empty lot again and again, but it just wasn't there. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and made his way over to the landlord's office, stepped inside, and rang the bell repeatedly, body still cursed with fierce tremors.

An old, short, portly man appeared from out the back. He rubbed at his beady eyes vigorously as he made his way up to the counter.

"There's a Jimmy Mariano staying here, right?" Jess asked as the short landlord made his way up to the counter.

The man gave him a studying look before his features turned to a mix of concern and confusion, "Are you alright, son?" he questioned, his voice laced with worry.

"Jimmy Mariano," he repeated, ignoring the old man's concern, "is he staying here?"

"Was," the landlord clarified, opening up a leather-bound book on the counter. He placed his pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose and scanned the paper, finger tracing down the page, "He checked out about..." he stopped on a name and tapped it, looking up towards the clock and back down again, "forty minutes ago."

"What?" Jess didn't get it. His father had left, without even saying goodbye? It didn't make any sense. Why would Jimmy do that?

"Are you alright?" the portly man asked again. The young boy was shaking wildly, and that set the old landlord on alert. Something was terribly wrong with the young man. He studied the child's features for a moment, allowing something to click in his head, "You're Luke's nephew, aren't you?" he remembered seeing the boy rush about the diner on his occasional visits to the establishment for a meal, "Do you want me to call him for you, so he can come and get you?"

"No," Jess quickly said, shaking his head, "no, that's alright." He moved his way over to the door and swiftly made his way out, leaving the short, portly man at the desk.

Jimmy was gone. His father had left without even a word of goodbye. The man promised he'd be there for him, and when he needs him most, Jimmy runs off. Jess couldn't believe it. Everything Luke had said about Jimmy had been right.

He turned out of the motel parking lot and headed down the path he had trekked to get there. This was one of the rare times in Jess' life where he actually felt like crying. Not only had Liz left him to fend for himself out of selfishness, his father had now done it too. Twice, actually. He felt like everything around him was falling apart. Luke had hurt him, Liz was dead, and Jimmy had left him. Suddenly, he felt the cool trickle of tears sliding down against his cheeks, and he couldn't remember when they started falling. He cursed himself for crying, he hated crying, but everything had just been building up inside of him. It was like the dam that had been holding him together finally burst open, and out came everything. He was feeling so many emotions all at once. He felt that he was losing it.

Jess' breathing came in rough gasps, and he couldn't stop his shaking. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to end up all alone. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't things be normal again? Why couldn't Liz still be here? He'd give anything to have his mother back now. Even though they didn't get along, and even if she was a drug addict, he still loved her and he still needed her. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to calm himself down. Crying wasn't going to get him anywhere. He needed to move on, but it was getting so hard for him to do that. Though he knew that this would probably haunt him for the rest of his life, he needed to find a way to move past it. He needed to get over Liz and live his own life. He couldn't help feeling like a part of him was missing, though. It was like some part of him had just vanished the second they told him she was dead. He wanted it back. There _had_ to be a way to get it back.

He entered the empty, silent diner for a second time that night. He rubbed at his reddened eyes a few more times, feeling that, somehow, if he rubbed hard enough, the puffy and red that proved he had been crying would vanish. The ring of the phone could be heard from above, and he heard no footsteps over his head. He made his way slowly up the stairs, listening to the constant ringing of the phone, and entered the apartment. Luke was gone; he must have gone out looking for him after he left. Jess' eyes wandered towards the phone that seemed to keep ringing and ringing, and reached out to answer it. It may be someone important, or maybe it was Luke, checking to see if he was back. For some reason, he really wanted it to be Luke. He needed his uncle, he needed _someone_.

"Hello?" Jess spoke into the phone, voice coming out raspy from crying.

"Jess?" the unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line spoke, "This is Randy Atwood, remember me?" He waited for an answer, but when he got none, he continued, "Your landlord from New York?"

Jess instantly felt uncomfortable at the mention of New York. He didn't like to think about the apartment or the city anymore. It was odd, he used to love that city, but now he almost hated it more than the denizens of this small town, "Yeah," he didn't know what else to say. He had never been at such a loss for words before.

"How are you holding up?" he asked, more out of courtesy than actual concern.

"Fine," Jess lied. He wasn't about to tell the man otherwise. Neither of them would really want to put that kind of awkwardness between them.

"Good," the man spoke, pausing for a brief minute before continuing, "I didn't know what you and your uncle wanted to do with the stuff that you and Liz left in the apartment," he said. Jess could here the faint sound of a television in the background, "It's all packed up, and I was wondering if you wanted me to ship it to you or if you wanted to just come pick it up."

Jess just stood there for a minute, thoughts of what had happened in that apartment flashing in his mind. He had never gone back there after that night, and Luke had only gone to pick up the essentials for him. They had both agreed that they would deal with picking up and sorting out Liz's things at a later date. He was so afraid of going back there. But, at the same time, he felt as if he had left something behind there... Maybe this was it! Maybe this was what was holding him back from getting better. The part of him that he felt vanished with Liz may be still there... And because he'd been so keen on avoiding that place, so afraid of facing it all over again, that he couldn't move on. Maybe the only way to start moving on was to go back to where it all started. If he could face that, he could make it through the rest.

"I'll--I mean, _we'll_ come pick it up," Jess told Randy. He was determined now. He _was_ going to face this fear and he _was_ going to move past all this. He was going to get back the part of him that was left that night in the apartment.

"Alright," his landlord spoke, "you still have your key, or do you need a new one?"

"I've still got it," Jess eyed the old key that sat on his dresser, "See you."

Jess quickly hung up the phone and ran over to his dresser. He was determined to get this done, tonight. He'd just take the bus up to New York, make his way over to the apartment, and walk on in there. He knew if he waited till the morning he'd never do it. Luke would be back too. He couldn't tell his uncle about this, the man would insist on coming. He needed to do this alone. Luke wouldn't understand that. He slid the key into his pocket looked over towards Luke's side of the apartment. He needed money, and since Luke paid him barely anything for his work at the diner, he had none. He did know where Luke hid his emergency cash, though. His uncle was pretty bad at hiding things.

He made his way over to the diner owner's side of the apartment and stopped at the closet. He opened the door and dug through the top shelf, patting around until his hand landed on a shoebox. With a gentle tug, he pulled the box down from its place on the shelf and opened it, taking about three hundred bucks. That should cover his way to and from, and he figured, if he took the bus that would leave around eleven, he'd be able to get down there and done around one, then be back here by morning.

He stuffed the money into his jean pocket and went over to his bed. Shrugging into a sweatshirt, he felt somewhat guilty for up and leaving without even telling Luke. The man was probably running around in the chilly night, searching every nook and cranny for him. He decided to write the man a simple note. He surely couldn't tell Luke where he was--the man would come looking for him in a heartbeat--so he decided to keep it cryptic. He had been so much of a burden to Luke, and he felt terrible for stealing his cash and running off like this, but he had to. He'd make it up to him somehow, he would.

After signing his name in neat cursive, he made his way over to the door and stepped out, sticking the note on the glass so Luke would see it once he returned.

Feet pacing steadily down the stairs, he quickly made his way through the diner and out the door, heading to the bus station near the outskirts of town to buy his ticket.

* * *

Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

Next chapter: Some Lane and Rory, as well as a scene with Luke and Lorelai. There will be a bit of Jess, but his New York story will really start in the chapter after.

In the meantime, please review! I truly appreciate them all and it helps me get through writer's block (which I have for this story right now!)

I'll try and update as soon as I can get editing done.

:)


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own ideas!**

Thanks you so much to all who reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate it so much! May not be the best edited chapter since I did it right after I got off work last night and i was so tired, but I don't think it'll be that bad grammar wise.

* * *

Lane and Rory sat on the couch, eyes glued to the TV. They were watching one of Lane's favorites, _Almost Famous_, while they chowed down on the different assortments of snack food that were piled on the coffee table. The weekend had allowed the girls a chance to have a long needed sleepover. The two barely got to do them much anymore, due to conflicting schedules, and they had jumped on the chance once they figured out they were both free the same weekend.

Rory reached out to grab a marshmallow as Lorelai emerged from the kitchen, bowl of popcorn in her hands, "Do not fret, children. I did not burn this bag of popcorn," she said jokingly as she made her way over to the table and placed the bowl down.

"Finally," Rory exclaimed as she and Lane both reached for the bowl and pulled out handfuls of popcorn, "how many bags did you go through until you got it right?"

"Only three," she told her daughter, arms crossed, "and it's not my fault that the microwave doesn't have a popcorn button!"

Rory and Lane laughed at the woman and continued to grab handfuls of candy and popcorn.

As Lorelai was about to sit down, the doorbell rang, causing the woman to let out a groan. She didn't want to miss anymore of the movie than she had already, and they were coming up on her favorite scene at the hotel room as well.

"It's after midnight," Rory said, looking over towards her mother, "who would be ringing the doorbell at this hour?"

Lorelai shrugged and stood up, making her way over to the door. As she opened the door, she was almost shocked to see Luke standing there; again, "Another late night visit?" she questioned, "What is up with you lately?"

Luke could here the TV on in the background, and he spotted Rory and Lane sitting on the couch. He felt a little bad about coming here in the middle of the night again, but he had to. "I can't find Jess," he told Lorelai, voice laced with worry.

"What do you mean,'you can't find Jess?'" she questioned, bemused. Luke motioned towards the couch, where the two teenage girls were sitting, now turned and facing the door, listening in on their conversation. Lorelai knew they needed some privacy, "Let's talk in the kitchen," she motioned for Luke to enter and shut the door behind him. As they made their way to the kitchen, the two girls watched them curiously.

Luke sat down and immediately began rubbing his temples.

"Now," Lorelai spoke up, sitting down beside her friend, "what happened?"

"We were fighting after he got home from Hartford," he paused for a moment, adding in, "Jimmy took him to Hartford, and I had no clue where he was all day--God, Lorelai, he won't listen to me. He didn't stay away from Jimmy like I told him, he stopped taking the pills--"

"Wait, what?" Lorelai cut him off mid sentence, "He's not taking his medications anymore?"

"No, he hasn't been taking them for a few days now." Luke confirmed.

"Is that why he had that flashback?" Lorelai asked. She had been trying to figure out how that had happened when the medications were supposed to help him with that.

"Yeah," Luke nodded, "I yelled at him about it, and he got all defensive and fed me all this crap about how he was 'better now' and how he didn't need them anymore. Then I started yelling about how he needed to see a therapist and then," a beat, "I just lost it. He tried to leave and I grabbed his wrists. My grip was so tight and I shook him violently." Luke looked over to his friend and was meet by an almost shocked expression, "I hurt him, Lorelai," he kept his voice low, not wanting Rory and Lane to hear from the other room, "I didn't mean to, but I hurt him."

Lorelai sat silent for a moment, taking in all that Luke had told her. For one, he shouldn't have brought up therapy when Jess was already pissed at him. Bad move on Luke's part, but the fact that Luke had grabbed him shocked Lorelai. She had never imagined he would get violent with Jess, but the kid was being quite stubborn and uncooperative lately--it was no excuse for violence, though, "You didn't mean to hurt him, Luke," Lorelai soothed her friend, who she knew was feeling so low for what he had done, "he knows that."

"No, Lorelai, you didn't see the way he looked at me before he left," Luke spoke up, "he looked so frightened. Of _me_. He shouldn't been afraid of me, I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting him."

"Luke, he's not scared of you," Lorelai insisted, laying a hand on Luke's hand, "I know he's not. He was probably just a little shocked and frightened of what you _did_. I don't think he was frightened of _you_. That wasn't you, and he knows that. You were just angry and worried and your emotions got the best of you."

Luke simply nodded and Lorelai smiled at him, "Now, I bet you Jess his home by now. It is pretty late. Just go back to the apartment and talk with him, once you do that, I think things will be alright again."

"Yeah," Luke agreed, "I guess you're right," He stood up from his seat and Lorelai did the same.

"Get on home," she repeated, placing a friendly hand on Luke's back, gently pushing him towards the back door, "Everything will be fine."

Luke gave a nod before exiting out of the door. Lorelai let out a sigh as she closed the door and placed her back up against the frame. She felt bad for her friend. Ever since Jimmy had come into the picture, he and Jess had been fighting constantly. The two never seemed to be content with one another, and everything just finally got to Luke. He had been trying so hard to help Jess, but the boy's stubborn streak got in the way.

Her eyes glanced over to the clock and she noted the time. She definitely needed to get to bed; she'd never be able to get up in the morning if she stayed up any later.

"Rory, Lane," she called as the girls came in to her sights. Rory turned at the call, and Lane glanced over towards her, "I'm going to head off to bed, don't stay up too much later," she told the two.

"Is everything alright with Luke, mom?" Rory asked, concern lacing her tone. She had heard the mention of Jess and she had to guess that something had happened between the two, especially if Luke was running over here to talk with her mother at this hour.

"Yeah," Lorelai gave her daughter an assuring smile, hand grasping onto the railing, "everything's fine, don't worry about it."

Rory and Lane exchanged quick looks of disbelief before turning back to Lorelai, "Alright then, night' mom."

"Night' Lorelai," Lane called after.

Lorelai flashed them one more assuring smile, knowing that Lane and Rory were probably seeing right through it. Her daughter _was_ a genius, and practically anyone would be able to know that she was somewhat lying about everything with Luke being alright. Nothing was alright, at the moment, but it could be fixed once the two Danes' sat down and talked things through. Jess and Luke would be fine once again, and the two would continue on like they used to.

As her mother disappeared up the stairs, Rory turned to Lane, "She's lying, something's up."

Lane scoffed, "Of course something's up. Luke just came to your house after midnight," a beat, "that's definitely not a time to come to someone's house when everything is fine."

The two turned back to the movie for a moment, a scene capturing their attention, before getting sucked right back into the plot. Luke and Jess still lingered in the back of their minds, but the movie playing out in the screen in front of them kept the thoughts back. Just as the two were watching the climax, Rory's phone went off.

Both pairs of eyes landed on the vibrating phone, screen lit with black numbers shining out on top of white. Rory quickly snatched up the phone and answered.

"Uh, hello?" She glanced over at Lane, who whispered the inquiry of who it was.

"Rory, it's Jess," her eyes went wide for a moment, and Lane looked at her even more curiously.

"Jess, Luke was just here," She told her friend, "is everything alright, he looked a bit worried."

"Yeah, yeah," he quickly respond, trying to wave off Luke's concern as nothing. He didn't want to get into details right now, he didn't have time, "Rory, I don't have much time to talk, I'm out of change and I only had enough quarters to pay for a minute."

"Wait, what?" Rory looked over at her friend for a moment, who was edging closer to her, trying to listen in, "Jess, where exactly are you calling me from?"

"A pay phone," he told her, "in New York."

"New York?!" Rory exclaimed, keeping her voice somewhat low in case her mother was still awake.

"Jess is in New York?" Lane repeated, eyes wide. How the hell did he end up down there?

"Who's with you?" Jess asked quickly, a little panicked. If she was talking to Lorelai then Luke would definitely know where he was by morning. He couldn't have Luke knowing, the lumberjack would come straight after him. He needed to do this alone, he _wanted_ to do this alone.

"Lane," Rory respond, "she's spending the night."

"Oh," Jess almost let out a sigh of relief. Lane wouldn't tell Luke, she wasn't like that. There was a brief pause for a moment, before Jess spoke up again, "Can you guys not tell Luke that I'm here?"

"Wait, he doesn't know?" Rory and Lane exchanged worried glances. It explained why Luke looked so worried. Jess must have just disappeared and Luke had been out searching for him or something.

"Rory, I need to do this alone," Jess told her. He really needed her and Lane to keep quiet about this, "I should be back sometime later, I just need to take care of something. I'll be back before you know it."

"Jess. . ."

"Come on Rory, just keep quiet about it, please?" He hated resorting to pleading, but he didn't need Luke coming up here and storming in, all angry and worried. That wouldn't be any help at all.

"Alright," she finally agreed, "But, I really think you should call Luke and at least tell him you're okay."

Jess let out a sigh. He knew she'd mention something like that, "My minute is almost up, I've got to go," he informed her, stuffing his hands in his pockets to dig out a cigarette, "Oh, yeah, I'm more than halfway through the book, still painful but I'm getting it done."

Rory's lips curled into a smile at that, and she peered over at her copy of Hemmigway that laid on the couch beside her, "Good, and I'm about done with mine. We can discuss when you get back?"

"Yeah," Jess smiled, stick hanging from his lips, "I'd like that," he paused for moment, cursing himself when he realized that his minute was truly about to end, "I'll talk to you later. Tell Lane I'll bring her home a CD or something to add to her collection."

"I'll tell her," Rory replied, looking over at Lane with a smile. She loved how Jess and Lane had quickly become friends, she felt that it was great that her best friend was friends with him. She paused for a moment, "Jess," she spoke up, "be careful, alright?"

"Don't worry Rory, I'll be back before you know it," Jess replied with a smirk as he pulled a lighter from his pocket.

"Bye Jess," she said softly.

"Bye--" the dial tone suddenly cut in and Rory's smile disappeared. Jess had run out of time.

* * *

Luke made his way to the dark diner, praying for the tell tale sound of music blasting up above him, assuring him that his nephew was truly back. He was going on that, pushing his worry down and assuring himself that his nephew was truly fine and in bed. He planned to talk with him, apologize for getting so out of hand with him, and talk to him (not yell) about why he had stopped taking the pills.

When he entered and heard the soft hum of silence, his worry came right back tenfold. He quickly rushed across the diner and headed up the stairs, stopping, eyes wide, when he noticed a note on the door. He tore the paper off the glass and brought it closer to his sight. Two words were written in Jess' neat, almost elegant hand writing. It still shocked him that a boy like him would be able to write so neatly. He read them, over and over, trying to take in the full meaning of his nephew's very cryptic message. The simple words kept playing over and over in his head, but he couldn't make out why he wrote them.

Luke slowly opened the door, greeted by the sight of an empty apartment, and finally got why he must have wrote that simple message.

"_I'm sorry,"_ the note read, as simple as that. It hit Luke harder than a ton of bricks, and he felt his heart sink. He felt like he had at Liz's funeral, when the realization that he had truly lost his sister struck him. He had lost his nephew now too. Jess was gone, and so was that last of his family.

* * *

Thanks you all so much for reading! I hope you liked it!

Next chapter: Jess' story-line in New York begins!

I'll try to get it up as soon as I can, I believe we are off school Friday so I will try to get the editing all done then. Until then though, please review! I love to hear what you think of the chapters and I really appreciate every single one of them!

Thanks again for reading!

:)


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own thoughts and ideas!**

Here's an early update for all of you great readers and reviewers. :) Seniors at my school don't have to go to school tomorrow so I had some time to edit and get this up!

Again, thanks to all who review! I really appreciate it and you guys have helped me get past my writers block for this story! Now, if I could only do that for my Advanced Composition story, haha. :)

* * *

Jess exhaled a cloud of smoke, turning the all too familiar corner that led straight to his old apartment building. Memories of the many times he took that turn at this hour clouded his mind, and it made him almost feel like things were the way they used to be. Liz was still alive, sitting up in the apartment--maybe passed out or maybe still conscious--with one of her many boyfriends while he wandered the streets of New York, trying to get away from her and her deadly habits for just a little while. God, even though he hated those days, he wished they were still around. He'd rather have a drugged out mother than a dead one.

He stopped at the door to the old apartment building and slid a hand into his pocket and searched for a brief moment before pulling out the key. He slid it in the lock and opened the door, the faint stench of piss and alcohol reaching his nostrils. He had forgotten that the place smelled like shit and wondered what Luke first thought when he walked in to get his belongings those weeks ago. Liz could never afford a nice apartment, especially with her expensive habits.

He began up the poorly lit stairs, some of the fluorescent lights overhead flickering on and off, causing quick patches of darkness to fill the staircase. He exited the stairwell on the fourth floor and started down the green brick hallway. He could hear a baby crying--Margaret's kid, he believed; she lived in 403. She was young--around nineteen when she moved in, twenty now--but looked so much older. He remembered when she moved in a few years ago with the baby's father. They seemed so happy, and she had this glow to her that he had wished Liz had had. She truly cared for her baby, and she had wanted it, he could tell that. Weeks after the move in, the father ran off and left her with a practically newborn child. He remembered talking to her a few times, when he was out avoiding Liz. They shared a common love for Washington Square Park. She was such a nice girl, and she didn't deserve what had happened to her. He hoped, for the kid's sake, she'd stay that way. He prayed she didn't turn into another Liz. A bitter, drugged out woman who only cared for herself and her needs.

He passed a few more rooms, remembering their occupants and his limited relations with them. The couple in 409--Denise and Bobby--always fought like crazy, he'd here them go on and on about different things. There'd sometimes be a few bangs and crashes, lamps breaking and ash trays being thrown across the room, he supposed. They were always buying new ones every other week. Once the fierce winds that had fallen over them vanished, they could be heard having make up sex. The walls in this building were hardly soundproof, and you could here anything, especially those two when they got it on. Denise would moan and scream for more and Bobby would just keep on exclaiming, "Yeah. . .YEAH!" He wondered if they knew that half the floor could here them... Liz used to joke about that, she'd jibe that their screams were so loud that half the neighborhood could here them screwing. He'd give a small laugh and agree, sitting on the chair across from her in their little family room, book on his lap. She always picked on them, and Jess remembered she'd always be flicking a finger on her arm while holding a needle with her other hand while she did it. Once she got things ready for herself, she'd still be going on about them, talking with him while wearing one of her silly grins, while she shot up. He'd always look away at that point. He didn't like being around her when she was high, and he sure as hell didn't want to see her shooting up. That was family bonding in the Mariano-Danes household: chatting about Denise and Bobby while Liz got high.

He forced that memory out of his mind as he passed by 410 and chose to think about the old man who lived there. His name was Roger, he believed. He was a poor, gentle old man who kept to himself. He always gave him these sympathetic looks when he exited his apartment with a new bruise or limp. He wondered if the old guy knew what was going on behind those walls. He wondered if he heard them fighting, just like you could here everyone else. Maybe he heard all the things Liz would scream at him, maybe he'd heard him crash into the table the last time one of Liz's boyfriends beat up on him. His life had just faded into the noise that made up the floor. It blended in with the cries from Margaret's baby, the howls and, later on, moans of Denise and Bobby--all making a choir of sorts for that old, silent man to listen to. That's what he was, just another part of that loud, screaming chorus.

He stopped at number 412, eyes scanning the old black numbers over and over. He clutched the key in his hand. This was it. This was his apartment. The paint on the off-white door was chipping away, like it had been since they moved in. The choir of his neighbors suddenly felt louder, and he felt like he was about to open that door--like any other day--and find Liz sitting on the couch, ready to yell at him and attempt to be his mother. They would join in at the chorus, Liz and he yelling at the top of their lungs, bottles being thrown his way, crashing loud against the wall like cymbals colliding... But it wasn't like that anymore. He wouldn't be joining in the chorus any longer. Liz was dead, and he didn't belong to this choir anymore. He belonged to the silent choir of Stars Hollow now. Where there was no yelling or screaming to be heard, where the twenty-four hour mini mart closed at ten, and the denizens lived rather peacefully. The night air there was filled with silence, not the cries of a baby or the loud yells of a couple who fight every night then screw even louder. It was just quiet.

He uncurled his fist and stared down at the key in his hand. His eye travelled to the keyhole then back again. He had to open that door, he needed to release himself from this stupid place. He was no longer a singer in this choir, and neither was his mother. But as much as he longed to leave this place behind him, he couldn't. If he opened that door, if he slid that key into the lock and twisted the knob, he'd be greeted by nothing. If he opened that door then he would finally realize that Liz was gone forever. It wouldn't just feel like he was living with uncle and Liz was just back her, shooting up in the apartment and drinking with a random fling. She would truly be gone if he opened that door.

Jess clutched the key in his hand tightly and stared at the peeling paint. He cursed silently to himself and shoved the key in his pocket as he began to walk away. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't get himself to open that door. He couldn't make himself see that Liz was really gone. He wasn't going to leave New York until he opened that door though, he was going to make himself realize that Liz was truly gone. The sooner he came to that realization--even if it hurt him--the sooner he'd be able to get over her. For the night, he'd sleep on a bench in Washington Square Park, his second home. He knew it sounded completely dumb to consider a park a home, but to him it had been one of the only places in New York where he felt safe. That was the definition of a "home," right? He never considered Liz's apartment a home, he was never safe there. It was more like a place to get out of the cold for a bit. Even though most of his belongings sat in that apartment, nothing in it made it feel like his home. Home was with Luke, that was where he felt safe. His uncle's apartment was his real home, and Liz's wasn't.

* * *

"Look at him," Lane whispered into Rory's ear, eyes set on Luke, "he looks so sad."

The two sat in the diner, deciding to get pancakes from Luke's instead of Lorelai. She wasn't really the best cook. Rory's eyes fell on a dejected Luke, who made his way around the diner, taking orders and filling up mugs with that sad look to him. Jess had not come back yet, and Luke had taken it hard. He had truly believed his nephew would be at home once he got back that night, but the kid was gone. All that was left of him was his belongings and a simple note. He had stolen 300 bucks from his stash, which Luke understood, but he didn't understand why the kid left all of his stuff if he was running off with Jimmy. Did Jimmy already supply him with a new wardrobe and a collection of CD's and books? He was trying to find a number for Jimmy. He needed to contact that scum-bag. He needed to at least know that Jess was alright, and maybe get a few curses and name-calling in there as well. He knew Jimmy had had some sort of motive. He had guessed Jimmy wasn't just him coming up for some friendly little visit. He wanted Jess, and he got him.

"We should tell him Rory," Lane insisted, "he's got to be worried sick about him." Lane knew that the two had promised not to tell, but when she saw Luke like this, it broke her heart. She hadn't ever realized how close Luke had really gotten to Jess.

"Lane, we told him we wouldn't," Rory reminded as she took a sip of her coffee, "he said he'd be back by this afternoon." Though Rory felt incredibly guilty for idly sitting by and letting Luke feel terrible and worried about Jess while she knew the information that would ease his mind, she had made a promise. She just had to hope that whatever it is that he had to do in New York had been done by then and he was on a bus, heading back down here to Stars Hollow.

"I know," Lane sighed, bring the cup of coffee to her lips. She took a sip before continuing, "I just feel so bad knowing where Jess is while his own uncle--who is worried sick!--does not."

Rory let out a sigh and nodded. Luke made his way up to the two girls, order pad in hand. Getting a closer look at the man had made Lane and Rory notice how disheveled and tired he truly looked. He must have not gotten any sleep that night. The guilt that consumed the two girls rose and they felt even worse than before. Jess better get back soon, Rory thought, she couldn't take keeping a secret like this for much longer.

"Hi Luke!" Lane greeted nervously and little too cheerily, "You're flannel shirt looks rather starched today. Mama Kim would approve!" Rory kicked her under the table, giving her a look that screamed, _"shut up!"_ She hadn't wanted to look guilty, but the way she was acting must have made her look crazy instead.

Luke raised an eyebrow halfheartedly at the two, before skipping right to the question, "What can I get you two?"

He asked it with a deflated voice, and the girls felt terrible. Keeping secrets from Luke when he was like this made them feel like crap.

"What's wrong, Luke?" Rory asked, trying to play oblivious. She looked around the diner, "Where's Jess?"

"I don't know," the stocky man let out a sigh, "he's gone, I guess." The expression he wore--of hurt and pain--made the two girls quickly looks away, "He must have went with Jimmy--he's gone too."

The two girls shared a curious look. Jimmy was gone too? Jess had said he was alone in New York, so did that mean Jimmy had left after Jess had left, or before? Lane quickly remembered the two had had plans on Saturday, and she guessed something had happened between the two if Jimmy had left. She was eager to know what really happened now. Maybe that was why Jess went off to New York, maybe Jimmy had said something?

"That's terrible Luke," Rory spoke, playing along, though with every second that passed, she felt even more guilty. "But maybe he'll come back very soon!" Lane added in, receiving another kick from Rory.

"I doubt it," he responded. Not after what he had done to the kid last night, "I've got to take care of the other customers," he motioned to the rest of the diner, "do you know what you want?"

"Pancakes," Rory spoke up, voice soft, "we both want pancakes."

Luke nodded and wrote the order down, sticking the pencil behind his ear when he was done, "It'll be out soon," he told the two girls before walking off to the back of the diner and placing the order.

"Jess better get back soon," Lane whispered to her friend, "I don't know if I can keep this from Luke if he keeps acting like this!"

Rory nodded and took a sip of her coffee. She turned her gaze to the bus stop across the street, where a bus had pulled up. It was from New York, and Rory's heart rose. She nudged Lane and the two girls stared at the bus. "Come on, Jess," she whispered, "please step off the bus."

They watched as the motley crew of passengers stepped off the Greyhound, looking for that familiar head of dark brown hair that would free the two girls of their guilty consciouses. The passengers scattered out away from the bus, and the two girls watched sadly as the doors shut after letting out the last passenger. Jess was nowhere in sight.

* * *

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

Next chapter: Jess in New York, a Lorelai and Luke scene, as well as a bit of Jimmy.

In the meantime, please review! I will try to update as soon as I can.

:)


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for my own ideas!**

Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter, and because of you guys, I decided to post another today! I also have a Charmed story I want to start writing, and I want to get this one done for you guys before I get started. I'm close to finishing this story, I believe I have only two more chapters to write, making there a total of twenty-four chapters, I believe.

Quick note to **Princess Denise**: I am so sorry about the name! I could not come up with a name for any of those characters I talked about last chapter so I just took names my friend gave me! You're one of my most loyal readers and you always review! Please don't take any offense by it :)

* * *

Jess sat in the grass, eyes set on the stone in front of him. The night had passed quickly for him, and now it had turned to late afternoon. He told Rory he would be back by now, but he couldn't get himself to unlock the door of that stupid apartment. He felt like such a wimp, afraid to enter a stupid apartment. He was supposed go in, be done with it, and leave; as simple as that. Apparently, simplicity was one thing his life wouldn't allow lately. He had convinced himself to at least pay her a visit though, it only seemed right, since he was here. The ground was still fresh where he sat, and the gravestone looked shiny and new. A cigarette dangled from his lips, and he inhaled and exhaled calmly. He had bought two packs of cigarettes, knowing that once he went back to Stars Hollow--if he could ever get himself to enter that damn apartment--he'd need them. It's not like he could ask Lorelai to buy them for him again or threaten Kirk to get them. He had picked Lane up an old Bob Dylan album, _Highway 61 Revisited,_ to add to her collection. That 300 bucks he took from Luke was disappearing fast. He had spent around thirty bucks today, and he knew he wouldn't be able to get himself to enter that apartment for a while. What _would_ he do when the money ran out? He'd have no way back to Stars Hollow and no money for food.

Jess quickly pushed that thought from his head, eyes falling on his mother's name inscribed in the stone. The sight of her grave and the fresh soil around it made her death feel a little more real. He felt like he was in some sort of dream. It just didn't seem real. The day of the funeral had been the same way. He felt like he was just stuck inside some dream, no emotions, no pain, he just was. The feeling had been comforting the night that she had died, but at the funeral, he was scared for feeling that way. It wasn't normal to feel nothing, especially in a situation like that. He should have been crying, like Luke. Hell, he should have been crying even more than Luke. Liz was his _mother_ for Christ's sake!

He was still confused on how he should feel. He didn't know if he should hate her or love her. She had chosen drugs over him numerous times, and this time the drugs finally took her for good. He felt like he should hate her for what she did to him, a mother wouldn't do that to their child ... Then he remembered the times when Liz had actually tried to be a mother. The times she'd play Dinosaurs with him at the park, the times she'd read to him, all of that would always come flooding back, making that hate he felt should be there die down. He felt what they called "unconditional love" for Liz, and even though she put him through so much--and still was putting him through hell--he still loved her. He was just so confused. He needed to talk about it with someone, he needed to sort things out ... But he would _not_ see a therapist, he didn't need one like his Uncle Luke thought, he just needed someone he trusted to listen to him on that one subject. If he went to a shrink, that would prove he was farther away from normal than he thought he was.

"You screwed me over so bad this time, Liz," he spoke quietly, taking a drag from his cigarette, "God, Liz, you_ really _screwed me over."

Jess ran a hand through his curly mop of hair. The jell had worn out, and now his hair was falling down against his forehead, messy and uncombed. Liz had told him she liked it that way, and she had been half the reason he decided to jell it. It didn't really bother him when it was natural like this, and to tell the truth, he kind of liked it like this as well. Maybe he'd keep it like this for a while, it did take a while for him to jell it in the first place.

He inhaled and exhaled a cloud of smoke before quickly standing up and grabbing the bag that held Lane's album. His body had taken up to shaking and he knew he needed to get out of there. Things started feeling just a little too real to him in that moment. Liz would never be there to bother him about his hair and give him that stupid grin she always got when she'd see him in the morning. She'd never be there to call him her "baby" anymore, (even if that did annoy him to no end) he'd never hear her voice ever again...

Jess sped up his pace, his breathing speeding up as well. It was all too much. He felt like he was suffocating. He needed to get out of there, find himself some dinner, and take up occupancy on that bench for another night. He had planned to try to get himself to enter the apartment again for the third time, but now, he was sure it would be of no use to even attempt. He'd try again tomorrow, and remember to visit the graveyard _after_ his attempts to open that door. For now, with the change he had in his pocket, he would call Rory. She and Lane would need to cover for him until he came back to Stars Hollow. He turned the corner and quickly spotted a pay phone. Rory would probably bug him about calling Luke, and he knew that it was something he should have done the second he got to New York, but he didn't want Luke coming up here. Luke wouldn't understand why he needed to do this alone.

He slid a quarter into the slot and picked up the phone. He dialed a number with his dirty fingers and listened for the tone. He definitely needed a shower and change of clothes, that was for sure. He felt so dirty and he knew he would start to smell by tomorrow. That was the least of his worries right now though. Right then, when Rory asked where the hell he was with that tone she gave him, he knew that he'd have to worry more about convincing Rory and Lane to keep his secret for another few days.

* * *

Luke heaved a chair up onto a table with a sigh, eyes scanning around the dark, empty diner. The place was quiet, an odd occurrence that Luke hadn't dealt with in ages. Most of the time there would be a TV or music blasting from above, or Jess would be down here, jibing him about his taste in flannel. He still felt terrible for what he had done to Jess the other night, the way he grabbed him and yelled at him--he still couldn't believe he had done it. He had drove his nephew away, and now he was probably with Jimmy, wherever the hell that was. Even though he wanted Jess to be here with him, he understood why he would want to go off with Jimmy. The man _was_ his father, his only biological parent left. He knew that Jess had always wanted to know his father, and he was finally getting the chance to. He should be happy for his nephew, but the only feeling he was having right then was the complete opposite.

A knock on the door brought Luke out of his thoughts. He looked towards the door where Lorelai stood, wearing a sympathetic smile. Sliding his way past tables and chairs, he made his way over to the door and opened it. Lorelai quickly strolled in, mumbling a quick greeting as she slid inside.

"He's still not back, I'm guessing?" Lorelai asked with a frown. Rory had told her earlier that day that Luke had been pretty down in the dumps since Jess' disappearance. Apparently, Luke believed that Jess had gone off with Jimmy. Rory had told her the information with her eyes to the floor, which lead Lorelai to believe her daughter truly knew more than she was letting on to. She would question the girl later, now though, she needed to comfort Luke.

"I highly doubt he's ever coming back, Lorelai," Luke told her. He heaved a sigh and sat down in one of the chairs near the door. Lorelai quickly took her place in a chair adjacent to him and laid a comforting hand on the man's arm, "I drove him away. I should have just let him see Jimmy instead of trying to make him stay away from the guy. All that got me was a lot of curses and glares sent my way."

"Luke, it's not your fault," Lorelai soothed him, "you were just trying to protect him from someone who you thought was going to hurt him. Good parents try to protect their kids from things that will hurt them."

Luke let out a sigh and rubbed at his temples, "I can understand him choosing Jimmy over me, but I would have at least liked a goodbye or something instead of a short note that read, 'I'm sorry,'" he let his hands fall to his sides and looked towards his friend, "I deserved at least a little more than that. Hell, for what I've been dealing with since I first took him in those months ago, I deserved a novelette."

Lorelai gave a smile at the jibe, but she was really irked Lorelai that Jess hadn't even said goodbye to his uncle, he had at least owed the man that much. She had a feeling that there was something more to this whole Jimmy thing, and she had a hunch that maybe Rory knew something. The girl had been acting quite guilty lately. The whole morning, Lane and her had been acting rather odd.

"Jess left all of his stuff too," Luke added, crossing his arms, "he didn't even take any clothes. What am I supposed to do with it? Send it all to Jimmy?" he paused for a moment, eyes going wide, "He doesn't have his medications either," he shot up straight in his seat, "he needs those medications, Lorelai!"

"Luke," she placed a hand on his knee, "calm down." Things were definitely not adding up. It didn't make any sense for Jess to leave all of his stuff here, he needed his clothes, didn't he? "Have you tried contacting Jimmy or anything?" she asked.

Luke shook his head.

"Maybe you should," she told her friend, "I think it would be a good idea. Go find his number and call him, you guys can discuss all this and maybe you can talk to Jess."

Luke nodded, "I think Jess had his cell phone number upstairs somewhere," he slowly stood up from his seat and turned his gaze towards Lorelai, "I guess I'll go call him now."

Lorelai nodded and stood up from her chair, "Things will be fine Luke," she assured her friend, "everything will work out."

"You told me that last night," Luke retorted quietly.

"And I still believe it's true," she gave her friend a small smile and ran a hand up and down his arm, soothingly, "Goodnight, Luke." She made her way over to the door and exited quietly, watching as Luke locked the door behind her and disappeared behind the curtain.

He entered the dark, empty apartment and made his way over to Jess' side, stepping over piles of books and clothes to make his way over to the kid's dresser. Eyes scanning over the wooden top, he spotted the paper that had Jimmy's number written on it. He grabbed the paper off from the table and stared at the number. The last thing he wanted to do right then was talk to the man who had taken his only family away from him, but he had no choice. He was hoping that maybe he could talk with Jess and somehow convince the boy to come back, but that actually working was rather unlikely.

Luke made his way out of Jess' messy side and over to a phone. He punched in the numbers with his index finger and listened to the dial tone.

"Hello?" a tired voice came from the other end of the line, belonging to no other than Jimmy Mariano himself.

"Jimmy, it's Luke--" the diner owner started, but was cut off quickly by Jess' father.

"I'm sorry, Luke, alright?" he started, sounding much more awake than before, "I feel terrible for what I did, but I can't help it."

"Jimmy, it's alright," Luke told the man with a sigh. It really wasn't alright with him, but it was what Jess had wanted, "I understand why he left with you, I mean, you're his father--"

"Wait, what?" Jimmy cut him off, confusion lacing his voice, "He told me he wanted to stay with you. I left right after that," a beat, "I thought you were calling because I hurt him and you wanted to tell me how you were ready to tear me a new one?"

"He's not with you then?" Luke asked, voice taking on a worried tone.

"No, I'm back in Venice Beach," Jimmy informed him, "he didn't come along with me."

"Crap," Luke cursed, "he ran off last night and I thought he was with you, but if he isn't, then. . ."

Luke suddenly felt his heartbeat increase in speed. Having no clue where Jess was scared him so much more than the boy being with Jimmy. Luke hung the phone up on the receiver and ran a hand through his hair. Oh God, Jess. Where was he? What the hell was he thinking, running off like that? Was it because of what he had done?

The diner owner collapsed onto the couch and ran a hand through his hair. Where would Jess go? Hartford? He didn't know where the kid would run off too, especially without any clothes. He'd have to call the police if he didn't here from the boy by tomorrow. Jess would contact him eventually, right? Luke heaved a sigh and leaned back on the couch. He definitely would not be getting any sleep that night.

* * *

Thanks you all for reading!

Next Chapter: Jess finally contacts Luke, plus, Jess' third attempt at opening the apartment door.

In the meantime, please review! I appreciate them all so much, and they make my day!

Thanks again for reading!

:)


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own ideas!**

Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter, I really appreciate it! I have finished this story, and at the moment am working on a sequel to this, as well as my new Charmed story _He Doesn't Know Why_. I added a section to my profile that will give you the exact chapter I am writing for each of the stories I am working on, so feel free to check it anytime. :)

Another late night edit, so sorry if the editing is no up to par.

Enjoy!

* * *

Jess held a quarter in between two slender fingers, hesitant on whether or not to slid it in the box. Rory had told him that if he planned on staying in New York longer, he should at least call his uncle. She and Lane both felt guilty for hiding where he was from Luke, and apparently, seeing the man at the diner that morning had made them feel even worse. So now, he stood in front of a phone booth, the last remaining quarters he had left about to be spent on another long distance phone call to Stars Hollow. He had to stop making phone calls the Connecticut, it was eating away at his money.

He slid the last quarter into the machine and dialed the number he knew by heart, the one he had dialed so many times as a child, and turned to study the passerby's as the tone rang in his ears. He had the urge to pull out a cigarette from his pocket, the need to somewhat preoccupy himself as the dial tone rang. As his hand reached down into his pocket, his uncle's voice stopped him from pulling out the stick.

"Hello," his uncle spoke rather quickly, as if he was in some sort of hurry. It must be the afternoon random rush, jess thought.

"Luke, it's Jess," the kid shuffled his feet and leaned against the metal phone booth.

"Jess," Luke said, letting out a sigh of relief, "thank God." He paused for a moment, before starting up with a much sterner tone, "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm just calling to tell you I'm alright," Jess ignored his uncle's question, knowing full well that the man would come speeding down here in his truck to get him back to Stars Hollow if he told him the answer, "I'll be back soon," a beat, "well, hopefully."

"Jess, you've been gone for two days, do you know how _worried_ I was?" Luke was keeping his temper in check, trying not to get too enraged. He didn't want to scare Jess off again, and he also had an audience: the townsfolk in the diner had quickly perked up at the mention of Jess' name, all eyes falling on him.

"I left you a note," Jess defended, voice soft. He knew that wasn't really a good retort before the words even rolled off his tongue. The need to defend himself just struck him and, even if the defense was weak, he had to at least attempt.

"Oh, you mean that cryptic two word note that told me _nothing_ about where you went?" Luke retorted, crossing his arms. The phone now rested on his shoulder, and the townsfolk who were scattered about the diner were now whispering to one another, eyes still focused on Luke.

"Luke, I need to do this alone, now, I've got to go, I'm out of change and these long distance calls are chewing away at my cash," he paused, "I will pay you back for the three hundred bucks, I swear Luke." He stopped again, before adding, "And I'm sorry for taking it."

"I don't care about the money Jess," Luke told the boy with frustration. He paused for a moment, relaxing and letting out a sigh. "Jess, please, just tell me where you are?" Luke asked his nephew, almost pleading with him. He didn't care about the money, he didn't care that the kid ran off without even telling him what was going on, all he cared about was where he was. It was killing him not to know. He wanted to get to where ever Jess was and bring him back home, make up for what he had done, and help the boy get through all of this.

Jess rolled his eyes and let out an irritated sigh, "I know you think I'm with Jimmy, but I'm not. You were right about him, as much as I hate to admit it, you were," there was an awkward pause between the two, and Luke instantly felt terrible. He knew Jimmy was bad news, and he felt almost relieved that Jess now realized this, but at the same time he wished it had been different. The small lace of pain that could be heard in his nephew's tone--that hint of sorrow and dejection hidden in it as well--had left Luke wishing that Jimmy had turned out to be a better father. "I'll be back soon," Jess started up once again, voice soft, "bye Luke." With that, the kid slammed the phone onto the receiver, free hand reaching down into his pocket and retrieving a cigarette as Luke was met with the tone.

Luke placed the phone back onto the wall with a sigh and placed his hands on the counter. Where the hell was Jess? His eyes flickered up to the customers that sat in front of them, realizing that the small crowd was still staring, and rolled his eyes.

"Start eating people," he ordered with a hint of annoyance, voice raised. The denizens quickly turned back to their food, stabbing at stacks of pancakes and taking bites of their sandwiches.

"Luke," the diner owner turned, temper rising, as he spotted Kirk sitting at a table near the window, bitten sandwich in hand, "This needs more turkey."

"Alright, out!" Luke exploded and stormed over to Kirk. The small man quickly stood up, chair sliding back with a screech, "If you don't like the way I make it Kirk," he started, grabbing the sandwich from the skinny man's hands, "then don't come here!"

Kirk quickly backed more towards the door as Luke advanced towards him, shaking the sandwich, "I know you're just like this because of Jess being gone and all, and I will chose to pretend this didn't happen," Kirk told him, voice quivering with fear.

"Get. _Out!_" Luke repeated with a roar.

Kirk back up into the door, hand quickly searching around for the handle, and made his way out. He backed up towards the curb, eyes still watching Luke as he paced away before turning his attention to the street and running towards the gazebo.

Luke let out a huff and turned to face the rest of the customers, arms crossed, "Anyone else care to bug me right now?"

Heads quickly turned away, each customer putting their full attention back on their food. When Jess was involved in Luke's problems, the man just seemed to get a lot more grumpy and peeved. The diner own made his way towards the back of the counter and grabbed a coffee pot, eyes traveling over to the phone that hung on the wall. God, he hoped Jess would call again.

* * *

The paint was still chipping in the same spots, just like the day prior, and Jess almost felt like moving closer to the door and peeling off a few pieces, giving him something different to stare at the next day. He hardly thought he was going to get himself to open the door today, his hands just wouldn't cooperate. He had tried to place the key in the lock, but his shaking hands wouldn't let him slid it in. So there he sat, back against the wall across from the door, eyes glued to the peeling chips of paint. He felt like a total idiot. It was just a stupid apartment, and if he just opened that door he could go back home to Stars Hollow. He hated sleeping on benches, and he was almost out of cash. He needed to save money for a bus ticket back home, so that only left him with five dollars. He needed to eat, and he didn't want to resort to getting hand outs at a soup kitchen, so he was stuck. He needed to get in that apartment, get out, and go home. That was the only solution to his problems; all of his problems.

"Jess?" The call snapped Jess out of his thoughts and caused him to turn his head in the direction it had come from. Margaret stood a few feet away from him, grocery bags in her hands, wearing a bemused look, "What are you doing here?"

"Admiring the paint chips on the door," he dryly jibed as she sat down beside him, place the bags next to her.

She rolled her eyes as her lips curled into a small smile. He had always been quite the one for sarcasm, and she was happy to hear him teasing again. The last time she had seen him, at the funeral, he hadn't been himself. It was scary, he was there, but then again, he really wasn't. He was just this zombified version of himself, standing there wearing no emotion at all. It was a relief to see that he was back to his normal self.

"So you came all the way up here to admire this lovely door from that small town your uncle lives in?" she spoke with smile, pushing a strand of her light blonde hair behind her ear.

"Yep," Jess turned his gaze towards her for a brief moment, before going back to the door. Her gaze followed his, ending up on the door as well.

"Come on Jess," she said, turning her gaze back to her old neighbor, "why did you really come back here?"

Jess was hesitant, hand quickly grabbing hold of a loose string on his sweatshirt, picking and pulling at it to keep his attention on it instead of her, "Because," he started, eyes still staring at the string as he wrapped it around his finger, "I just--never mind, it's stupid."

"Come on," she started again, "it can't be as dumb as coming up here just to stare at the paint chipping off the door."

Jess gave her a small smile, eyes still looking down towards the string, and continued, "I need to go in there, but I can't."

"Do you not have a key anymore or something?" Margaret started, "Because if that's that case I bet Randy has a spare--"

"I have the key," Jess cut her off, eyes glancing up to meet hers, "I just ... can't get myself to go in there."

"Why no--" she quickly stopped herself, realizing his reasoning at the memory of that night her neighbor had died, "Oh, yeah." She paused, eyes falling down towards her shoes, "Well, how long have you been here?"

"Three days," he replied.

"Where are you staying?" she asked.

"Washington Square Park."

"Jess!" she exclaimed, eyes wide. She couldn't believe it, "Why didn't you ask if you could stay with me or one of the neighbors?!"

"I wasn't even supposed to be here that long," he defended, sending a glare her way, "I was supposed to come, go in, and then go back to Stars Hollow. But no, I can't get myself to go in, so now three days have passed and I'm still here, sitting outside of this damn door."

The two sat silent, Margaret at a loss for words. She could see her friend's form starting to tremble, and she felt a bit panicked. She'd never seen him do that before. She then let out a sigh and stood up, "Well, since I'm guessing you're not going to get in there today," she held out a hand to Jess, wearing a bright smile, "I'll make you some dinner at my place." Jess grasped her hand and she helped him up. She scrunched up her nose as she took in his scent and added, "And get you a shower. You stink!"

Jess' lips curled into a smirk at her reaction and told her, "Well, sorry I forgot to use that marvelous shower they have in the park, if I knew I was going to bump into you, I would have been showered and jelled this morning."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her bags from off of the floor. She began to lead the way down the hall, wearing a grin, "Your hair looks so different without the jell," she commented, turning to give another look at his dark curly locks, "I like it."

"So did Liz," Jess' smile fell a little, but she could still see its form. She could tell that Jess truly did miss his mother, but her memories of the woman didn't seem to make her out to be the best. She remembered a lot of yelling and screaming coming the apartment down the hall, crashes and bottles breaking were a regular sound heard from behind those walls. There were times when her latest boyfriends would join in the yelling, and the next time she would see Jess, he'd be covered in bruises. Though all of this stuff happened to her neighbor under his mother's care, he still seemed to love her. She wondered if the woman really deserved it though; but it wasn't her place to decide, she reminded herself. If Jess felt she still deserved his love, then she guessed Liz did.

Her eyes turned back to Jess, who was strolling slowly behind her, hands stuffed in his pockets. His eyes were towards the floor, and his expression was unreadable. She wondered what else had happened behind that closed apartment door, what other memories Jess had of his mother, other than the ones that the whole floor of the building had. She hoped some were good, because he at least deserved a few normal, happy memories of his mother. There had to be some of those, there had to be. It wouldn't have been right if there were none.

The two neared her apartment and she pulled out the key, eyes glancing towards Jess as she slid it in the lock. His eyes were on the key, staring at her hand with envy. It was so easy for her, it was so easy for everyone, but why couldn't it be that easy for him?

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading and i hope you liked it!

Next Chapter: Lorelai catches on to the fact that Rory and lane are hiding something, as well as a scene between Margaret and Jess.

We're nearing the end; only two more chapters left!

Thanks to all of my faithful readers for reviewing, and I hope to get the sequel going at a good pace as soon as I can. Writing so many stories at once can be a hassle, though.

I'll try to update as soon as possible, in the meantime, please review! I love to hear what you guys have to say about the chapters, and I love every one!

:)


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own ideas!**

Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews, I really appreciated them all so much, especially the one from **sister dear**. I'm really glad you like the story now, and I'm so sorry about the factual errors, I really am! I must of gotten wrong information somewhere, I need to stop trusting sites I randomly get off Google.

Well, here's the second to last chapter: Enjoy!

* * *

Rory and Lane sat on a bench across the way from Luke's, waiting for Lorelai to return with coffee for their late morning pick me up. They couldn't get themselves to go in, not after the way Luke had looked the day before. They felt terrible, and could not face him again until Jess was back. They had quickly spat off some lie to Rory's mother about how Lane needed to get something from her home that was quite important, and with a raised eyebrow, Lorelai told the two she'd get the coffee and bring it out to them once they returned. So there they sat on that wooden bench, staring at Luke's diner, praying they would not catch a glance of the dejected man.

When they noticed Lorelai exiting the diner, they set their eyes on her. She walked across the street, holding three cups of freshly brewed coffee. She handed the two girls their coffee and took a seat in between them. Lorelai took a sip of her coffee and glanced over at Lane and then to Rory. The girls took small sips of their coffee, eyes focused towards the ground.

"Okay, so who's going to tell me what you two know?" Lorelai watched as both girls snapped to life at the question, both turning their heads toward Lorelai. The two kept quiet, and Lorelai rolled her eyes, "Come on, I know you two know something. You've been acting pret_-ty_ guilty ever since Jess vanished," she took another sip of her coffee and waited for a response.

After a moment, Rory spoke up, "Has Luke heard from him at all since he ran off?" She was hoping that Jess had at least taken her advice and given the man a simple call to assure his worried uncle that he was alright.

"Jess called him yesterday," Lorelai told the two girls. Lane and Rory both shared glances of relief before Rory's mother continued, "He apparently snapped at Kirk about sandwiches after it, so I think it's safe to infer that he still doesn't know where Jess is," Lorelai paused and looked over towards her daughter, who's eyes again rested on the ground, and was hit with an epiphany, "You two know, don't you?"

When the two girls didn't speak up to defend themselves, Lorelai got her answer, "No wonder you didn't want to go into Luke's. You know the information that he's been dying to find out," Lorelai shook her head in disappointment, "I can't believe you two! You've known all this time and you didn't tell Luke?!"

"Mom," Rory started up, turning her gaze towards her mother, "Jess made us promise not to tell, he told us he wanted to do whatever it is that he's doing alone! He was very clear on that point."

"I don't care if you promised or not, Rory!" Lorelai stood up and faced the two girls, "Jess is Luke's responsibility. He needs to know where he is. And you two saw the way he's been since Jess left, you saw how worried and upset he is, but you just sat there and let him feel that way! Luke is our friend Rory, and what you two are doing right now disappoints me. I know Jess is your friend, and I know you don't want to break that promise, but Luke is moping around that diner, worried sick about him, and he needs to know!"

Lorelai crossed her arms and stared down at the two girls. They both had their eyes staring straight down at the grainy sidewalk, only glancing up briefly to check if she was going to go on, "I need to get to work," she told the two, hoisting her purse up higher on her shoulder, "I hope you two do the right thing, I really do." With that, Lorelai stormed off, turning the corner and disappearing out of sight.

Lane and Rory both sat silent for a minute, contemplating over what Lorelai had said. Lane looked over towards Rory, her friend keeping her eyes glued to her lap, and finally spoke up, "What do we do?"

Rory's eyes glanced up towards Lane. The were both stuck. They didn't want to betray Jess' trust, but they didn't want to keep his whereabouts from Luke, especially with the man being so distraught over it. Jess was supposed to be home days ago, but his trip had ended up lasting much longer than expected. Jess said he would be back soon though, but how long was soon? Luke should know, he should have been told the night they had found out ... but Jess was depending on them, he made them promise for a reason. Whatever it was he was doing up in New York, he kept pushing that he needed to do it alone.

Rory let out a sigh and ran a hand through her hair, "I don't know," she finally concluded, looking over at her friend, "I really don't know."

* * *

Jess laid on her sap green couch, foot hanging off the edge and resting on the floor. He had gotten himself showered and was now wearing a simple olive green shirt and jeans that were somewhat too big for his skinny frame. She had lent him some of the clothes her ex-boyfriend had left in the apartment. Her boyfriend had been a bit more porky than Jess, but it was the only men's clothing that she had and she wasn't going to have Jess walking around in boxers while she washed his clothes. He had gone to sleep a bit after dinner the night before, after she forced him to leave her with the dishes and get some rest. Now she shuffled around her kitchen in the bright morning light, preparing eggs and bacon. She tried to keep her cooking quiet so she wouldn't wake Jess from his slumber. She assumed that sleeping on those stiff benches in Washington Square Park didn't give you the best nights sleep, and she wanted his rest on her somewhat comfy couch to last as long as he liked.

She remembered the first day she had seen him in that park, sitting on a bench with a hefty book in hand. It had been a little after she moved in, and she had only seen him walking down the hallway a few times, but she had _heard_ him quite often. Him and his mother and sometimes her boyfriend always tended to have fights almost nightly.

She had been taking a walk through the park, her boyfriend watching the baby, and had spotted his familiar face. She remembered distinctly seeing him earlier in the day with a huge bruise covering his cheek, and she had instantly spotted that painful looking swirl of purple and blue on his cheek. They had talked for a little bit, and when she brought up where he got the bruise, he simply replied with a dry, "_Don't worry about it._" By the end of the conversation, she hadn't learned much about him, but he had learned much about her. He seemed to like to listen more than to talk, she noted. Jess then offered to walk her back to the apartment building and they parted their separate ways at her door.

Later that night she distinctly remembered coming back from the laundry room to see Jess be shoved out of his apartment by a strawberry-blonde. The older woman yelled for him to _get the hell out of her sight if he was going to try to ruin her relationship_ with a man named Robby, she believed that was the name--she had heard that he was a drug dealer--and shut the door in his face. He headed down the hallway, and when they crossed paths he glanced up at her, giving her a peak at the bloody gash on his forehead. Jess quickly disappeared down the stairs and didn't come back until three days later.

The couch let out a creak as Jess adjusted himself, moving an arm and turning his body slightly, before settling down in a spot he deemed pleasing. The apartment had been quiet other than that noise. It had been quiet for days now. Ever since her ex obtained custody of her baby, things had been lonely and silent. It was hard to imagine that only a few days ago, her baby was still with her, held tight in her protective arms. Days without her child left her with the desperate feeling to mother something, and the skinny teenager on her couch seemed like the perfect candidate. She always found it odd that even though they were quite near each other in age--Jess was only four years younger than her--he just seemed so much _younger _than her_. _Maybe it was because she had seen him in some of his weakest moments (after those vicious fights with his mother or her boyfriend, the supposed drug dealer) or maybe it was because he was still truly a kid, she didn't know. She just felt like he needed some sort of motherly love--something that he had lacked for years, she was guessing--given current events.

She heard the couch give out a loud creak once again and turned to find Jess sitting up, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. Jess looked up at her, then over to the food, "You didn't have to cook for me," he told her as he stood up and rubbed a sore spot on his neck, "you already cooked for me last night."

"Well," she smiled, sliding the bacon off the pan and onto a plate, "I felt like cooking again. I like cooking," she placed the plate onto the table as Jess leaned against the door frame, watching her with a small smile. She ran back over to the counter and slid an omelet onto another plate, "If I hadn't of gotten pregnant I would have liked to go off to culinary school," she smiled as she placed another plate on the table, "I always wanted to open up my own restaurant."

"My uncle owns a diner," Jess told her with a small smile as he sat down.

"Really?" she questioned with curiosity. She was almost shocked that he had openly spoke something about himself. He always kept to himself.

"Yeah," Jess nodded as Margaret sat down, "for a small town diner it's pretty good." He picked up a fork and stabbed at his eggs.

"What's it like living in--" she paused, coming up with a blank. She had completely forgotten the name, "What's it called again?"

"Stars Hollow," Jess told her as he stuffed a piece of egg in his mouth. He looked up her way and realized she was waiting for him to say more, "It's ... different," He concluded after a long moment of thought, stabbing down at another piece of egg.

"I've never been out of the city," she confessed, "it must be so weird seeing all of that green."

Jess let out a chuckle and nodded, "It took me a while to get used to all the trees and fresh air. My polluted lungs didn't take to it well at first." He smirked and took another bite of his food.

"Jess," she paused as his eyes snapped right up and met her, "does your uncle know your here, or did you just run off?"

"He knows I'm alright," Jess told her after a moment of hesitation. His eyes snapped back down to his food and he quickly occupied himself with eating. He did feel guilty about the whole Luke situation, but he wouldn't understand. He felt like if he had come right out and told Luke of his spontaneous plan, his uncle would have been completely positive he needed to be shipped off to a mental hospital. No, Luke wouldn't understand why he wanted to do this, and he wouldn't understand why it was so hard for him to get that door open. He was going to do it today though, (he'd been saying that mantra everyday to himself since he arrived) he had to. He was tired and--oddly enough--sick of New York. He wanted to go home, to Luke's, sleep in his own bed, and move on with his life. Liz was not going to have this hold on him, he couldn't let this thing plague him for the rest of his life, and he wanted to stop needing those pills.

"You should tell him you're here," Margaret spoke up, causing Jess to snap out of his thoughts, "he's probably worried sick."

Jess let out a laugh as the sentence brought Rory into his mind. The two sounded so alike in that moment. They were both trying to get him to tell Luke he was here and he knew that they weren't dumb enough to believe that his uncle would just leave him be until he was done. Luke would be up here within the hour after the call, probably driving way above the speed limit just to get here faster. He'd call Luke when he was done with everything. Then Luke could come storming up here and do whatever he pleased. He could ground him, hold him prisoner in the apartment, whatever. All that mattered would be that he was finally free. Liz wouldn't have a hold on him any longer.

"My other friend's been telling me the same thing," Jess told her with a smile as he stood up, "and you both understand what would happen if I call, so the answer is no."

"Jess," Margaret called, standing up and following him to the living room, "I don't understand. You're afraid to go in there--"

"I am _not _afraid!" Jess cut her off, turning to give her a glare and point a stiff finger her way.

She went on as if he had said nothing, "But you have someone who cares enough to stick by your side through this and if he was here I bet you would have got into the apartment day one. Doing this all alone is not going to help you get over your mother; it's only going to make it harder for you."

Jess grabbed his clothes from the laundry basket on the floor and shrugged into his shirt and slid into his jeans, "Thanks for the food and the place to crash," he told her, holding back his anger, "I hope you get your child back and everything works out."

"Jess," Margaret called, following him over to the door.

"Margaret!" He turned around, enraged, "Just butt out! This isn't your place. Worry about yourself instead of me, why don't you? I'm fine, and I'm going to go into that apartment today and be done with this all _without _my uncle's help, because I can do this alone. I don't need him, I don't need you, I don't need anybody, and I _especially_ do not need Liz anymore!"

Leaving on that note, Jess slammed the door hard in Margaret's face, leaving the young girl there wide-eyed. She let out a sigh and ran a hand through her long hair. She was really frightened of what could happen if Jess went back into that apartment. He had seen his own mother die right in that living room. It had to have been horrifying to see and she was worried what would happen to him if he went in there alone. Seeing him at the funeral, looking like a zombie--numb and void of any emotions--had scared her. She was afraid if he did go in there, he'd retreat back into himself like he had those days after her death. He finally seemed to have opened back up, and she was afraid if he went back in there alone it would just shut him down for good.

She knew what she had to do to help him. She was going to have to make a call, and pray that everything worked out in the end. Jess deserved that, at the least.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

I've written many first chapters for the sequel, due to many ideas that I just couldn't seem to get inspired to write, but I finally have one that I like and I think I'll go with. If you'd like to hear the idea and give me some feedback on it, just ask me in the review and I'll shot you it in a reply. :)

Next Chapter: Jess finally enters the apartment.

Until then, please review! I appericate them all so much!

:)


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own ideas!**

Thank you all so much for the reviews last chapter!

And here we are, at the end. It's sad; I loved writing this story. I sadly am having trouble sorting through my many ideas for a sequel, so I'm going to post up another Jess and Luke centric story right after this. It's all edited and should be up within moments after I post this! It's called _Cocaine Lights, _and I hope you guys decide to read it.

:)

Enjoy the last chapter!

* * *

The sky was dark and gray and Jess could feel rain drops prickling against his skin as they fell lightly from the sky. The ground was moist, but thankfully not muddy. The weather fit the scene perfectly in his opinion. Sitting out in front of your mother's grave in a rain storm just seemed like a scene out of a movie. He felt like the funeral should have been like this. The sun had been shining that day, and the sky was clear of clouds. That was no day for a funeral. That was a day to sit out in the grass and just take in the fresh air and the wonders of life. He concluded that there should be some kind of law against having funerals on sunny days. If the weather didn't fit the event, then you shouldn't have it.

He craved a cigarette right then, but the rain wouldn't permit it. Neither would his shaking. He wasn't sure if it was because he was wet or because of his lack of medication, but it didn't matter. He was shaking madly, sitting outside in the chilly spring rain, staring at his druggie mother's grave.

Drops of rain slid their way down the stone, traveling down in trails along the glossy side of the stone. He been spending a lot of time in graveyards lately, sitting down on the fresh ground for hours with Liz. He had never liked going to graveyards, and like most others, he wasn't one for spending long hours in them, but lately he had actually wanted to spend time there.

He remembered the first time he had been to a graveyard. It was back after Liz's father had died--his grandfather. The whole concept of having grandparents seemed so foreign to him, though he did wish he could have actually gotten to know his grandparents. Liz had told him they were both very strict. She hadn't known her mother very well, but she had grown up with a very protective father. Though she acted like he had been a dictator, Jess remembered that day in the graveyard when she was crying her eyes out. He was very young then, and Liz and Luke had both been holding his hands, standing high above him. It had been raining that day, and the mood had been right. There were lots of tears and sniffles, but he had been too young to understand what was going on. Much of that funeral--like Liz's--was a blank to him, and he only remembered bits and pieces of the event. He did remember very clearly what had happened the next few days. Liz had gone on an alcohol binge and his uncle had come down to New York to take care of him while she was gone. His worried neighbor had called Luke about it, and less than an hour later, there he was.

Liz was gone for about a week, and during that whole week, Luke watched over him carefully. He had played Dinosaurs with him, though he wasn't much of a good one. He had read him stories and made him home cooked meals and everything. There was one conversation that they had had that had always stuck with him. He remembered it almost perfectly. Luke had been sitting on the couch around the third night, an arm holding Jess close to his chest as the boy drifted off. It had been quiet, until Luke had spoke up, _"Jess," _he waited until Jess gave a small '_huh'_ in response, _"Does your mommy do things like this often?" _The boy had replied with a yes, his eyes shutting slightly, body beginning to give into the warmth on his uncle's hold. Luke just sat for a moment, stroking a hand through Jess' dark brown messy hair. _"Jess," _he nudged the boy awake gently, watching as the kid's small eyes fluttered open, _"I want you to call me if she does anything bad like this again." _Jess had responded with the innocent question, _"How will I know what's bad, Uncle Luke?" _Luke told him, "_You know bad from good, Jess. If she does anything naughty you call me and I'll be here within the hour," _he paused and ran a hand through the boy's mop of hair, _"And I told you, don't call me Uncle Luke."_

That week was one of the most normal times in his life, minus the fact that his mother was off drowning in booze and doing God knows what. When Liz got back, she convinced Luke it had just been her mourning, and that she didn't have any serious problem. Luke was skeptical, but he wanted to believe her, so he did. He almost resented Luke for that, but he had wanted to believe that she didn't have a problem either. He had probably wanted to believe it more than Luke. He had wanted to believe her when she said she'd get clean for him, he had wanted to believe her when she said she'd change for him. She never did though. All those years she and those drugs had controlled his life. They took away his childhood, left him fighting to survive when she or one of her boyfriends got a little too aggressive. Even in death, her and her stupid drugs still wouldn't let him go. He had to watch her death replay in his dreams, over and over and over. Whenever someone brought her up, drugs quickly popped up in his mind. Now he was fighting for his sanity. If he didn't get over this soon, he'd develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He'd be plagued by her for months on end, and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep sane if that happened. He couldn't live like that. He would not let her take him down with her.

Jess stood up from his spot, determined. He looked back down at Liz's grave, the stone looking perfect and new.

"I'm not going to let you do this to me. It's not fair," with that, Jess turned and started his way down the gravel path of the graveyard, taking a quick turn left once he was out of the graveyard, towards his building.

He was going to get that door open, no more stalling. She wasn't allowed to keep him like this, her hold on him ended that day.

* * *

Rory and Lane stormed into the diner, out on a mission. Lorelai had been right, and the two girls had known it all along. Luke needed to know where Jess was, it wasn't right for them to hide it from him.

Rory's eyes darted around the diner, stopping when she spotted the familiar flannel attire that was worn by the owner. She nudged Lane and the girl looked over towards where Rory was gazing, a look of determination crossing her features. Luke was making his way hurriedly around the diner, trying to keep up with all of the customers that had pilled in. Whenever it rained in Stars Hollow, the word cooking disappeared from the town's vocabulary and was replaced by lazy.

As Luke passed by them, he gave the girls a small greeting, "Hey," he spoke, glancing over at the two as he moved, "we're pretty packed, you might have to take the stools." He still looked the same as the day before, off and tired.

Lane and Rory both looked at each other, the guilt rising in their consciouses. They suddenly wanted to back down. Doing the right thing may end up with them getting yelled out. The diner was packed with customers and Luke was lacking his usual extra set of hands.

"Maybe we should come back--" Lane started, but Rory cut her off.

"We have to tell him, Lane. He needs to know," Rory reminded her friend, eyes following Luke to around the counter. Lane gave her a look and Rory rolled her eyes, "Come on." She pulled her friend across the diner, sliding past chairs and tables as they made their way to the counter.

"Luke," Rory started, hands gripping onto the edge as she reached the counter. Luke looked up her way as he grabbed another coffee pot and filled the machine up with more beans. "Lane and I have something to tell you."

Luke raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the ring of the phone.

"Hold that thought," he told the two, pointing at them as he made his way over to the phone. He picked it up and placed the phone between his shoulder and ear.

"Luke's Diner," he said into the phone as he fiddled with the coffee machine, trying to finish filling it up with beans and replacing the filter. "... Who?"

Lane and Rory looked at each other nervously, their flight instinct flashing through their minds. They didn't want to see Luke's reaction to what they would tell him if it was anything like Lorelai's.

"Wait, what?" The girls looked back over to Luke, catching his bemused tone. They could tell this wasn't the usual phone call, "How do you know Jess ... His old neighbor, and why are you calling me?" His eyes went wide right then and the two of them started to get scared. Had something happened to Jess? It would be all their fault if something did. They didn't tell Luke and now look what had happened...

"He's in New York," Luke stopped fiddling with the coffee machine and just stood there, "why does he want to go there? ... Alright, I'll head up there right now. I'll be there within the hour."

Luke hung up the phone, looking much more awake than he had before, "Caesar," he called, poking his head into the back, "I need to go. I'll be gone for while, you think you can handle this?" He paused, before adding, "I'll pay you extra for this, I swear."

Caesar gave him a reluctant yes and Luke ran up the stairs, appearing seconds later with his coat and his car keys.

"Luke," Rory called, following the man to the door, "what's going on?"

He turned to face Rory, looking determined and rather relieved, "Jess is in New York. I need to get up there quick, he needs me."

Luke swiftly opened up the door and slid outside, rushing over to his car in the rain. The two girls watched as he drove off before looking at each other, feeling much more relieved than moments ago.

"Well, looks like someone beat us to the punch," Lane comment with a small smile. Rory nodded and Lane ran a hand through her hair, "Thank God."

* * *

The key slid into the lock with such ease that it almost surprised him. He had felt that it would have been so much harder to get it to go in since he had been so frightened of it. His hand gripped the key, but he stopped when he went to turn it. Yet again, the thought that his mother would be truly gone if he opened that apartment and found nothing popped into the back of his mind. He knew he had to realize that, but the thought scared him. He had to do this, and the sooner he turned the key, the sooner he'd get over it.

Before he could even register what his hand was doing, the key had been turned the lock unhatched. His hand pulled the key out and grasped the handle. His body was really shaking now, and his hand jingled the knob unintentionally. He just stood for a moment before taking one last trembling breath and closing his eyes. He felt his hand slowly turn the knob and the door open with a creak. He then just stood, hand gripping onto the door, eyes closed. This was it, this was finally going to prove to him that his mother was dead. He let out a deep breath, then he opened his eyes.

"_Jess, don't you dare," Liz was yelling at him, and he was standing in the bathroom, holding out a bag of her drugs above the toilet. She grabbed his arms violently and shook him. Luke's bruised hand marks stood out against his skin as he watched her pale hands hold him a little above them. He knew he was imaging this after seeing the bruises: they had not been there the first time it had happened. He looked up towards Liz, and was meet by her enraged expression, "Don't you dare do that. Those are not yours!"_

_Before he knew what he was doing, he spoke up, matching her temper, "You promised me you'd stop! You told me you'd get clean while I was living with Luke, and you didn't!" He held them up more towards the toilet, his hand loosening his grip on the bag._

"_Jess, baby," she quickly changed her tone and released her grip. His hand let more go, and Liz became more frantic, "Baby," she gave him a panicked smile, "honey, don't do that. Mom needs those, she wants to feel good again, and without them she'll never be better. I-I'll get off of them soon, right after this. My last hit, I swear."_

_She looked at him with such a comforting look and held his face gently. She had on this hopeful smile, and whenever she gave him that look he could never say no. Jess held out the bag to her and she quickly took it from his hands, looking at him with this grateful, loving expression. "Thank you, baby." She leaned up and pressed his forehead against hers, wearing a happy smile, "This is my last hit, baby, I swear. I'll get clean right after this. I promise, honey." When Jess didn't respond, she pressed against his forehead a little more, "Baby?" _

"_Yeah," Jess kept his gaze lowered as he nodded. He couldn't look at her right then, he didn't want to see that look she wore, "Tomorrow."_

_Her smile grew wider and she moved up and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Thank you, baby." She moved away and backed off into the living room, leaving him alone in the bathroom. He knew he wasn't going to stay in there and watch her get high for that so called "last time." Seconds later, he quickly made his way out of the bathroom and out the door._

He blinked and he was standing in the living room, eyes falling on the spot where he found her body later that night. It was empty, and she wasn't laying down there, staring back up at him.

He wanted her to be there, he wanted to see her again, even if it meant like that. Jess suddenly felt his knees go weak and he fell to the floor, eyes glued to that spot.

"Mom," it came out raspy and rough and he suddenly felt the tears that had been running down his cheeks, "no, mom, please come back."

Nothing happened and no one appeared. He felt much more lonely than he'd ever had before, and he was just staring, blinking and praying that every time he'd open his eyes she'd be there again, calling him baby and spitting out promises she'd never keep. He suddenly felt terribly alone. There was no one left now, and that was what he was afraid of seeing. Jimmy didn't want him and Liz was really gone. He had no parents, and all he was now was some broken kid who had never experienced a real family.

"Don't leave me all alone," he was crying madly now, body shaking uncontrollably as he gasped for breath, "I don't want to be alone."

He suddenly felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him, pulling him into a sturdy and warm chest, "You're not alone, Jess," the ruff voice of his uncle soothed him, holding him tight against his chest. Jess clung to his uncle and just let everything wash out of him. The confusion flew out with the gasps and tears that escaped his body, and Luke just held him even tighter, letting his tears soak his flannel shirt.

"You're not alone," he repeated.

In that moment, while Jess clung to Luke, body shaking as he cried, the boy finally realized it. Liz and Jimmy were his parents, but Luke was his family. Luke was there for him, and he would always be there, and he would need Luke now more than ever.

It had been a big mistake for him to come back here. He thought this would help, but in reality he felt it was doing the complete opposite. Coming here had brought so much he'd been trying to hide back out from the dark of his mind, and now he felt like all hell was breaking lose inside him. Every memory he had been trying to forget, every moment of his life that was painful or frightening seemed to be breaking free, and he couldn't stop it. It would have been better to keep on living feeling as if she was still here. He wouldn't have to deal with all of the memories that had started coming back then.

Jess clung to Luke tighter, the tears coming out uncontrollably now. He wasn't just crying about Liz and her drugs anymore. Every painful memory, every sad or terrible moment with his mother seemed to pop to his mind now, and he couldn't escape anymore. That wall he had built up had first started cracking the night she died, but now that he truly realized she was never coming back, the wall had completely crumbled. Everything was flowing out of him like a stream after a harsh rain: the current was so fast it frightened him.

No, this hadn''t been a mistake, he was wrong about that. He had needed this to happen, he needed to let it all out. Pushing his past behind him was the only way to truly move on. He could keep Liz with him, but he couldn't keep the bad memories of her.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, and he was finally free from the clutches of his mother and her habits. He finally felt free, and he knew he was getting closer to finally feeling _alright._ He'd let himself cry it out, he'd let Luke see him so broken up, because he knew that after all this he could finally start moving on.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you liked it!

Thanks to all the loyal reviewers who helped me get through my writer's blocks and editing!

I hope you guys check out the new story I'm posting up, and hopefully a sequel to this story will be sorted out sometime. I'd love to write one.

Thanks again, and please review!

:)


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